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[–] 18702338? ago 

man I want to be honest with you, and I will. I couldnt get through even the first story for one main reason: its much too didactic and feels not at all like a story- but rather an explanation. In a story, you want to show the reader how it is, not explain it to them. That was it doesnt lose its touch, and the reader feels as if he is experiencing something new for the first time. grammar is fine but use of vocab is lacking. From your post you came off as a 30-yo man, but by your writing it appeared as though it was a high school student.regardless, I think the idea is still there with you, and you could make something great of it. Good luck mate.