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[–] Tambourine [S] 1 points 6 points (+7|-1) ago  (edited ago)

well, for one, men who wouldn't have given me the time of day otherwise were quite literally groveling at my feet because of a sexual feeling. It's a power trip for about 5 minutes; then it just makes you feel like everything you do is ultimately not going to matter or be respected because beauty (and, really, youth) have such power.

on one level, I developed tremendous respect for my clients and their acheivements. But also, they showed me a side of themselves that was extremely under-developed. Despite some amazing conversations, I felt constantly saddened by the fact that these men mostly just needed some very basic needs to be met. It was never really about the fetish; it was about isolation and the need for intimacy. Not even the need for deep intimacy at first, but the need for basic sexual and emotional acceptance.

This is really how it was. Within an hour of meeting someone I sometimes shared with him the most intimate experience in his entire life. Again, it's a power trip for a second, but when I stepped back to think about it, I felt very, very sad that things were like this. They shouldn't be like this, not with someone whose wife has known him longer than I've even been alive. And my feeling is that this isn't just a symptom found among the rich; it's just that these were the men who could afford to do something about it.

I hope this makes sense - it's hard for me to articulate this, but it's one of the reasons I did the AMA.

Basically, and I really mean this - I encountered unspeakable amounts of isolation, a complete lack of experience with genuine human connection, among some of the richest, smartest, most ambitious and best-traveled men on earth. I had a full-grown man crying on me, often for the first time in years, several times a month. The brokenness was almost unbearable for me, and it made me very pessimistic about pretty much everything.