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[–] FriendlyHumanBeing [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I'll answer this as "when was the most serene and stable you've felt?" I do this because my emotional highs always ended poorly and I do not look back at them as positive experiences.

I've been speaking to this woman over the internet recently and she's just a very kind, genuine and affectionate woman. She is not my lover or internet girlfriend by any means. I do not want romance and neither does she, but she's a true friend. We talk about things and in particular sex and gender stuff. I've always felt ugly and insecure about my looks because I fell for the Tinder and Online Dating meme, which killed my self-esteem. I've sent her a photo and she basically said "You're not ugly, you have distinct features but not ugly." This wasn't the first time I was told this, but for some reason it made things click.

The fact that I realized my looks do not make or break me is when I started to feel calmer. I didn't get a surge of energy to do things and then happily ever after, I just started to feel less bad. All I really need is to feel less bad.

It also makes me feel like the things I do are not innately disgusting or unwanted. At least me, it is utterly meritocratic and that is a liberating feeling. I can stop obsessing about the beauty Caste System and labeling myself a low-caste subhuman.

Anything that calms me down and neutralizes a source of negative emotions is always a major victory. This was one of many. I anticipate reaching my strength and fitness goals to be the most potent nullifer of negative feelings.

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[–] 7837693? 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Thanks for the heartfelt reply. Do you feel like insecurities (in the your response regarding looks) is a major contributing factor in yours/other peoples depression?

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[–] FriendlyHumanBeing [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Definitely.

I felt like the main reason why no one liked me was because I was ugly. Now, I realize the main reason no one likes me is because I don't meet anybody new. I can also recall moments where I definitely made positive impressions on people in everyday situations and I have never been explicitly called ugly, even with shitty pictures that I purposely take. I think people min/max photos way too much and I no longer bother with online dating or picture taking or any of that other gay shit. I'll judge someone when I see them IRL.

It's silly to go into detail about it now. My main problem is my lack of new experiences. Hopefully, university will mend that issue.