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[–] ooze 0 points 140 points (+140|-0) ago 

Two hats were hanging on a rack. One hat turned to the other hat and said "you stay here. I'll go on ahead."

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[–] bobroland [S] 0 points 29 points (+29|-0) ago 

The Dad level humor on that is high! He'll hate it! I must use it or that very reason alone!

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[–] pH_ 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift. The panties piped up, don't worry I've got it covered.

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[–] 2hardtothinkofaname 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

I've always heard it as: A scarf and hat arrive at the neck of man. The hat says to the scarf "You hang around here and I'll go on ahead"

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[–] TurdFerguson_ 0 points 81 points (+81|-0) ago 

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

"Aye matey!"

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[–] revrhyz 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Didn't get it. Then I said it aloud. It brought forth a Krabappel-LIKE "Ha!".

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[–] Speculater 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Wow.... Dad level 8.3/10.

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[–] illegal_ghost_bikes 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

More like 80/100.

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[–] zhekingz 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

What is a priate's favorite letter? "ARGGGGHHHHH" Ye think, but a pirate's favorite letter be the C!

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[–] DoctormcAstronaut 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

Why could the little boy get into the pirate movie?

Because it was rated ARRRR.

...though I suppose this one requires a spoken delivery.

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[–] Flanders 0 points 55 points (+55|-0) ago 

I went to the zoo and every enclosure was empty except for the very last one, which had a small dog in it. It was a shi tzu.

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[–] cstoli 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

I just read this to my husband. I'm betting a couple of ten year olds will get this served on a platter very soon. They are at an age where plays on "bad words" are a source of pride.

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[–] 5moreminutes 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Let my younger brother read this one, giggles followed.

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[–] pokkep 0 points 36 points (+36|-0) ago 

What do you call a belt made entirely of watches? A complete waist of time.

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[–] Cringleberry 0 points 29 points (+29|-0) ago 

I went out with a girl named Simile, I don't know what I metaphor.

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[–] pokkep 0 points 20 points (+20|-0) ago 

related dadjoke:

What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of paws and a comma has a pause at the end of a clause.I'll show myself out.

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[–] spooderw 0 points 30 points (+30|-0) ago 

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[–] dashie 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I don't get it. Care to explain?

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[–] jives 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Simile and Metaphor are related terms. I don't know what I met her for = metaphor.

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[–] rs2k2 0 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago 

Why did the bike fall over?

it was two-tired

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[–] Thatisreallyfunny 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago  (edited ago)

  1. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Let out a little wine.

  2. I saw a girl at a vegetarian meeting and she looked so familiar, I must have met herbivore.

  3. Why was the shoebox so sad? Because it had ten issues. (I made this one up!!)

  4. A Gymnast walks into a bar. She doesn't get a medal.

  5. What is the difference between an old bus station and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean. (One of my personal favorites)

  6. What is the difference between a wolf and a flea? One howls on the prairie and the other prowls on the hairy.

  7. Do you know what I heard? Cattle.

Boom! There is a whole weeks worth for you!

Edit: Here are some more

  1. Did you hear about the hungry clock? It sent back four seconds.

  2. What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

  3. What do you call a really mean criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending.

  4. Did you know that 2 x 10 and 2 x 11 are the same thing? Yup. 2 x 10 is 20 and 2 x 11 is twenty too!

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[–] ChrissiTea 0 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago 

number 3, well done.

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[–] KeyboardMonkey 0 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago  (edited ago)

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ow."

On that vein, these are science jokes, but they make my son groan:

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." A tachyon walks into a bar.
Helium walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." Helium doesn't react.

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[–] unixblackhole 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

I always liked: "Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducked."

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[–] Antheus 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

A dyslexic man walked into a bra...

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