I’ve been depressed off and on (and more on than off) since I was maybe 12 and I'm 25 now. But I'm different now. My depression is completely gone. It's not hiding in the back of my soul like it used to when I'd have a good day. There's a void where it used to be. An open, yawning pit where Life can begin to seed. I was always kinda worried about losing my depression all together, because it's just always been there, and without it I felt as if I'd lose a piece of my being.
And I have. But it's not bad. It's not a void where something's missing. It's a void that is waiting to be filled, and it feels amazing. I've never felt like this before, and I feel like I can Breathe and Think for the first time ever. Everything's so clear and pretty now, even other people!
This has changed the way I see my schizophrenia. I recognize it as a Gift, one that allows me to see and understand what I need to. I may not be normal by others' standards, but I'm normal by my own. I just have to be careful about making sure I'm All Right because I don't really have anyone in my life to do it for me. I can do this, though, and it's exciting.
I'm finally going to be the person I'm supposed to be, so now I need to integrate myself into the rest of the world. That's where I'm struggling right now. I've been dead and stagnant for so long that I don't know how to start. But I can start now.