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[–] B166-ER 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

I suffered from my abusive alcoholic father throughouty childhood and beyond. There were many other contributing factors that created a sort of perfect storm of shit. I'm 31, never had a GF, women never found me interesting or even seemed to try to know me. They all seemed interested in me as much as I could entertain them with nights out, concerts, dinner,... And then quickly lost interest because I've always been and certainly now thanks to social rejection... I will remain a social outcast. I'll never have family, kids, wife, house,... And I've only done alcohol and cannabis. The cannabis now is my medication for my anxiety and stress which has seemingly increased over the years. As I realize more and more that I'm trudging through this miserable capitalist existence and I don't even have a reason for doing so like EVERYONE else. Apparently all I have is to not die, and if lucky no more than another 20yrs in this miserable existence.

So how do I fit into those statistics??

Trauma ruins lives, drug addiction is simply one of many symptoms.

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[–] 12992438 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

This will sound gay as fuck but try it... Plant a garden. Really. I was more or less where you are and that was a colossal change for me. So nice to make and tend something and be rewarded. IDK.. It is so valuable. I have chickens and rabbits now as well. I love to just go chill in my rabbits little yard. I sit there on the bench and drink a beer just about every nice day I get. I love it.

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[–] B166-ER 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

I don't want to sound dismissive of your advice... I get it and I have some hobbies. Though not having a stable place to live with space and I'm moving every six months or less... it's really hard to maintain many hobbies like that.

Beyond that, I really believe the meaning of life is to pair-bond, find companionship, validation, procreate, establish a home and pass on your heritage. I know many people wouldn't agree with that idea and many people find fulfillment outside of that too. Yet it is in our DNA to more or less hit those checkpoints throughout our lives. Like 98% of people EVER born who didn't die young, EVERYONE accomplished those goals... and everyone I know in my life telling me there is more to life than that and that I should be happy with anything else... every one of them has had relationships since their HS sweetheart. I just want to tell them to eat a dick, because I don't have the time to pick apart their shallow view on life and their inability to recognize what in their own lives gives them purpose... THEY... ARE... FUCKING... IDIOTS.

Not to mention since my family is such a fucking failure I would have demons to address when starting my own... bad habits to reprogram. But having my own and doing even a hair better than my parents... I know that would give me deep satisfaction and closure with my own issues... but fuck me right?

I've spent the last 15years learning psychology and becoming my own therapist rather than wasting time on someone's couch wasting more time talking about my feelings. Not to mention no therapist tells you what to do. The only advice I ever got was to "do what makes you happy" or even better "what do you think you should be doing with your life." It's their professional oath to never tell you what to do only perhaps what you should stop doing, but even that they usually don't say directly and so they work to "lead" you to that conclusion. I'm not discrediting it... its just not what I need or needed. And if I already knew what I wanted to do... why would I need a therapist.

I remember a girl dumping me when I was 17. I felt so lost because I don't even know how we got started, it shouldn't have happened. I just remember feeling this immense sense of relief and belonging in this world, like in Back to the Future when Marty's family start to reappear in his picture after he sets history back on course. I could finally see my life going somewhere. Then when she dumped me I got depressed again, carved "never" into my desk in a rage. As in I'll "never" escape my fate now. I forgot about it and moved on and REALLY tried several times, I just found women who led me along for free shit, rides, help, and friendzone companionship and the occasional fat friend. The world was telling me what I was worth and it was about as much value as my dad taught me to have for myself... none. Well, a few years ago I found my old desk, forgot about that carving until that day. I lost control when seeing my prediction from 17yr old me, I drank everything I could find, I took all the drugs I had, I pissed and threw up everywhere. But that was pain I had not felt and I needed to escape my thoughts so badly, just thinking about it now brings back the feeling. I felt like I had just lied to myself for almost 10yrs... that 17yr old me had a more realistic insight into what my life would turn out.

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[–] 1mpatientPatient 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Doesn't sound gay, being close to nature is good for your soul.

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[–] Livelongdiefree 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I wish I had a better layout of a yard and climate. I have always wanted a tortoise pen/garden. Might have to settle for the rabbit zen garden.

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[–] altaccounttwo 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Right there with yall but my garden died when I tried. The failure can be pretty real.

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[–] cantaloupe6 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

It might be difficult - change your focus away from your pain, outward. Read Seven habits of highly successful people. Enjoy nature. Chemical amusement is a time sink. Learn how to live well cheaply. Network. It's easiest to a find GF through a woman friend (28 yo) are looking for marriage. Embrace capitalism - do a service (for women) like painting. Get advice, get the most for your time. The garden idea is a good one. There is an enormous number enjoyable free activities. Consider changing your diet of ideas, to positive ones. You've suffered horribly at others hands, it took your past. Aim yourself towards a positive direction. A GF can contribute ideas it doesn’t have to be all you - they like a leader. Sorry for the traumatic childhood, perhaps you can be the father you'd have wanted to have.

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[–] captainstrange 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Read Seven habits of highly successful people

That book is more of a 'metoo' book for hangers-on and pretenders.

You want something that will change your life?

Read "Models" by Mark Manson.

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[–] 1mpatientPatient 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

You don't need to be part of a couple to be a whole person. I'm alot older than you and I've survived alone, I actually enjoy it.

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[–] B166-ER 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Well, what exactly do you mean by alone? I've learned everyone has a different definition. Have you had sex less than once every 10 yrs, never had a legit gf, no romantic interaction with women? Or are you the guy who gets laid twice a week, always a different woman, and never settles down?