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[–] SirPoppycock 0 points 46 points (+46|-0) ago 

A man and a woman had been married for 5 years. They decided they wanted to have a baby. It's was a hard battle for them. She was nearly barren, and he couldn't produce much. After another 5 years she finally got pregnant.. When she finally went into labor they couldn't wait. They baby came out and the doctor covered it up really quick. He said, "There is something I need to tell you about your son.... He's only a head."

The couple couldn't believe it. But, they still wanted to see their boy. They were very protective of him growing up. They didn't take him out unless they had to. But on his 21st birthday his dad thought what the hell.

He took him to the bar and bought him his first beer.. As he carefully poured it into his sons mouth the boy grew a torso. Everyone was shocked. The man quickly ordered another. As the boy drank it he grew an arm. With each drink he grew a new body part until he was finally whole.

The bar erupted in cheers! The boy jumped up screaming and yelling. He ran straight outside and danced in the street. Suddenly a bus hit him and killed him instantly.. The bar tender looked at his dad and said, "He should have quit while he was ahead."

[–] [deleted] 0 points 17 points (+17|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] SirPoppycock 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

This is perfect.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] SirPoppycock 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

That just shows what a twisted human being you are. Stay out of the gore sites for awhile.

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[–] PriyanPhoenix 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

This joke is Streets A Head.

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[–] SirPoppycock 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I'll allow it. Have an upvoat.

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[–] SealofApproval 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I never thought I would be able to use this but seems appropriate here , what goes ha ha ha bonk.....a man laughing his head off.

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[–] SirPoppycock 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Ahaha that's so simple, but amazing!

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[–] Chew_Monster 0 points 44 points (+44|-0) ago 

I have an EpiPen.

A friend gave it to me while he was dying. It seemed real important to him that I have it.

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[–] ssldvr 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

This one is my favorite.

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[–] Probably_insane 0 points 23 points (+23|-0) ago 

There are four people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a gorgeous young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap. Sure enough, when the train emerges from the tunnel there's a huge red mark on the Frenchman's cheek.

The old lady thinks "That dirty Frenchman must have groped the blonde and she slapped him"

The blonde thinks: "The Frenchman must have tried to grope me, but groped the old lady by mistake. Serves him right"

The Frenchman thinks: "Ah no! The Englishman must have tried to touch that beautiful blonde and she slapped me by mistake!"

The Englishman thinks: "I hope there's another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."

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[–] Ithkrul 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I think this is my favorite thus far.

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[–] wouldntsavezion 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

12/10 would get slapped again.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 19 points (+19|-0) ago  (edited ago)

[Deleted]

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[–] Angusvigerous [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

That's gold.

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[–] bongler8 1 points 18 points (+19|-1) ago 

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, its hot in here," and the other say "AHHHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!!"

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[–] intiraymi 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Funny stuff like this makes me wish /u/AWildSketchAppeared would have some awesome drawing for

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[–] admirablefox 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Oh man I have a special relationship with this joke. Except the first muffin definitely says "what's cookin'?" Me and my friends always tell this joke, but usually with the specifics constantly swapping. A bagel in a toaster, a slice of bread in a skillet, a pancreas in a body, whatever we think of. I work in a school now and sometimes I tell jokes to the students, and when I run out but they're still begging for more I just start telling different variations over and over until they get angry and walk away. It's never not funny.

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[–] Didymus 0 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago 

Two whales walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they want. The first whale replies: WOOOOOOWWWWWW WOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEE WOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAA WOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOWWWW WEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO The second whale says: “Frank, you’re drunk”.

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[–] Tsugumori 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

This is also my favorite joke. It works so much better IRL, though. I'd like to stress the importance of dragging out the whale noises just the right amount of time. You'll want to dramatically pause for breath as though you're going to continue, then break into another round of it. I suggest about two minutes, total. You may wish to cut it short if you're threatened with physical violence.

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[–] aluatrill 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

Three Nuns at the pearly gates waiting to get in. Saint Peter says "To gain access you have to answer one question each." He looks at the first Nun and says "Who was the first man on earth?" She replies "Adam." "Correct and have a happy eternity!" Peter says. Then he turns to the second Nun and asks "Who was the first woman on earth?" The Nun smiles and says "Eve!" Peter smiles and says "Have a happy eternity" He then addresses the third Nun asking "What were the first words Eve said on earth?" The third Nun looks bewildered and says "Gosh, that's a hard one." Peter smiles and says "Have a happy eternity!"

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[–] Mr_Joyce 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

What's a pirate's favorite letter? RRR But me first love be the C. Although without P, I'd be irate.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] ChristopherJoaquin 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

"Arr - but my first love be the sea." Without the 'P' the word pirate is irate.

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[–] Speculater 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

It's a play on pirates saying "Arrrrrrr", then instead of "Sea" he says C. It ends without a P he'd be irate, because P+irate = pirate.

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