Hey guys. So before I begin, I want it to be made absolutely clear that I feel bad about what's happened. I don't want to pass this off as being some ''I'm the victim'' sob story, but I want it to be understood I'm being genuine.
I have autism, specifically Asperger's Syndrome. Thus it has played a role in my social development, as going through life I was never the best at forging close bonds with my peers, or even said or did somethings that were socially inappropriate but I didn't intend for them to come off that way. As a result, friendships were either broken or potential ones crumbled.
Lately, I have been trying my best to move forward and try to do better, but it seems I keep hitting bumps. Just this night, I fucked up badly. Two of my friends from high school(one dude, one girl and we're recent graduates) are dating. With college and/or jobs I mainly talk with them with Instagram messaging. I message both him and her for idle chit chat about life, but I've also asked about their relationship and general dating advice. This has to be made clear, I DO NOT like the girl. She isn't my type anyway and I see her as a friend only. But tonight, I was home alone and was bored not doing much and all my family was out of the house for the weekend. So I was just feeling lonely and wanted to talk to someone so I tried to FaceTime her, but turns out she was with my other friend, her boyfriend. He then messaged me sayig he didn't like it and it was concerning(I did ask about their relationship before, but only in the context of asking advice). I apologized and made it clear I didn't like her that way and that I only messaged her since most of my other friends/acquaintences weren't answering. He did say if it happened again we'd be talking in person.
I feel really bad about it right now, and especially since this has been one of those days where I'm caught up in memories of my past failures. And on top of it is the fact that I've tried to be more social and outgoing but so far the attempts have been fruitless. Being a nerd I've hung out at the bookstore and engaged in good conversation with people looking at similar selections and got a couple of phone numbers hoping to socialize further, but none have responded back. These were people like me, young community college students looking for or doing part time work but at the same time it sucks that it seems that I have to endure the same ''remain lonely and trudge through the days'' routine that dominated my earlier school years. I just feel stuck...
TL;DR My current fuck up of messaging my friend's girlfriend has just added fuel onto the fire of self doubt/pity I feel about my mudane life.