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[–] cyclops1771 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

When I went through a spin-dry program, and then the 12-steppers afterwards, one of the things that they banged into our heads was "change your friends, change your haunts, change your life."

Basically, they were saying that if you just go back to the old places, friends, and activities, you are going to go back to your same old ways.

My advice is to get out. Find news places, new restaurants, new stores, new clothes even, the old places are taboo. Change your schedule - if not a morning person, be one, etc. Exercise if you feel down.

After a few weeks, re-assess. Still having issues?

[–] [deleted] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] TeranNotTerran [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

That's exactly been my experience here. When I was in California I missed San Antonio so much. Granted in San Antonio I practically never miss California, but it's not what I remembered. I do think it actually did get worse, both with traffic and fewer friends.

Alpine could be cool although I don't know how I feel about moving to a place with no ties again. I don't integrate very easily, socially.

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[–] something_went_wrong 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I don't integrate very easily, socially

I grantee wherever you flee to, your experience will then always be the same melancholy. Unless you can either solve that very specific problem or otherwise come to terms with it.

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[–] plankO 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Yes, it is and also Dude MOVE

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[–] RvBMan 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I’d get out of there if it’s reasonable to. I’ve experienced the same thing. Unless someone has that hierarchy of needs (real friends, fulfilling work, self actualisation) then they need to keep moving around until they can get those things.

My experience has always been that going back to places without an equivalent or better to what’s happened has been depressing or at best empty.

Deeper problems won’t be obvious until those “variables” have been isolated. That’s how I feel like I sorted some things out.

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[–] TeranNotTerran [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Heh, I picked San Antonio because it's the closest place I have to home. Then realized that I only see two friends out here with any frequency. I guess I thought I had more friends here than I did.

Got maybe 8 months on my lease. Might try to leave after that, I'm not sure. There are some great and not so great things about the area for me.

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[–] Voopin__Voopin 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

sup teran.

im reading all the comments here, and i empathize with you. i doubt i could easily integrate into any new place. I am a bit of a misanthrope, though.

the reason im responding to this particular comment is thus:

how old are you? (roughly)

im mid-30's and as i've aged, i have less and less friends. I have ONE friend right now. (One more childhood friend who i never see, but he gets an honorable mention.)

as i've aged, i've become less willing to put up with people's bullshit. Regarding your ayn rand girl, i would feel the same crushing disappointment at her hypocrisy. Whether that morphs into contempt is probably dependent upon your own way of thinking. I'm sure it would, were it me in the situation.

i digress, though. I value my one friend these days much more than my many acquaintances in my younger days. I feel like friends should be more "quality" than "quantity".

i have no idea if this helps or not, nor how clear im being with my writing... I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

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[–] hardshaft 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Yes being in a place that reminds you of the happy memories and bad ones as well will make you unhappy. It's the reason why once I graduated my bachelor in Copenhagen, I moved to a different country to do my Masters' program so I didn't have to pass by my ex-wife's institute every single fucking day, being reminded of the good days and how unhappy I was.

It helped tremendously btw.

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[–] Costington_Livrwurth 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

If you start running now, you might never stop. I'm not saying don't do it, I'm just saying be careful, I made that mistake. Also, and this might sound crazy, I have found a cure for depression. It takes a drastic (for some) life change, and involves copious amounts of LSD. You need to find a lover who is willing to take this journey with you as well. Find somewhere secluded but comfortable, take as many days a week that you can afford. Go there, trip balls, make love, talk about everything. There will be times where it feels like you merge into one being, this will be the most beautiful experience of your life. You will come out of it with an entirely new perspective, I promise.

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[–] Chiefpacman 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

How was your friendship? Its usually not recommended to stat friends after dating for a while.

If it’s been years and you’re still feeling upset; maybe you’re still having mixed up feelings. Ir are you just feeling it in certain locations?

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[–] TeranNotTerran [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

It was kind of unusual. She was not at all good to me early on dating. She was mixed for a while, then truly was a great friend to me when I left for California (partly to put distance between us so I could move on). In that time she was a great friend and I finally accepted things and moved on.

Well, the friendship part failing is somewhat recent. I was feeling fine about it and then that sort of set me back, like breaking up twice. Kind of hard to explain. I accepted she was no longer making any attempt at being a friend shortly after I moved back to San Antonio.

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[–] Chiefpacman 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

In that time she was a great friend

Once you move away? That’s odd. Maybe it was easier for her to be your friend, without feeling like she was leading you on, when you were far away.

Doesn’t matter though, you have to forget about her and get yourself in a better mindset. I dated a girl from age 16-24, and when we broke up it destroyed me.

The only way to move on is to realize your self worth, and to realize that you don’t want or need that particular women. Go date some girls and realize that there was nothing special about your ex, that anyone be special.

There were places that would make me sad, and songs I couldn’t listen to. But now I’ve made new memories on top of the old ones, and those places and songs don’t make me sad anymore. Life goes on, time heals all wounds. Family/God/good friends/ hobbies are what you need.

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[–] something_went_wrong 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

So for her to break her promises really shattered a core pillar in my life

Red flag right there about your own character that you may want to pay more attention to. Take personal responsibility for development of your own choices, motives, ethics, and aspirations. Don't day-dream of others taking on your own personal burdens.

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[–] TeranNotTerran [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

I don't know if you are correct. She was someone who I had really admired and looked up to. I learned a great deal of things from her. When she stopped practicing what she preached, it made a bit impact on me and she was who I learned a lot of it from, or at least was shown the door by.