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[–] big_fat_dangus 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

I'm sorry this is happening to you bro, that's always a kick in the balls. Keep in mind the situation most likely played out that way because of timing, luck, personal preferences, and things like that. Not because you're somehow inferior or because she doesn't like you.

As for what to do, you have to distract yourself with other things and people until enough time goes by that it stops hurting so much. You know better than I do specifically what and who that needs to involve. Oh and smash some puss asap. Take a few tinder hoes out. Even if it's just for the release, it will also help to break the obsessive thoughts of this Jess girl.

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[–] wafflesid 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Smash some puss.

Sage advice you can only get from big_fat_dangus :)

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[–] bill.lee 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Excellent advice. I think every person has been here before and, at least how I think of it, the best thing to do is distract yourself and move on. I was also thinking of some advice that a friend of mine gave to help get over a crush, which was to focus more on the negative qualities. That sort of helped me de-elevate her from the place she had taken in my mind.

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[–] TheLandsOfSummer [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Thanks for the advices guys. But I can't just seem to stop. I can't stop thinking about him and her and how much I dislike both of them. Any attempts to suppress any positive feelings have failed. I feel really really bad. It feels unpleasant.

I know I'm probably overreacting but it just feels like joy isn't something I can experience now. I listened to a lot of songs and I tried a lot of happy movies. Joy just feels like a dream. It's like on the outside I'm stable but in the inside I just have what it feels like eternal conflict. It feels like regret plus sadness plus hatred plus jealousy times ten. My body just feels like it's going to cry in the corner any second now.

My thoughts have been worse. Some of the more negative side of my mind have popped out and the more positive side has been almost gone. My thoughts are now just about them, their relationship, and how I fucking hate it.

I don't know, maybe some exercise can help.

EDIT: It helped. Not much. I have no clue why, but now exercise just gives me a tenth what I was supposed to feel. I don't feel very motivated to do anything. My appetite is low. I just don't want anything. I just want to sit at the computer and do nothing.

It really feels like you're at the bottom of a very long and dark pit. You can't just seem to get out. You hear people just walking past you while you scream. Some tried to help. The rope just isn't long enough.

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[–] Wildore 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

It sounds like you're in a rough spot and I'm sorry that you're going through this. This is one of those shitty life situations that everyone has to experience at some point because that's what being human is all about! Experiencing everything in life - lows included.

There's a certain beauty in the dark moments of life when you seem inconsolable. For the most part, you are. Until something comes along that resonates with you and speaks to you even though you're down at the bottom of a long and dark pit. Maybe it's exercise or maybe it's a sad, down-tempo song that you never vibed with because you only ever heard it when you were happy. But you hear it now - listen to it nowand it perfectly fits your feeling and the mood of your dark pit. Now, your dark pit has a certain ambience and you can wallow and feel the hurt and it feels a bit better to feel the hurt with some music or art or scenery with company.

My advice to you is to find an outlet (exercise, art, writing, music) or someone else's outlet (sad songs, dark art, sad books, movies) and wallow with it and let yourself feel all the bad. Don't try to supress it, that only serves to make the healing process longer and more difficult.

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[–] distortedlines 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Hey man, don't worry you'll get over it. And yeah exercise helps me a lot when I feel down about something, it allows you to improve yourself and makes you feel better about yourself.

Hope you get better.

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[–] big_fat_dangus 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Searching for happiness or meaning or forgiveness in this situation is unlikely to be fruitful. In fact, you're probably better served by taking time to examine the darker and more difficult feelings. You have to deal with their shit right now anyways, so you might as well take the opportunity to learn things about yourself. Seek art that talks about the feelings you're experiencing. Anything from podcasts, to paintings, to death metal.

Bear in mind that the idea is to observe, and study, these emotions, as opposed to acting on them. Bear in mind needs hunny. And you can quell him by learning all their is to know about that need, and redirecting it.

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[–] dilophosaur 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Might sound crazy or harsh, but the best way I've found to move on from feelings like that, is just to imagine your two friends banging hardcore and realize they're enjoying every second of it, and YOU my friend are the furthest thing from either of their minds. It's the hope of some kind of action you could take to change things that's getting you stuck. Once you realize you're out of the picture, it's much easier to move on to something else. And honestly it's for the best. If you're friend had feelings for you, she'd probably be dating you instead. There are plenty of people out there in the world. Crushes are unhealthy. Hope things work out for you.

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[–] TheLandsOfSummer [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Well I thank you all for the help. Things have been looking better and I am optimistic. I'm beginning to deal with it and just accepting it.

I'm nearly out of that hole, and I can see the light. All of you are there, giving me some help with helping pulling the rope.

And I agree. Everyone will almost experience this thing. Once or many times. But now things are better. And I wish it will stay that way.

I thank you all for the help, but I think that now it's up to myself to pull myself out of that hole.

I thank you all.

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[–] petraman 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I was in the exact situation in high school and, I'm not going to lie, it was really hard for me... My "friend" (who I'm no longer in contact with) hid it from me for a while, only to find out when I saw them holding hands. That was a low blow.

My advice is to try to find another group of friends for the time being... Try to meet new people, don't try to look to replace her (rebounds probably won't help in the long term) just try to get other people to distract you.

Also, you need to ask yourself if it really would have worked out... I think that's what helped the most for me, realizing we're much better as friends than potential partners. Even though we get along really well and she was one of the nicest people I ever met, our views on life were completely different and we wouldn't have been able to maintain a relationship with any depth.

I should also note that I actually got the courage to ask her out after they broke up. She said no, I was too good of a friend... That hurt more than when she started dating my friend. Be glad you never got to that point.

Good luck! I know those feels...

p.s. listen to this song. It always makes me happy, no matter how down I am.

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[–] sachianakatoni 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Hey you might think " Hmm, I am SOL" but hold on - things can change or not , but do not freak out. You sound like a fine person- hang in there! Let us all know what happened. Good Luck.