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[–] 19205745? ago 

That does ring true with so much of how the world comes at you. But I'm left wondering if there's any room for directing a course in that. With so many things in life it does feel like they were brought about by forces outside my control. But also there are some things in my life, things that have marked distinct branches in how things have unfolded, that came about after carefully and deliberately meditating on them for extended periods. I'm currently living somewhere very, let's say "different", and when old friends find out I live here they're kind of astonished and blown away because it's so outside the realm of day to day life before this. The decision to move here was born out of an idea and the process of setting up a living arrangement came about after a lot of meditation and focus on manifesting that idea. A lot of things in that process were outside of my control, and I could even be convinced that said idea happened to me rather than coming from within me. But in a very real way I feel like I played a role in determining my ending up here. At the same time I don't know that it's been the "right" decision and the multicultural dystopia of this place foisted race realism on me without warning. Is the omnipresent god making decisions in this hard determinism is that god indifferent and ambivalent about us?