I know it's not THAT big of a deal. It's just sixth grade, these kids won't even talk to each other in ten years. Of course it feels like a huge deal at this age. She was crying after school. I told my daughter it's a short term thing, and I told her to play it cool, never seem desperate, be open-minded about making new friends, and don't get into a victim mentality.
My main issue is not even the rejection, but the behavior of the other girls. Why would you lie and make a promise you can't keep? Is that simply to be expected with girls at this age?
Age group is 6th grade. Each kid puts down the names of 2-3 people they'd like in their group. Teachers ultimately pick. A 3 day overnight field trip is a big deal, so everybody had been talking about it. She and her friends had already planned to write each others' names down. She did as agreed. Later she asked who they put down. The two girls said:
- Oh, I forgot about you.
- If I tell you, your feelings will get hurt. (when my kid said they'd already made an agreement, this girl said:) Sorry, but I didn't want to hurt my other friends' feelings.
#1 calls her and wants to talk to her on the phone everyday. Then #1 turns around and pulls this stunt. And what a blatant lie. How do you "forget"? This one is a deceptive wench who clearly lied outright. At least #2 was somewhat nice about it. Maybe somebody desperate guilt tripped her at the last minute and she put their name down. Still, two girls broke a promise. But why?
Also, there was a #3 who my kid asked when they planned it all out, but she outright told her she was probably going to put someone else down. This may have stung, but frankly at least #3 had the integrity to be honest.
This is not the first time my kid has been excluded, so I'm worried. There's been some shitty drama with a different group of girls each year, with them walking all over her. She is thin and lean, it's a uniform school, her hair is done neatly, she showers every morning, and I feel confident she is fairly sweet with her friends (but I have not observed her naturally in school). She has a little acne on her nose and is on the hairier side thanks to lighter skin/darker hair and dad's genes. Is it that?
The only other thing I can think of is that she probably comes off as inconfident and possibly desperate.
But if various groups of girls have excluded her, maybe she keeps doing something wrong. Or it could simply be the culture of this particular school.
In addition to what I said earlier, I tell her to focus on being a top student... The good kids should gravitate to her naturally. Even if not, education is the priority and will open social doors later.
I'm planning to put her in martial arts to build more confidence. And some sports like basketball.