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[–]schwanstucker0 points
3 points
3 points
(+3|-0)
ago
(edited ago)
I grew up in a home full of love--it had some problems, but all homes do. My brother and I have discussed this time after time, and both of us feel that the jumpstart we got from a two parent stable home gave us a great deal. Both of us are retirement age, and we are both unfortunately separated from our own families, both for the same reason--we messed up in our choice of a life-partner. We both thought we were doing well for ourselves, but our wives (one each, just to be clear) were raised in homes where the father was an abusive asshole, and that colored our marriages dark gray to very black.
There are lots of other things I could say, but my main comments here, from the perspective of someone who got beaten up pretty badly in the marriage game are these:
KNOW your partner before you marry. DO NOT THINK that your love will change him or her. Make your choice somewhat rationally. Always seek shared values. Don't marry someone who won't take care of himself/herself (i. e., don't marry a man without a job, and have one yourself) And a final one. Seek to match libidos. Everyone says, "Don't found a marriage on sex," but they are really stupid. Sex is how we express our love for our partner, and how we eliminate the negative energy that sometimes fills our days. A "dead bedroom" will ruin the best of relationships, and if your future partner says something like, "I don't care about sex," get the hell away.
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[–] schwanstucker 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago (edited ago)
I grew up in a home full of love--it had some problems, but all homes do. My brother and I have discussed this time after time, and both of us feel that the jumpstart we got from a two parent stable home gave us a great deal. Both of us are retirement age, and we are both unfortunately separated from our own families, both for the same reason--we messed up in our choice of a life-partner. We both thought we were doing well for ourselves, but our wives (one each, just to be clear) were raised in homes where the father was an abusive asshole, and that colored our marriages dark gray to very black. There are lots of other things I could say, but my main comments here, from the perspective of someone who got beaten up pretty badly in the marriage game are these:
KNOW your partner before you marry. DO NOT THINK that your love will change him or her. Make your choice somewhat rationally. Always seek shared values. Don't marry someone who won't take care of himself/herself (i. e., don't marry a man without a job, and have one yourself) And a final one. Seek to match libidos. Everyone says, "Don't found a marriage on sex," but they are really stupid. Sex is how we express our love for our partner, and how we eliminate the negative energy that sometimes fills our days. A "dead bedroom" will ruin the best of relationships, and if your future partner says something like, "I don't care about sex," get the hell away.