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[–] Tambourine [S] 1 points 3 points (+4|-1) ago 

great question. He has no fetishes (as in, there is not any particular act that he really gets off on), but "anything goes" if it makes his partner excited/happy/whatever. He's dated some very masochistic women in the past and enjoyed that. With me, we've basically done everything I have expressed any interest in - we've each tried domming and subbing, and we've done bondage and such from both sides. But it's just "something to do" rather than a major fantasy -- both now and when I was domming, we've had more "vanilla" sex than "kinky" sex, and the toys are just for when the mood strikes one of us (no pun intended). Our usual dynamic is I initiate the sex and he takes control at some point. Sometimes it's rough, sometimes there's bondage, sometimes we flirt with each other using our EDC pocket knives... but that's the extent of it. We exchange very little pain and have no formal "titles" like Master or Mistress.

I feel it makes sense to add this, although I might catch some flak:

I have come to believe all healthy heterosexual women are, to some extent, "submissive." I'm not some kind of Red Pill fanatic, but I believe the female sexual experience is tied to letting go, giving up control, etc. I also think straight women need to feel aggressively desired in a way that, in my own experience, is less universal for straight men.

Although I consider myself an assertive and decisive person, and my "vanilla" experiences confirm that, I chose to be with a man who's even more dominant than I am, rather than one who would "put the pussy on the pedestal" in a relationship with me. Take that for what it's worth.

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[–] Rotteuxx 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I have come to believe all healthy heterosexual women are, to some extent, "submissive." I'm not some kind of Red Pill fanatic, but I believe the female sexual experience is tied to letting go, giving up control, etc. I also think straight women need to feel aggressively desired in a way that, in my own experience, is less universal for straight men.

I've come to the same (opposite) conclusion as to the role men naturally play in a sexual experience. 95% of the women I've had great sex with prefer letting go and enjoying the moment, while still saying what they prefer, they don't want to lead. And yes, I agree that showing that you desire a woman "agressively" has more results than being passive about it.

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[–] Tambourine [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I believe it. So, you find that you're more satisfied physically because you're in control? Or is it more like "this just works better with her personality, so the sex is better"?

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[–] 7727242? 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I hang out with a lot of dommes, and I agree with your conclusion that most women, dommes included, are sexually submissive. Dommes are either service-topping, are switches, or find domming fun in a different way - playful, empowering, but not orgasmic.

I felt that my work affected my ability to connect intimately with my SO

I find this surprising, actually. I think BDSM experience teaches a lot about human nature and desire, and that can deepen intimacy.

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[–] Tambourine [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I used to feel that way re: deepening intimacy. I've come to feel that "BDSM intimacy" is really a surrogate for real intimacy - a very close sibling, but not the same thing. people use it as a shortcut to get to a place that's near, but again, not the same as, where they really need to be, emotionally.

I know I would never have been persuaded of this when I was involved, and I don't expect you to change your mind because of me. But although I think experimenting is good, I have come to believe that 99% of the time, "the lifestyle" is not healthy.