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[–] 18016918? ago 

Feeling pretty depressed. No matter how hard I work in my day to day, the hopelessness, self-loathing, and anhedonia always simmers beneath the surface, waiting to bubble up. Can't establish any sort of individual identity, nor find meaning or belonging in a collective. Almost nothing I do pleases me, I'm either doing it because I feel obligated to do it or to escape from reality, or I simply don't do anything at all.

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[–] 18016925? ago 

Do you squat 4 or even 3 plates yet? Are you low(er) body fat? Have to make sure you've got even the most basics covered.

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[–] 18016926? ago 

I've gotten myself in the best shape I've ever been in. Quit eating fast food and soda, dropped 20 pounds (195 to 175) in a few months, then started lifting. Struggled with progression because eating at a surplus was mostly making me fat again and my joints were getting fucked up by the lifts. Got a few different trainers to check my form and they couldn't find any real problems so idk why I was getting hurt

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[–] 18016920? ago 

What would make you happy? Do you have that capacity?

For example if you had a loving family would you be happy?

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[–] 18016922? ago 

I don't know what would make me happy, if anything. Maybe my brain has been too damaged by escapism to be satisfied with the mundane and real. I'm not sure if I would be happy with a loving family. I think I would always have doubts about my parenting, about my children's place in the world, not to mention how hard it is for me to give up my privacy and autonomy for people that usually don't appreciate it. Also, I've come to realize that marriage nowadays doesn't offer me as much as I risk losing