August 7th, 2015
If you've read my other post, you can tell I have bad luck with best friends. I guess it might be because I'm so shy? I don't know.
(All names have been changed)
I met Brianna in 9th grade. We immediately clicked and became best friends. We had fun memories together. We did so much together. We had the same classes, got to hang out a lot. But she did some shit to me. I was going through anxiety and depression and she just didn't understand. (No, I did not whine. I did not dwell on it. But sometimes I just couldn't control my crying and had to hide.) She was mean to me about it. But then she was nice again.
In tenth grade, a new girl came. Brianna hung out with her and dissed me. She even at one point said, "I don't need you, I have Dana now. Haha". It made me cry and I hung out in the bathroom a lot for the rest of the day. She was selfish. I'm sensitive to the sun and heat and our breaks were outside. She didn't go into the shade with me and never understood. I bet you're wondering why I kept being friends with her. She was nice, then mean. Then nice again. Understanding, then not. I was too shy to leave her. I loved her a lot though. I think she loved me too (no lez, but we are both girls. It was a sisterly love). She was bullied in the same way I was, in middle school (but we went to different schools and I was in a different state).
Junior year was the hardest. I wanted to kill myself all along, and cut severely. I didn't whine and tried to keep it from her. I'm not an attention whore. Anyway I just couldn't go to regular school anymore. So I transferred to online school for junior and senior year. Brianna was busy, and I understand that, but she never made an effort to stay in contact with me when she was free. She's a strange character. She loved me, then was mean. I don't know.
I saw her a long time ago. I told her how my ex friend almost got me left behind miles away from home (on purpose) and she laughed. Fucking laughed. But then she got nice again and explained how she has weird reactions to things. I don't know.
Anyway, we just graduated high school and her birthday party is tomorrow. I haven't seen her for a long time and this is possibly the last time I'll see her. We are going to different colleges. I forgot her birthday until today. I got some earrings I have had for a long time to give her. They are nice earrings, even though I have had them for years. They're not expensive, though. I will get her a card early tomorrow. We are going to a mall later in the day. There's a lot of people going and I'll probably hang out with someone else instead of her. I don't know if I'll be left out, because all of these people still (or did) go to the school I left and all they talk about is that school. I do have some good friends that will go, so I can hang out with them.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea about her. She was a great friend, but hurt my feelings a lot over the years. I'll see how everything goes tomorrow.