Archived How can I fight the rampant abuse of inquisitive greetings without coming off as autistic? (AskVoat)
submitted ago by tanzmeister
Posted by: tanzmeister
Posting time: 5.3 years ago on
Last edit time: 5.3 years ago on
Archived on: 2/12/2017 1:51:00 AM
Views: 1120
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7 upvotes, 3 downvotes (70% upvoted it)
Archived How can I fight the rampant abuse of inquisitive greetings without coming off as autistic? (AskVoat)
submitted ago by tanzmeister
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[–] [deleted] 0 points 16 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago (edited ago)
[–] roboticon 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
But also, don't use "autistic" as a synonym for being an asshole.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
[–] tanzmeister [S] 6 points -3 points 3 points (+3|-6) ago
Oh shit! I've never seen this before! Thanks! /s
[–] zenguppy ago
So how are you doing OP?
[–] [deleted] 0 points 11 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago (edited ago)
[–] tabarjack 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
For the record, if you do this, people will literally stop pestering you with inane questions such as that. To make them stop faster, I learned that you should always make it sound like everything is going great. The only downside is some retards think you are their friends and ask you for cookies, to which you should just say "no, I'm not your friend" and laugh as his thoughts of having a friend get shattered.
Example: "I'm doing great. Two weeks ago I borrowed 150$ and paid it back yesterday. I am totally debt free now and could go anywhere I wanted without even having to think of the past catching up to me. I can't wait until this weekend, you?"
[–] [deleted] 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago (edited ago)
[–] tanzmeister [S] 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago (edited ago)
I see you. I think that people do this when they don't know you, but they think they should. So, giving a slightly more open ended response might be a good way to make them consider ... fuck me this really is sounding autistic. Basically I think society could benefit from a change to the social norm toward more genuine interaction. I guess the place I work is just so devoid of personality that it's starting to get to me.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
[–] Astromachine 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Saying "how's it going?" is a non-committal conversation starter. It leaves you, the receiver the opportunity to actually engage in a conversation or dismiss it it you like without any sort of social obligations. If I did care how you were doing and said "So, tell me how you're doing" this is much more forceful and, if you're not interested or comfortable with the conversation it is more difficult because you have to actually refuse me. Just saying "Hi" in passing also does not really tell you the person sending the greeting is open to a conversation. So, if there is something you want to talk about you have to be the one initiating the conversation.
[–] roboticon 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
But "how's it going?" isn't always a conversation starter -- how do you know whether someone saying this would really be open to a conversation or is just being polite?
[–] Astromachine ago
It isn't itself the conversation starter, it is a neutral invitation to start a conversation. At the very least, if you respond with a conversation the person who isn't interested then has to back out of it. In which case, those who are not open to conversations will not use it since there are lots of other polite greetings which don't open you up for conversation. Such as "good morning."
[–] [deleted] 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
[–] roboticon ago (edited ago)
"I am because I think" does not describe how you are, it is merely proof that you are. How it is you manage to be at all is the real question we want to address.
[–] [deleted] ago
[–] Emu_Mud_Wrestling 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
Before I read this article I used to care about people being fake too. Pay attention to
It is really quite liberating when you realize how much energy you were putting into these interactions that are inconsequential and conserve your energy for times when it counts. A simple, "good, you?" is low energy and lets you get to what you need to get to. /v/nomerasques point is an excellent starting point too.
[–] tanzmeister [S] ago
Nice. At the risk of delving too deep, I think I give too many fucks about people giving the wrong fucks. I usually try not to give a fuck, so I'll try harder.
[–] roboticon ago (edited ago)
/v/nomerasques doesn't exist
EDIT: oops, i thought you were suggesting a subverse as a starting point. You were trying to reference the comment /u/nomerasques made.
[–] Emu_Mud_Wrestling ago
My bad. Thanks for the help.
[–] Arotaes_Forgehammer 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Just say "fine".
[–] VSXD 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
sometimes "fine" is a lie... you're saying that lying is acceptable social behavior? What kind of society will this madness create?!
[–] wayne 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
It sounds like you're just wanting everyone who isn't heavily invested in a heart-felt answer from you to say something to the effect of, "Greetings, fellow person!" and then walk past you. That said, this is a "you" issue, not a "them" issue. Learn to operate in the society you live in. If you are concerned with pointing out how fake and hollow someone sounds in normal, everyday small talk, you're going to make a lot of enemies and no difference.
How about building relationships so that when they ask, they have a reason to care about the relationship? I can tell you that if someone responded to a casual "Hey man, how's it going?" with something like, "Why does it matter to you? You don't know me and wouldn't care if I told you." I would just completely cut off conversation with that person, as much as possible.
Maybe that's what you want.
That's a stupid thing to want.
[–] tanzmeister [S] ago
Sorry for coming off so negative. It's just, all day I hear conversations about nothing and it grinds me down. It makes me wonder how long I have before I'm perfectly fine with those kind of interactions.