[–] NYC_LA 0 points 62 points (+62|-0) ago 

he told me to go do life

You have PLENTY of time to do that dude. But right now, you gotta be there with him. He doesn't want to be an anchor for you - that much is understood.

However, He said "go do life". And THIS is a part of that. He is a PART of your life in a way no one else is (with the exception of your mom).

Go be with your old man.


[–] Rellik88 0 points 22 points (+22|-0) ago 

Yep, stay to the end. Then do life.



[–] BoredSkeptic 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

I lost my father 4 years ago. He spent a month in hospital and despite driving himself there, never left. I was able to spend a lot of time with him, although we weren't aware just how final his last days were. As a result I went back to work instead of talking things through with him about his money affairs or how much he meant to me. I regret it every single day and wasn't there for him when he began to fade.

I was lucky enough to be at his deathbed, but there was no chance to talk or exchange anything but holding his hand.

Try and spend meaningful time with him while you can. This is life and it's your turn to be with him.


[–] theysayso 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Nailed it.


[–] Zesty 1 points 24 points (+25|-1) ago 

Honor his wishes, but make sure to stay in contact with him. Be there when he asks for you. Otherwise continue to build upon the legacy he laid upon your shoulders so many years ago.


[–] witchy_Woahman [S] 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

I really appreciate your response. Thank you.


[–] Zesty 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

I'm glad that you found some meaning in my thought. This is a hard time for you. Perhaps take solace in the idea that many beings have been forced to face this experience. How you face it is up to you.


[–] varialus 0 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago 

Being with him is doing life. Can you not split your time and efforts? I know it may be less efficient, but shit man, being near a declining parent is a hell of a lot purer and more meaningful doing-life that whatever the shit you'd be doing instead. I'm not saying you should stop your life, but fuck man, some things are worth slowing down for. Good luck regardless. :-/


[–] PhilaFerret 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

I agree. When telling him he is part of your life, be sure to let him know some of the other things you're doing. He'll feel less guilty and enjoy your time together more. Above all, don't feel guilty whatever you decide.


[–] 9102618? 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

Be close enough so that he knows he's not alone.

It is tough to be alone when sick, let alone dying.


[–] 9102588? 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

Tough one. Depends on the person. Is he pushing you away out of shame for seeing him weak but still needs help or a sincere desire to see you do well or a mix of both?

I can't tell you what you probably already know is right.

If it were me? I think a balanced approach would be the go I think. Do enough in the world to build your own life but still make the time to share those experiences with him and support him where you can. Have a few stories to share so he can pass on with a smile on his face and knowledge you are going to be better than fine.

My condolences and I wish you both the best.


[–] witchy_Woahman [S] 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Too many good responses to give all of them the attention and replies that they deserve. He's a strong, stoic man. A stronger man than me.

Thank all of you for your thoughtful replies. God bless all of you.


[–] Aaronkin 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Good luck to both of you. He sounds like a man of honor. If I was in your shoes I would tell him This is my life and it is my honor to stay with you. This is what will keep me at peace in my old age.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 



[–] jobes 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

He wants you to remember him for what he was and not what he is

This hurts because it's true. Watching someone die slowly is an awful experience. It he wants to spare you that at his own expense, respect if.

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