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[–]Klaxon0 points
13 points
13 points
(+13|-0)
ago
A meteorite landed in Russia this one time, and I live in The Pacific Northwest (in the USA). That might not seem very close, but on a cosmic scale it just missed me.
There have actually been a number of times - maybe more where I didn't realize just how close I was. When I was a small child (maybe 6), I was fishing with my relatives; I slipped and fell into a fast-flowing river. It was just luck that my aunt saw it happen and had the reflexes to grabbed my arm as I was swept past her.
Another time when I was young (around 10) and swimming in the ocean, I got caught in a rip and taken out to sea. I have no idea how far it took me, but I could barely make out people on the beach, and nobody saw it happen. I eventually managed to swim back in, despite being taken under by waves a couple of times.
Another time when I was driving interstate, I momentarily fell asleep at the wheel, and woke up a few seconds away from a head-on collision with a semi-trailer truck. I managed to swerve back onto my side of the road just in time.
A while back when I was in Egypt, I was playing with a cobra that I thought had been milked - it hadn't. It spat venom at my eyes, and I was just lucky to be wearing glasses at the time. Nobody had antivenin nearby. Not sure if it would have killed me, but glad I didn't find out.
More recently when I was in Petra, I was free climbing to one of the less accessible tombs. On my way down, I slipped and only just managed to catch myself. It would have been about an 8 metre fall - not sure if it would have killed me, but again, glad I didn't find out.
8 meter fall, depending on how you land, will (if you land on your feet and absorb the impact by bending your legs, and roll forward to dissipate momentum) hurt like a bitch and crack or break something, or (if you land on your head/upper back) really hurt and then kill/paralyze you.
I chewed on a lightbulb when I was really young (A small one, like you'd find in a flashlight). No major damage, though. But if I had swallowed it I could have been in major trouble.
In 2006 I was in the passenger seat of my dad's suburban and we got the green light to pull through a four way intersection. We got half way through and a semi truck came blowing through at 60 mph and ran right into us at the front passenger tire. It then drug us a 1/4 mile down the road.
[–]cstrawfield0 points
2 points
2 points
(+2|-0)
ago
(edited ago)
Found myself riding shotgun in a speeding '76 Lincoln Continental during a high-speed chase through downtown Wilmington, NC, giant green hood pitching and yawing through the night like the bow of a sea-tossed ship. Out the back I watched a second cop car move in behind the one behind us. Then another. Then another. Within minutes there was a train of them, blue and red-flashing kite tail in whipping wind.
We were done for, clearly, but some kind of ancient mid-brain structure short-circuits rational decision-making. You're an antelope escaping lions. And we were all probably undiagnosed oppositional defiant disorder cases. Jailbird Chuck, in the backseat with his girlfriend, hollered, "Go, TJ! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!"
Breathing burnt oil, tires, brakes as we peeled onto sideroads and slid around corners, hopped curbs, bounced hard over a concrete island -- ludicrous attempts to shake off tails of this tremendous car with trampoline suspension -- it handled like a swimming pool on wheels.
We didn't know the town, and TJ made a bad turn -- wrong way up a one-way two-lane. That was it for me -- it had to end before we killed someone. I hollered, "TJ, stop! Pull over! Pull over!" TJ was a brilliant guy, but a lost soul like the rest of us. Unlike us, though, he was fearless, and no doubt he would've driven that giant car right on into whatever fiery end. But for some reason he'd listen to me. He braked hard and managed to heave the old Lincoln over into a closed service station. A screaming cop car slid in behind us. Then another, another, another, forming a semi-circle to hem us in against the station's brick facade. Then out came the cops, screaming profanities, beaming lights, training pistols on us. This was the early 90's, and Wilmington at the time had become a significant drug-trafficking hub -- no doubt the police took us for part of that scene.
Two cops came forward, two-handing pistols at me and TJ from the left and right rear of the car. Instructions were screamed:
STARBOARD COP: PUT YOUR HANDS OUT THE WINDOW WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!
PORTSIDE COP: DRIVER, TURN OFF YOUR VEHICLE!
(TJ reaches in for the ignition)
SC: (Hysterically) GET YOUR HANDS OUT WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!
(TJ puts hand back out the window)
PC: DRIVER! I SAID TURN OFF YOUR VEHICLE!
(TJ reaches in again)
SC: (More hysterically -- really screaming) I SAID GET YOUR HANDS OUT WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!
PC: DRIVER, TURN OFF YOUR CAR!
I looked back at a constellation of gun-barrels training on us, angry, adrenaline-addled, cop fingers curled tensely over triggers. One wrong move and every gun would've unloaded on us. A miracle we hadn't been shot yet. I told TJ to keep his hands out the window and started talking at the guns and lights.
Smash cut to TJ being chained face-down on the concrete floor of the police locker room, an ankle and a wrist manacled to facing banks of lockers. He'd spend the rest of that night like that. In the mandatory pre-processing interview, he'd taken care to answer all the questions wrong.
INTERVIEWER: Do you plan on harming yourself in our jail tonight?
TJ: Yes.
INTERVIEWER: Do you plan on harming anyone else?
TJ: Yes.
Etc.
If you ever get taken downtown (and I hope you never do), don't answer that way.
TL;DR: Chased by cops, pinned down by furious pistol-wielding pursuers who may've been baiting us into behavior warranting deadly force. Should've been killed. Got lucky.
Why thanks! Those were some crazy times -- some of the memories make for pretty good stories. I'm going to keep an eye out for opportunities to post another story or two.
Sort: Top
[–] [deleted] 0 points 22 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago (edited ago)
[–] Wafflenotblue 0 points 15 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago (edited ago)
Angel: What should /u/Icantthinkofanewname's life plan be?
God: Just fuck him up
[–] TremorAcePV 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
You dropped this:
[–] Bioreactor 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Holy shit, that is a lot of things to go wrong in one life
[–] pH_ 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Look at the upside, getting dumped or being homeless sounds relatively not too bad now.
[–] Klaxon 0 points 13 points 13 points (+13|-0) ago
A meteorite landed in Russia this one time, and I live in The Pacific Northwest (in the USA). That might not seem very close, but on a cosmic scale it just missed me.
[–] Lobotomy 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
That would imply you're important enough to register on the cosmic scale.
[–] Klaxon 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Well ... I am the center of my very own universe.
[–] Reow [S] 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
There have actually been a number of times - maybe more where I didn't realize just how close I was. When I was a small child (maybe 6), I was fishing with my relatives; I slipped and fell into a fast-flowing river. It was just luck that my aunt saw it happen and had the reflexes to grabbed my arm as I was swept past her.
Another time when I was young (around 10) and swimming in the ocean, I got caught in a rip and taken out to sea. I have no idea how far it took me, but I could barely make out people on the beach, and nobody saw it happen. I eventually managed to swim back in, despite being taken under by waves a couple of times.
Another time when I was driving interstate, I momentarily fell asleep at the wheel, and woke up a few seconds away from a head-on collision with a semi-trailer truck. I managed to swerve back onto my side of the road just in time.
A while back when I was in Egypt, I was playing with a cobra that I thought had been milked - it hadn't. It spat venom at my eyes, and I was just lucky to be wearing glasses at the time. Nobody had antivenin nearby. Not sure if it would have killed me, but glad I didn't find out.
More recently when I was in Petra, I was free climbing to one of the less accessible tombs. On my way down, I slipped and only just managed to catch myself. It would have been about an 8 metre fall - not sure if it would have killed me, but again, glad I didn't find out.
[–] pH_ 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
8 meter fall, depending on how you land, will (if you land on your feet and absorb the impact by bending your legs, and roll forward to dissipate momentum) hurt like a bitch and crack or break something, or (if you land on your head/upper back) really hurt and then kill/paralyze you.
[–] Sadistic_Bastard 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
I chewed on a lightbulb when I was really young (A small one, like you'd find in a flashlight). No major damage, though. But if I had swallowed it I could have been in major trouble.
[–] Prepackaged 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Every time I find myself behind a driver from New Jersey.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
[–] [deleted] ago
[–] pH_ ago
Physical death vs brain death, people can die but not be medically dead (brain + physical death iirc)
[–] Namelesshero102 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
In 2006 I was in the passenger seat of my dad's suburban and we got the green light to pull through a four way intersection. We got half way through and a semi truck came blowing through at 60 mph and ran right into us at the front passenger tire. It then drug us a 1/4 mile down the road.
[–] cstrawfield 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
Found myself riding shotgun in a speeding '76 Lincoln Continental during a high-speed chase through downtown Wilmington, NC, giant green hood pitching and yawing through the night like the bow of a sea-tossed ship. Out the back I watched a second cop car move in behind the one behind us. Then another. Then another. Within minutes there was a train of them, blue and red-flashing kite tail in whipping wind.
We were done for, clearly, but some kind of ancient mid-brain structure short-circuits rational decision-making. You're an antelope escaping lions. And we were all probably undiagnosed oppositional defiant disorder cases. Jailbird Chuck, in the backseat with his girlfriend, hollered, "Go, TJ! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!"
Breathing burnt oil, tires, brakes as we peeled onto sideroads and slid around corners, hopped curbs, bounced hard over a concrete island -- ludicrous attempts to shake off tails of this tremendous car with trampoline suspension -- it handled like a swimming pool on wheels.
We didn't know the town, and TJ made a bad turn -- wrong way up a one-way two-lane. That was it for me -- it had to end before we killed someone. I hollered, "TJ, stop! Pull over! Pull over!" TJ was a brilliant guy, but a lost soul like the rest of us. Unlike us, though, he was fearless, and no doubt he would've driven that giant car right on into whatever fiery end. But for some reason he'd listen to me. He braked hard and managed to heave the old Lincoln over into a closed service station. A screaming cop car slid in behind us. Then another, another, another, forming a semi-circle to hem us in against the station's brick facade. Then out came the cops, screaming profanities, beaming lights, training pistols on us. This was the early 90's, and Wilmington at the time had become a significant drug-trafficking hub -- no doubt the police took us for part of that scene.
Two cops came forward, two-handing pistols at me and TJ from the left and right rear of the car. Instructions were screamed:
STARBOARD COP: PUT YOUR HANDS OUT THE WINDOW WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!
PORTSIDE COP: DRIVER, TURN OFF YOUR VEHICLE!
(TJ reaches in for the ignition)
SC: (Hysterically) GET YOUR HANDS OUT WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!
(TJ puts hand back out the window)
PC: DRIVER! I SAID TURN OFF YOUR VEHICLE!
(TJ reaches in again)
SC: (More hysterically -- really screaming) I SAID GET YOUR HANDS OUT WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!
PC: DRIVER, TURN OFF YOUR CAR!
I looked back at a constellation of gun-barrels training on us, angry, adrenaline-addled, cop fingers curled tensely over triggers. One wrong move and every gun would've unloaded on us. A miracle we hadn't been shot yet. I told TJ to keep his hands out the window and started talking at the guns and lights.
Smash cut to TJ being chained face-down on the concrete floor of the police locker room, an ankle and a wrist manacled to facing banks of lockers. He'd spend the rest of that night like that. In the mandatory pre-processing interview, he'd taken care to answer all the questions wrong.
INTERVIEWER: Do you plan on harming yourself in our jail tonight?
TJ: Yes.
INTERVIEWER: Do you plan on harming anyone else?
TJ: Yes.
Etc.
If you ever get taken downtown (and I hope you never do), don't answer that way.
TL;DR: Chased by cops, pinned down by furious pistol-wielding pursuers who may've been baiting us into behavior warranting deadly force. Should've been killed. Got lucky.
[–] Reow [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
That was a fantastic read - not sure if you write much, but you should, you have a knack for it!
[–] cstrawfield 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Why thanks! Those were some crazy times -- some of the memories make for pretty good stories. I'm going to keep an eye out for opportunities to post another story or two.
[–] Lobotomy 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Did you do time for that?
[–] cstrawfield ago
Just the one night in jail. The driver got in some pretty serious trouble, but thanks to a good lawyer he managed to avoid doing time.