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[–] 18114582? ago 

I'm so alone and I don't know where to start

I never commit to anything and my health problems just aren't helping. I try to not to make a big deal out of them and tell myself to man up and stop being a pussy but there is only so much I can take before I break. Doctors and shrinks wont help me, I've been to so many doctors with all my problems for many years but I never get any help.

I was an accident and my dad wanted to abort me and when my mom refused he left her despite being with her since their early teens. It's a shame because my dad is a really successful and interesting man and I really wish he would have raised me to be like him.

I'm extremly socialy inept probably due to being so socially isolated as a kid. I have anxiety from all the abuse and trauma I went through. I'm so scared of trusting and letting people close to me, I've never had any close friends or a gf. I've been told I have aspergers but I don't want to believe that.

The only father figures I had were dead beat step fathers that used my mom for sex in exchange for financial aid but I was mostly raised by the internet.

I just wish there was a club or something for people like me, a club that will take the social outcasts who got a shitty start at life and build them into the strong men they should have been. There is no groups like this as far as I know at least in my area.

I did get into the army but it was a fucking meme, it felt like I was in high school all over again. Everything just felt like pretending and nobody was really taking anything seriously

I'm 100% aware that I will have to lift my own weight, but is it too bad to ask for just a little help to at least get the weight off the ground? I admit that I'm weak. I can't bring myself to do things like lift, make friends, read or the things you would usually do when trying to improve, at least not for long periods of time. But I'm not completely useless, It's not like I'm a a slob who can't even make his beat or cook a real meal I just wish I was better in a way.

What can I do ? Where should I start and work from? I'm so weak I need to start from the beginning with something easy and work my way up

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[–] 18117027? ago 

I can't bring myself to do things like lift

You're going to have to, man. Do power lifting and focus on the numbers, put them on a spreadsheet so you can graph them and sperg out a bit. As your numbers rise and you can see that charted, it will give you motivation. You get the most and fastest gains early on. Once you've got a bit of a muscle and strength base you can join a BJJ gym. Since you'll have that strength and physique base you'll get a bit of respect already. Then you have to focus your dedication into the martial art. Your team members (martial arts gyms that compete are de facto teams) will respect you for that as well. Meanwhile, your comradery will grow. Just make sure you don't cheap out on a martial arts gym in terms of its cost or reputation. Join the absolute best gym that you can afford. Doing otherwise can have real repercussions such as patterning poor fundamentals, or a higher risk of injury.

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[–] 18115596? ago 

Maybe join a gym with few people… Get one PT hour to introduce you to the machines and how they work as well as make a program for you. This of course entails you telling him your health problems.

Combine with some martial art. Maybe judo or something. That will give you health + more of a social life you want. Don't focus so much on "making friends". Even just hanging out with other people if you should make none can be rewarding. That said, you have self-insight, and the bravery to atleast make an honest post. That is more than many many people you will meet at these places. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your confidence will increase as you become more used to dealing with people and your health and agility increases.

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[–] 18115594? ago 

Most of the people here were fucked up as kids. I sought out the military too and it did help me immensely by being around only men. Tell us more about your circumstances. How old are you? Do you live alone? You're in the best place where people can give you advice as long as you avoid those trying to actively lead you down the wrong path. Don't get into a relationship with a girl just for the hell of it. Work on yourself if you think you have the ability to at least fake being part of normal society. Better yourself and if being married and raising children is what you seek then find the girl of your dreams.

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[–] 18117024? ago 

The thing about the army was that I got sent home after about 4 weeks because I had a "mental breakdown". I did have the option to either stay or leave but I chose to leave. Looking back at it I kinda do wish I would have just bit the bullet and stayed but it's too late now.

being around only men

There are sadly women in the military here, and they're not seperated from the men. They were all acting like cunts and they're just there for pr and instagram posts.

Tell us more about your circumstances

I'm turning 24 this year, I'm still young and still look young which I'm happy about, I'm not fat or anything. I live with my mother and my older siblings live next door. I have a younger sister but she ran away when he was 12, cut all contact with the family, changed her name and turned into some crazy SJW, I don't think much about her since it's been so long.

Even though I live with my mother I'm still independent so it's not like I'm leeching of her. I have lived alone previously while going to school so I'm mostly capeable of being independent in that sense. I don't have a job, I can't hold up a normal schedule for more than a month or two before I have to tap out, it was the same with school and I honestly don't understand how I got through that without failing. I'm in the process of getting back into work again but I'm really not looking forward to it because it's going to be just like the last time and the time before that.

My biggest problems are mental I think, if I was just stronger mentally I feel like I could fix my other problems more easily. It's the anxiety that's worst, even if I'm aware of it it's still there and it's really fucking annoying not being able to do something as simpel as shop for groceries without feeling like something really bad is doing to happen or something. I have no attentino span even for things that interest me and I get mentally exhaused so easily even while doing just simple shit like changing the tires on my car. I have never taken any medication long term, I was taking some minor anti-depressants for a short while but I just quit after some months

As for physical problems the most notable is post-nasal drip which I assume has been caused by the mold in the house I grew up in. This makes me feel unwell almost all the time but it's worst at night as it disrupts my sleep. I read something saying this could also restricting blood flow to the brain and reduce oxygen intake which might explain why I'm so mentally exhaused all the time. I've been told that there is not much you can really do about it but I should probably see the doctor again even though I don't expect to hear anything new. I don't really like talking about it because I feel like a pussy making excuses.

There is probably nothing I want more than to see our people prosper once again, I don't care what happens to me in the process but it doesn't hurt to hope for the best. Being a good and strong husband and father would be absolutely ideal, but I can't imagine myself being able to do something like that, at least not like this

>>13156974

There is a small gym about 10 minutes away and it's one of those staff less gyms that you register online and you get an entry card or something, I think it's $25 or so a month. I don't know why it's so hard for me to just go. Would buying equipment like a barbell and a rack and just work out at home be good enough or do I have to go to the gym?

I have looked for martials art clubs in my area but it's nothing, I have my own punching bag which I practice with onec or twice a week but that won't teach me how to fight.