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[–] newoldwave 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

nursing home that specializes in dementia

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[–] Konran 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

I agree. It is the best of several not-very-nice options. I just lost my grandmother on Monday to dementia - something I learned is that dementia patients normally die from lung infections and pneumonia due to an increased amount of their saliva being swallowed involuntarily.

Anyway, at the beginning we tried to care for her and give her what she wanted by keeping her in her own home and having carers visit daily. This worked at first but after time and further deterioration this became unfeasible. It was only after several collapses, a melted microwave oven, and a third broken hip that she was eventually moved into a care home. Unfortunately she only managed 6 months there, but they looked after her. It's sad but she was 98 and I was glad we'd given her as much of what she wanted as was possible. I managed to see her one last time just before Christmas. She squeezed my hand as I told her about her unborn great grandson. I'd like to believe she heard me. May she rest in peace.

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[–] newoldwave 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

It seems that when a person that age falls and breaks a hip, it's the beginning of the end. Don't know why, but seen it many times.

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[–] EvilSeagull 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Medical science believes hearing is the last sense to go. If true she heard you. I'm sorry for your loss.

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[–] witchy_Woahman [S] 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Thanks for sharing that, I know it wasn't easy to do. I'll try some of those tips when I see him next.

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[–] SquarebobSpongebutt 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

It sucks but unless you have 24 hours a day to sit and watch them this is the best answer. Just visit often.

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[–] EvilSeagull 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Good advise about visiting often. Visit at different times to get an idea of what goes on. Get to know the staff by name and let them know you're taking an interest in your father's care. You can form partnerships with staff that will help ease your mind regarding the care he receives. It's good to visit at mealtimes so you can help feed, dementia patients aren't good eaters and staff may be short of time and patience.

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[–] Bob_Ross_Hair 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

“Just visit often.”
This. Visit them often and give them all of your attention.

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[–] newoldwave 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

most nursing homes do suck, but what else?

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[–] Cheesebooger 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Your heart will break a million times. Once you cant care for them anymore you will have to find a good place for them where they can get the care they need.

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[–] Fahrvergnaked 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

It's been 3 years and I'm just about at the end of my ability to hang on any longer. So much pain and abuse... Dementia is a hell of a drug.

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[–] Cheesebooger 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I'll tell ya something else, in case you aren't prepared for it; Even after you put them in care its still hard because then you start feeling guilty, and when you realize that there will be a few times a day, if only for a couple of minutes, they will remember who they are and someone will have to tell them where they are and they will ask where you are.....and the nurses tell you this......it will rip your fucking heart out

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[–] MetalAegis 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Damn son, you actually have a sentimental side, unbelievable.

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[–] Cheesebooger 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

I'm not a total savage

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[–] Fuzzycrumpkin 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

You need a live in nurse, and eventually a nursing home. Do it before you despise your parent.

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[–] Fahrvergnaked 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Listen to this person, you will lose all the good parts and be left with nothing but the parts that stick around despite dementia, (they aren't good parts)

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[–] WatchListMe 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

This could be true- but this is not a decision to be made until after visiting a NEW doctor- for a fresh opinion on his medications and diagnosis of his symptoms.

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[–] littul_kitton 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Take him to a neurologist if you haven't already. They know how to figure out what the problem is, and if anything can help it.

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[–] EvilSeagull 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Definitely do this. Something else could be wrong that mimics or causes dementia.

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[–] WatchListMe 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Finally some rational advice. Upvoted. Medical doctors and Power of Attorney for you so nobody can take advantage of him and so you can use his assets to help care for him.

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[–] vonHugenbuben 1 points 2 points (+3|-1) ago 

Nursing homes get a bad rap but there are good ones out there. You have to do your homework. All nursing homes go through some sort of survey/inspection yearly and the states I have worked in require that the homes have a copy of results available for viewing. Medicare.gov will give you the ratings of all nursing homes. Make sure you take tours, and I would suggest going in the evening or on a weekend when department heads are not there. You can see how things really operate that way. Be prepared for sticker shock, depending on your area it may cost $6000 to $7000 a month. If your family member is going to need Medicaid, make sure you check out the specific criteria for your state so you can try to protect any assets there may be. Sounds like he is going to need a locked memory unit because of possible elopement concerns. Being private pay will most likely put him at the top of any waiting list.

Source: 10+ years of nursing home social service experience.

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[–] WatchListMe 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Nursing homes over Medicate, and regularly use anti psychotic medications to “control” patients. Every single antipsychotic medication available carries a black box warning of DEATH for those with dementia.

Nursing homes main goal is to make a ton of money while keeping every resident “easy to deal with”. That means medicating them, often times to death. The first thing to be done is not a nursing home. The first thing is to sit and communicate with this person, explain hey you missed your flight but we’ll catch the one next week. Nothing to worry about! But in the mean time you have a doctors appointment coming up. Etc... patience and understanding is key- but a good doctor who understands you need him firing on all cylinders and not zombified- that will help a lot.

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[–] vonHugenbuben 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

That is not the way my facility works but we also have a lot of people with true mental illness who need antipsychotic meds. They are paranoid schizophrenics, bipolar, etc. I assume you are not aware of Gradual Dose Reductions which are required to be completed every 3 months in which the psychotropic medications are purposely reduced to a lower dosage to see if that person really needs the dose they were on. Problem with that is most of the time it doesn't work, the person experiences issues and the medication has to be increased to a higher dose than they were on already because it is now not as effective. Chemical restraints are only allowed in hospital settings. Also, keep in mind that the end-stage dementia makes a person into a baby again -minimal response to stimuli, have to be bathed, fed, dressed, etc. Don't confuse the symptoms of dementia with effects of medication.

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[–] Ticklepaws 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Any general idea how much longer the wait times are if you can't afford to do a private pay? 1 year waiting lists, 2 year, 5 year?

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[–] vonHugenbuben 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Really depends on the place and their level of fanciness. And also how many years you can afford to be private pay. You would want a years worth of private pay at least.

Edit: misread the question. The waiting lists I have dealt with were generally about a year long. And most of the time when I called people to let them know about an opening, they had already found a place. Usually had to go through 5-10 people to get one who wanted to move their loved one.

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[–] witchy_Woahman [S] 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago 

Thanks for the advice

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[–] bourbonexpert 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

you cant. its the hardest thing in life to face next to losing a child.

once the disease becomes to dibiliation they will need 24/7 care and supersivion. you will need a live in nurse. or move him or her to a nursing home, you can bring some of their favorite paintings or pictures and even some of they floor coverings or theyir recliner or tv..depends on the home.

im sorry.

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[–] winky 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

If you love him and pray on it you'll get the answers, spend more time with him, always tell him you LOVE him, occasional hugs help, cook your meals together,they did it for us when we couldn't even put a sentence together or wash our ass, they fed us, loved us, hugged us, just returning karma

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[–] digitalentity1497 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

https://www.communityresourcefinder.org/
Edit: This link points to the alz.org (Alzheimer's Association) website's community resource finder. Unfortunately, this does not have a cure. Sadly, you will have to prepare to see his mental state deteriorate more and more even with treatment. Please consult this website for the support and resources near you. You need not face this alone.

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