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[–] ArtEnt 7 points 56 points (+63|-7) ago 

I believe that if you fall in love with someone and they fall in love with you, there is a moral obligation to maintain the physical appearance in which the 'love' has occurred. Personally I've never dated anyone chubby and or over weight, but I've had girls whom I've dated ask me, "Will you still be with me if I'm fat" to which I answer a yes, because they are smoking hot at the moment and I want more sex. But truth be told, if the unicorn I''m dating suddenly turns into Jabba the Hutt, I out of SELF RESPECT towards myself, would tell them how I feel or go find myself another unicorn.

Physical looks disappear with time, but that doesn't mean that staying fit and healthy should too. Nuf said.

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[–] xb 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

I agree except in the part of lying for sex (which I understand). I told my SO that staying fit and dressing well is a need for BOTH of us as a mutual show of respect. Becoming fat out of gluttony is like saying "you're so worthless that the best you can get is this bag of lard, so be happy and call it love".

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[–] SpaceRosa 1 points 1 points (+2|-1) ago  (edited ago)

I believe that if you fall in love with someone and they fall in love with you, there is a moral obligation to maintain the physical appearance in which the 'love' has occurred

And how are you going to do that? People get old.

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[–] ArtEnt 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Age you can't stop, but staying fit you can. Don't play smart and use this as an argument, if you really connect age with beauty then that's your problem, but I personally don't connect age with being fat/out of shape.

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[–] DashingLeech 2 points -2 points (+0|-2) ago 

I'd add a caveat. It's not so much about the "moral obligation" as how you address it in your relationship. Nobody ever has an obligation to stay. Of course if you are married with kids, getting up an leaving comes with an enormous cost of time, money, and future relationship issues, e.g., some people often don't like dating people who have other families to support -- the ex can't be exorcised completely.

If you love everything else about them, you may tolerate it more too.

If you have a close relationship and want to keep it and want them to lose weight, that also comes with difficulty and cost, but ultimately can be the most rewarding too. If you address it kindly and helpfully, and honestly, not in terms of "moral obligation" but in terms of mutual attraction and healthy sex-lives, and general health and fitness, that probably goes a long way.

Incidentally, to the "Will you still be with me if I'm fat" to a brand new girl, I would say, "No, I've set my standards very high and I only date top quality women, and that includes a commitment to good health, fitness, and an active sex life. I don't aim for lower quality women who fear that commitment." It's both honest and more likely to get you a date with the "smoking hot" girl. Women tend not to be attracted to Yes men, and definitely not to men who accept any standard, but they do tend to be attracted to those who know what they want and make the girl feel that she is high quality. (And frankly, I would only date her if I felt she actually was high quality.)

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[–] Jourdy288 13 points -2 points (+11|-13) ago 

I believe that if you fall in love with someone and they fall in love with you, there is a moral obligation to maintain the physical appearance in which the 'love' has occurred.

Is this some sort of satire, /u/ArtEnt? I feel like I'm missing a joke.

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[–] fuckredditcensorship 1 points 19 points (+20|-1) ago  (edited ago)

Physical attraction remains important throughout the length of a relationship. If a person was fit and attractive when it started, but then gained a ton of weight, they run the risk of their spouse being no longer physically attracted to them. You can spout "you should love them for their personality" and "don't be so shallow" all day long, but physical attraction is just as important. I'd like you to try to seriously date or have routine sex with a person who you think has a great personality, but find unattractive, or even repulsive in appearance. It won't be good for either party.

This doesn't just apply to gaining weight, either. What if your SO covered their face in tattoos and piercings when they previously had none? What if SO decided to get plastic surgery to change the look of their face? These changes can render the person unattractive to their partner, and no one would expect said partner to stay in the relationship. Why is it any different for weight gain, when that is just as controllable as getting tatted up.

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[–] Ripley_Riae 4 points 9 points (+13|-4) ago 

One should always aim to remain attractive, letting yourself get fat just shows you have little respect for yourself OR your SO.

Fat people are ugly and therefore they shouldn't complain when kicked to the curb when they're traded in for a slimmer more sexy model

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[–] Cocobango 1 points 1 points (+2|-1) ago 

found the fatty

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[–] blinton 4 points 29 points (+33|-4) ago 

My gf is overweight but is the most loving devoted loyal person I've ever met. I've dated skinny women before and although I know not all are like this but my experience shows that they are the highest maintenance, shallow, arrogant bitches imaginable. My gf takes care of me in so many ways. She'll bring me food at my work on her lunch break, routinely takes me out and refuses to let me pay, buys things for me that she knows I'll like and all the sex I can handle and then some. All without even being asked and I do the same for her. She is simply the most amazing person I've ever met. Who cares if she isn't a swimsuit model? I certainly don't. She is cute and cuddly and I love her more than anyone on this planet. I am happier with her now than any other time in my life.

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[–] nobodylistensanyway 8 points 5 points (+13|-8) ago 

This. The people who are saying they are with their girlfriends/SOs and if they get out of shape they get dumped are seriously shallow people.

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[–] Ripley_Riae 1 points 15 points (+16|-1) ago 

Not shallow, realistic. No point dating someone any longer if you can no longer maintain an erection when staring at their naked bulbous body

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[–] puddlewonderful 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

All of their justifications are fears of "what if" but if that what if case actually happens and they were really in love before the what if, it would be much harder to leave than the way they are stating it. Not saying they won't leave, but its not as simple as putting it into words. A lot more comes into account and more what ifs can be laid out for a compromise while retaining love for each other. Actually being in love is the most important part, and if it wasn't there before, it definitely won't be there after so any possibility to stay together will seem way too difficult.

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[–] LazarusLong 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

If I'm not sexually attracted to someone, why would I maintain a sexual relationship with them?

A relationship requires work, and the inability to put forward the minuscule amount of effort required to remain above the line of "so disgusting I can't achieve an erection" says a great deal about a person and how much they really value the relationship/their partner.

This obviously works in both directions.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] hypercat 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I hate the stereotype of skinny women are shallow, and high maintenance, and arrogant. I really do. I have a lot of very fit female friends, maybe not 6 packs but who are active doing the things they love like hiking, welding, volunteering to build houses for the homeless, and none of them are shall or high maintenance. An example, is M from Europe, she is a bean pole, and she is the sweetest most thoughtful loving person I have met in a long time. She is married to one of my best friends and she is not just his wife, she has become our friend and part of our family.

I think the stereotype comes from the shallow girls like Mean Girls, or Laguna Hills. Women who are thin because they are obsessed with their looks, vs. women who are thin because they are NOT obsessed with their looks.

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[–] neon_squirrel 1 points 22 points (+23|-1) ago  (edited ago)

We met and I felt like I'd known her for years. I'm not gonna entirely dismiss someone just because they're overweight.

If it works, it works. And honestly, the sex is pretty great, too.

EDIT: We're getting married next week. Be jealous.

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[–] ciano 1 points 22 points (+23|-1) ago 

I fell in love with her when we were both fit. Now we're fat, and not happy about it.

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[–] Scnavi 1 points 20 points (+21|-1) ago  (edited ago)

Start going to the gym together! Nothing is better than a work out buddy!

Edit: This is coming from a mother, who runs a household and a sales company, in case my reply gets buried. I used to have excuses too, but to whoever sees this, I beg you to let them go.

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[–] onesidedsquare 4 points 7 points (+11|-4) ago 

It's easy to say, but when you have kids, house, etc, making time for yourself sometimes seems selfish. But the reward is more quality time with your kids and friends because you're fit.

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[–] ciano 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Who's the asshole that downvoated this guy?

[–] [deleted] 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] burial4tetthomyorke 2 points 1 points (+3|-2) ago 

I don't know how you managed to assess my entire living condition with one sentence, but thanks for your insightful and personal advice!

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[–] hypercat 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I hope 'starvation mode' was sarcastic. Because that shit doesn't exist.

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[–] nobodylistensanyway 1 points 0 points (+1|-1) ago 

Cutting down calories doesn't magically make weight start rolling off. if you have a jacked-up metabolism and you just ate junk food maybe. It takes a lot of effort to lose weight and still get the nutrition you need. It takes a lot of time because it involves cooking and not going to dinner or grabbing something on the go. Eating less is required but you have to eat the right sorts of things which can be complicated by other obligations in life. Plus exercise, which can also be complicated depending upon your existing health and any physical issues you may have.

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[–] maxk42 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

You know what I did recently? I got me one of these: Mini Exercise Bike and now I sit and cycle while I'm watching TV or playing video games. Burned 400 calories yesterday while talking on the phone to a friend and didn't even notice! They even have one that fits under a desk for the office! Office Version

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[–] Chutney 3 points 14 points (+17|-3) ago 

Because he's awesome.

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[–] Konstamokh 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Simple and to the point. I like that.

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[–] Chutney 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Thank you.

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[–] smallberries 1 points 11 points (+12|-1) ago 

I don't usually fall in love, but when I do, it isn't because of their weight. She's an awesome person, and very attractive.

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[–] gerbil_in_my_pooper 2 points 10 points (+12|-2) ago 

We aren't together anymore, but I dated a pudgy guy for about 3 years. He was there for me during a rough breakup, comforted me, and was just there for me to talk to him about anything. He was also super confident, outgoing, and had tons of great, and very close friends. We parted ways on relatively good terms. To date, one of the best relationships I've ever had. Plus he was AMAZING in bed.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] gerbil_in_my_pooper 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Hah that was a long time ago, and he needed to focus on getting his company up and running. He's making his current girlfriend very happy now, I'm sure :)

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[–] Donbuster 8 points 10 points (+18|-8) ago 

inb4 /v/fatpeoplehate takes over this thread.

Anyways, my SO is currently my left hand, however, I have had a girl on the chubby side before. I would not call it a factor at all. If I like her personality, and her appearance does not disgust me/ make me concerned about being crushed (5'7", 110 lbs, so that IS a potential issue if you get above the 280 ish mark, I guess...), I couldn't care less.

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[–] SouthPark 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

I thought I was in FPH until just now. Was so confused about all the fat admittance. I should really check the subverse before reading....

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[–] Ripley_Riae 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

-Walks in-

It has begun!

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[–] SouthPark 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Lets do this!

Except brigading is not allowed....

Uhhhhhh, so how's the weather over there?

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