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[–] Tambourine [S] 1 points 1 points (+2|-1) ago  (edited ago)

Ooofda, big question.

I would like to be able to say that the (almost always wealthy) men who saw me were just looking to explore, get something off their chest, experience something new, or basically pay for a boutique one-on-one strip club type of thing.

Sadly, that's not what I found. More than anything, these guys were deeply isolated - not just from women or from their wives, but in general. I can't tell you how many times a man twice my age told me something like "I've never told anyone this" or "I feel like you're the only person I can talk to" or "You're the only person I can be myself around."

I really think my clients' fetishism was a kind of symptom of a lifetime of bottled-up feelings, experiences, desires. (Not to say wanting to get spanked once in a while is bad - I'm talking about this particular group). For instance, I am intimately familiar with "the midlife crisis." I've talked people through major life decisions (e.g. whether to retire or change careers) simply because they haven't found anyone else they believe they can approach without fear of judgment.

As weird as it sounds, I think I got a good number of repeat clients not because I'm some kind of bombshell (actually I was a little overweight the entire time and was friends with some actual models working the same scene), but because I'm a good listener -- and also, once you've seen somebody naked and shown them that their deep dark insane scary secret fantasy is really not a big deal, they breathe easy around you.

TL;DR: My clients had one thing in common: I was the closest thing they had to someone who they could be totally honest with. If that weren't the case, they wouldn't be seeing me. Some of them even had wives/girlfriends who knew they were seeing a professional domme, and they still saw me, because there was something they felt they couldn't express with anyone else.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] Tambourine [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

couldn't have said it better. you definitely understand! I found myself working in a strange gap in society.

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[–] OP_is_lying 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I really think my clients' fetishism was a kind of symptom of a lifetime of bottled-up feelings, experiences, desires.

Some people believe certain fetishes are symptoms of mental issues. Can you elaborate on that? Each case is different of course but did you have certain clients that were a bit of a mess in that department?

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[–] Tambourine [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I'm not sure I can isolate any one fetish as indictive of a given pathology, but I think that fetishism itself - for many, this means an inability to feel sexually satisfied without some kind of typically nonsexual stimulus - is like a pressure valve. If you didn't have a whole mess of unstable gas molecules bouncing around, you wouldn't need it. Obviously, people have feelings and they don't always come out in an orderly way, but persistent pursuit of getting a kinky "button" pushed is not, in my experience, a positive thing.

Example: Mason Masochist "needs" to be hurt. Maybe it's because he wants to express his ability to suffer for a woman's pleasure (this is common and is a whole can of worms). Maybe it's because he "needs to cry" - also common, desire for a stimulus to "let it out." But "letting it out" through a beating simply doesn't solve the problem. It is an escape, a coping mechanism rather than a confrontation of the problem. The healing this can catalyze is limited at best; at worst it perpetuates a cycle of denial and therefore worsening of the actual problem. Mason is not growing from his experience of pain; he's getting temporary catharsis that needs to become steadily more intense for him to feel good. This is the pattern of most of the masochists I met; no one starts out wanting to have needles put in his cock. He turns to that after light spanking doesn't quite do it anymore.

Even worse is degradation. I rarely went far with this for precisely this reason: when someone is dealing with insecurity by intentionally getting insulted for his small penis, his weight, etc., he's only deepening and affirming damaging mental habits.

Again, I'm not a therapist but it was clear to me that these individuals were channeling emotions they couldn't express through my activities with them, and importantly, I was not bringing them to a better understanding of their feelings. I was not helping anyone make peace with anything - only helping distract from the problem and push it further away.

does this make sense?

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[–] 007ace 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I can see that being very difficult for you. That is a lot of unexpected and unnecessary pressure. Some would see a psychiatrist or therapist but if talking to a Dom after being fully exposed is what it takes, who is to say no? On the whole I get that wasn't what you were signing up for. That's for the answer.

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[–] Tambourine [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

ha, "not what I was signing up for" basically nails it. I learned a little about why some therapists can charge so much.