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[–] foxyface [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

The doctor that prescribed me with the medication, Risperidone/Risperdal, that turned me into a zombie refused to listen to my objections. Looking back, I think she may have been in over her head and gave me something that was far too strong in my case. I was on other meds at the time, including another antipsychotic, and decided to started tapering myself off of the risperdal. I have learned the hard way, multiple times, that you should NEVER stop taking your meds without guidance from your doctor, but it was my [potentially dangerous] way of getting her attention. She finally started to work with me to find another combo of meds that didn't include the risperdal. I stopped seeing her shortly after that... she wasn't the best doctor. I think that I am finally on the right combo of meds and its been almost 10 years since I started seeking professional help.

I think people with Borderline experience themselves differently, but for me the dissociative aspect is what can be most disturbing at times. I feel like I am on another plane of reality that is almost, but not quite, in line with everyone else. It's just slightly askew. I don't feel tethered to myself as a whole, to others, or even experiences or memories. Due to parts of my childhood, I have difficulty forming and maintaining real, substantial friendships which leaves me feeling very lonely. My biggest fear is being alone, but yet I have such difficulty with forming any deep connections. I do have an amazing boyfriend, to whom I am fiercely loyal and very much in love with.