While taking a politics break and cowboying it up in North Dakota, Teddy Roosevelt took a trip to the bar because awesomeness runs on whiskey. As he entered, some drunk asshole took some shots at him. AT HIM, NOT WITH HIM. WITH A GUN. The shooter then, in what can only be described as “the best example of confusing the brassyness of ones own testicles” pointed the gun directly at Teddy “Wholly Shit This Is Literally The Calm Before The Storm Of Ass Kickings” Roosevelt, called him ‘four eyes’, and ordered him to buy a round for everyone there.
HE LAUGHED IN THE GODDAMN FACE OF A MAN POINTING A GUN IN HIS OWN.
…then he kicked the fuckers teeth in. President “I Bash Trusts Like I Bash Faces” Roosevelt stopped laughing and charged the fucker. He proceeded to bash the shit heads face on the bar until he was unconscious then dragged him out and locked him in a shed until morning.