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[–] 22369995? 1 point -1 points 0 points (+0|-1) ago
I have had a similar experience. For me, sometimes drinking is a method of numbing out from what I am or am not doing that is connected to worthiness, purpose, and failure to engage in life and with people in my authentic way. I started looking at each beer as a representation of one facet of my inaction or wrong action. For an example, if you/I think that we should call someone to delve into an uncomfortable dialogue, knowing it is for the sake of connection and progress, and then instead of doing it we reach for a beer, this is probably reaching for distancing from what we know is for the best, but more difficult. Have a beer or tell your kids you are proud of them and wish you were a better role model.
I am reminded of the exercise of holding a glass of water out in front of you. If you/I were tasked with holding the glass out in front of us, it would be easily managed for a few minutes, uncomfortable after 10, and unmanageable after an hour. The water represents the retention of not letting go of trauma, conflict or burdens through acceptance, dialogue, or caring actions. The beer is, at times, the same. The desire to sooth the discomfort of misguided loving with booze, drugs, sex, food, etc can usually be remedied with meeting the hurdle with a stronger intention to connect.
It is my strong belief that what you are experiencing is part of the human condition. None are exempt from this very struggle. You are not broken or different than those around you. Try making a short list of things that may be connected with this for you. Choose one of them that is manageable now and meet it with your inner good intention. It's possible that if you address one of the heavier scenarios early on, the smaller ones will, maybe, seem much more doable. If you think that you can't or are unable… as a wise person said"Thinking it makes it so."