I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life, with recurrent suicidal tendencies. 2-3 years ago had some major life stressors, and basically I suffered a major nervous breakdown, which basically destroyed my career.
Have had extreme difficulty finding support from anyone. I am struggling with extreme loneliness, which compounds the whole issue.
Around the same time, I found the Q movement, which gave me something to hold onto.
But, I am burned out, and am having a lot of difficulty from life. My depression and anxiety are continued, with little improvement. I tried SSRIs (last resort), but all it did was lead to increased weight gain, which made me more depressed. I also began drinking heavily, which was the only thing that made me feel good.
I have never really had anyone to talk to about these things. I feel that things are going downhill for me. Time keeps moving on, little is improving, I am getting older, losing my hair, and becoming more and more isolated.
So I am taking a break from all of this. Not sure when I will return. Thanks, please pray for me and wish me luck, I need it a lot
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[–] 20629279? 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago (edited ago)
Advice from a reformed drunk, don't go down the booze road. I don't know how far you've progressed, but it gets worse...much worse. I was a Joe Six-Pack for 25 years, drank every night but never missed a day of work (12 years at one job), but then I had a major "stressor" hit me in 2002 and I went head-first into the whiskey. HUGE quantities of whiskey, every day. You soon get to a point where you have to have some alcohol in your system just to function...4 hours was about my limit, if I didn't at least half a couple of nips I would sweat profusely and get the shakes...sometimes so bad I couldn't write legibly. Life at that point is as close as you'll ever get to Hell. It's the first thing you think about when you wake up...how much do I have on hand, is it going to be enough, you always take inventory in the morning. Then it was 3 beers before work, a couple of big chugs of Beam at lunch, and I usually had to sneak a couple of nips before my workday was over...mind you I only got away with this because I worked with a bunch of alkies who were sneaking drinks too.
Week-long detoxes 5 times, more trips to the ER than I can remember, horrific withdrawals with hallucinations that made my acid-days look tame in comparison, and a seizure. It went on for several years until I got deathly ill from sepsis and had surgery to fix a hole in my intestines that was caused by the drinking...there's a reason they call it "rot-gut". That was two and a half years ago, and I've been sober ever since. I smoke the bud when I wanna get out of my head a little, and I know it's a crutch, but it's a fuck-load better than the Jim Beam.
Point is, I wish ya well my friend...hope you work things out, but don't resort to the bottle, it will fuck you up.
OH...and if you can have a pet, get one. I have a cat (cat haters fuck off), and I have to tell ya, he brings my stress and depressions levels down incredibly.
[–] 20632594? ago
Super proud of you, really impressive you could come out of a hole that deep. Keep thriving dude.
Weed's a crutch but it at least makes you more empathetic and isn't physically addictive, just habit forming.
[–] 20632813? ago
Yeah, I know the habit-forming aspect, I get a little edgy when I run out, but at least you don't get violently ill like with the booze. Can't tell ya how many 8am trips I made to the packy...first customer of the day, and the clerk automatically grabs the pint of Beam because he knows ya. Then pulling out the cash/debit card with shaking hands, sweat running down your forehead...I often took the first slam before I pulled out of the parking space.
It's a real shitty way to live.