I had the revolting experience of going to The Golden Corral some years ago. I usually do not go to such restaurants because they attract lardasses and the food is bad. But this time my then-girlfriend demanded that I accompany her on a family dinner. I decided that I would spend an unpleasant hour at the Golden Corral eating bad food rather than spend the next four days with my girlfriend making my life unpleasant (and yes, I later dumped her).

This Golden Corral was located in the suburbs of Detroit and was, as far as I know, the closest Golden Corral to Detroit, a city liberally larded with fat sheboons. The restaurant was not located in a groid neighborhood but since it was the closest Golden Corral to Detroit, Detroit boons would drive to it. It's sort of like the Chuck E. Cheese effect. Do not go to a Chuck E. Cheese in a white area if it is the closest one to a groid area. Groids will drive out of the jungle and fill it up every weekend.

Every time a new tray of food was put out on the steam table a herd of fboons stormed the line so that they could beat the other fat boons to their preferred food. If you've ever seen fat boons waddling around the DMV office slowly you would hardly believe it possible that they could move this quickly. Do not get between a fatassed sheboon and her feed.

I came to believe their sense of hearing was highly developed. They would respond immediately when a tray of steaks or fried chicken was put down but wouldn't even turn around when salad was put down.

Once they had gone through their main course they proceeded to their favorite part of the meal: dessert. They consumed all manner of cakes, pies, puddings, and pastry to their hearts' content. I tried to avoid watching them stuff their mouths with large bites of food.

The lesson learned is to never go to a Golden Corral, or any other restaurant groids frequent (like Red Lobster).