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[–] Scruffy_Nerfherder 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Not wanting to kill yourself and wanting to live are two separate things. Right now I don't want to kill myself, but I don't really want anything this world has to offer. I am trying to recover but it has been years - this is probably the best I'm going to get.

It shouldn't be easy, but it should be possible.

Edit: my situation is hardly unique. This is why people drink themselves to death. They don't want to live - but don't want to kill themselves. Drinking is how they manage the pain of living.