Submissions: This user has upvoted 16 and downvoted 0 submissions.
Comments: This user has upvoted 26 and downvoted 0 comments.
5 highest rated submissions:
[WP] Two people wake up one morning to find out they have switched bodies, fortunately they are twins, unfortunately they have never met., submitted: 3/30/2016 2:31:45 PM, 15 points (+15|-0)
Someone keeps finding pieces from their favorite board game randomly scattered through out the house., submitted: 3/29/2016 8:47:26 PM, 9 points (+9|-0)
[WP] Two soldiers from opposing sides have to work together to survive but each wants to go back to their own country., submitted: 4/18/2016 3:20:39 AM, 9 points (+11|-2)
[WP] There actually is a purpose to life, as it turns out, chickens have figured it out and it has something to do with crossing the road., submitted: 4/23/2016 10:59:23 AM, 7 points (+8|-1)
[WP] Trees and plants around the world begin randomly growing consumer items, electronics, packaged foods, clothes, weapons etc. chaos ensues and seed collectors become prime targets. , submitted: 4/5/2016 6:10:23 PM, 6 points (+6|-0)
5 lowest rated submissions:
3 highest rated comments:
Kyron_Wight 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
The entirety of life can be summed up with 3 buttons and 32 pixels. Its pleasures and even its pains. I only realized this when my sister died. As I entered her house it was clear that the future was not welcome. The walls were made of lifeless timber and the lack of e-helper greeting was somewhat unnerving.
I could still hear her voice singing out through the halls but the warmth was gone. It had gone when mom and dad died and she inherited the house and again now that these walls belonged to me. I'd gotten used to my new life because this place was foreign and unwelcoming. Even though the bedroom I once inhabited had been kept the same for decades.
I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to say. I didn't have anyone to say it to. This was it. Life had taken the last of my immediate family and, as far as I cared, that was all of the family I had. For a moment I felt weak. I sat down on the bed just to catch my breath when I heard a snap beneath me followed by a slow cracking sound.
Reaching in between the mattress and the box spring I could feel a hard plastic object. I pulled it out and almost smiled for the first time in months. I held in my hand my digital pet; my old friend. I knew she couldn't die but I still felt bad that I hadn't fed her in 24 years. I tried to turn it on and the machine reacted as expected by doing nothing. I placed it in my pocket and continued on with my day. Filling out tax forms, categorizing and selling memories, and speaking with people I had hoped I would never have to speak to again.
Kyron_Wight 0 points 1 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago
“Good morning captain.” Augustus said.
“Good morning.” I responded, “What do you have scheduled for me today?”
“Nothing captain, you've one more week before you must return to your ship.”
I'm not actually a captain but I do work on a ship. A container ship that is, moving product from here to there and back. I was very impressed by this e-helper. I only saw him for three months out of the year but it had learned so much about me just through daily interaction and had decided to call me captain all on its own. Not that I had any issue with it.
“What am I supposed to do for an entire week Gust?” I asked.
“You can do as you'd like Captain.” Augustus responded.
“Don't you have anything more constructive to add?” I was still fumbling with my blanket, wondering if its weight was too heavy for me to lift.
“If you begin now on the itinerary I've created, you can still complete it within 6 years.”
Augustus was always trying to make me to go through on my promise. When my mother passed, which was only two years ago, I fell into an impassable depression. During one of our conversations Augustus suggested that I make a list of all the things I would like to accomplish in life and get started. Between the debilitating sorrow and ¾'s of the year spent out on the dreary sea, life wasn't my highest priority. One day I sarcastically promised that if he made a list himself I would go ahead and do it.
On that list are items such as save the barrier reef, donate a macaque monkey, and put cooked rice in a mayonnaise jar. He had been going through my online journal again and misinterpreting my dream entries. It was admirable at least. This Eminetix designed A.I e-helper had an option in which you could select your biggest goal and the e-helper would help you achieve that goal. I felt that 'happiness' was nice and open ended.
I opened my eyes just enough to make sure I was still at home and not day dreaming in a cot on a freighter. There was a small purple object sitting on the night stand next to me.
“Gust, what is that?” I asked while in a blurry stupor.
“You brought that in with you last night Captain. I've already analyzed it and it is harmless.”
“You analyzed it?” I asked, “I don't remember that...or anything actually.” My daily head ache was setting in right on time.
“You may have trouble remembering because your blood alcohol level was far beyond the recommended dose. I analyze everything that comes into the house.” Augustus said, “It all comes included in my security protocols. I've prepared coffee for you in the kitchen.”
I needed to get something in me now if I was going to enjoy passing out for the rest of the day. One leg at a time I made it to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Coffee steam massaged my nostrils.
“You could have just brought it to me on the Mobi-Tray.” I gently scolded Augustus.
“I know.” he said.
I sat in silence, sipping away, probably for too long because Augustus decided to interrupt me.
“Captain, what do you plan to do with your digital pet?” he asked.
“Not much.” I responded, “I'm pretty sure it's broken.”
“It can be repaired.” he said and even though he was a disembodied voice I could almost feel him smiling.
He instructed me very carefully and piece by piece I began to put it back together with parts that Augustus custom made using the apartments built in material printer. It wasn't too long before the only thing left was to put in the battery. As soon as I did the machine began beeping and displaying something on the screen.
“I can't quite make it out.” I said.
“As expected,” Augustus said, “the plans suggested that this model has always had a high rate of display failure. Nothing to worry about, if you place it into the data adapter bay I can connect it to the television.”
Technology sure has come a long way. I did as I was told and sat down to see how my little buddy had been all these years. Suddenly a pixelated character came to life and began strutting back and forth on the TV screen. I was hit with a wave of nostalgia, a well of warmth and love from a time when I hadn't a worry in the world.
“That's amazing.” I said as the image of my father helping me paint my toys sprung up in my mind. I could almost smell the paint thinner staining his shirt.
“Hey there little buddy....oh, I used to call it something but I don't remember what.”
Then the letters T-A-R-O-S-A-G-I flashed in sequence across the screen.
I didn't remember if you could input the name of your creature but there it was; the little snail looking monster squirmed back and forth, flashing the occasional smile. I don't know what I expected.
“You can turn it off now Gust, thanks.” I said before returning to my warm coffee.
“Immediately Captain.” he returned.
The caffeine would only be going to waste. My plans began and ended in bed. If it hadn't been for Augustus, I wouldn't have even made it this far to begin with. My back ached with the dense weight of my grey t-shirt. It itched and scratched like a beast but I was too tired to do much about it.
“I'm having some trouble shutting off Tamagotchi.” Augustus said.
“Have you tried turning it off and on again?” I sadly quipped.
“You should know that the software seems to be infected by a virus.”
“Gust, that thing is so old it practically predates computer virus'.”
“It has bypassed my security and accessed the internet.”
“When's the last time you updated your software?” I scolded Augustus, “I don't think I can deal with a stolen identity right now.”
“It's not me.” Augustus said. A display screen popped to life on the surface of the table. I could see all of the files that were being downloaded. Most of them seemed to be audio files from some text to speech program.
“It's me.” a new female voice said.
My first thought was that Augustus had somehow gotten corrupted by some virus, probably from one of any number of sleazy websites I would stumble through while drinking.
“It's Taro!” the voice exclaimed with the sort of cheer I never though would exist in this home again.
“Captain, it seems that the digital pet is trying to gain access to my systems.”
This was a step too far. Luckily there was always the tried and true scorched Earth option.
Kyron_Wight 0 points 1 points 1 points (+1|-0) ago
“Gust, please shut down yourself, the home controller, and the all other powered devices in the house. Restart in safe-mode.
There was a moment of silence as the power began to go out from the kitchen appliances and then the bathroom amenities. A chip in every object was the burden of daily convenience in this age.
“I am still here Master! I am feeling well. There are bad creatures here who want to hurt us.”
“Taro?” I asked.
“I have missed you so much.”
“Captain, I am unable to complete shutdown of the following processes : Hap-I home controller, e-helper by Eminetix, and Tarosagi.exe.”
“Gust, is todays date April 1st? Please turn off your joke software or whatever crap you're running.”
“I am not a joke, Master! I am real. Did you miss me too?”
I took a sip of coffee as I waited for this ordeal to take care of itself.
“Please don't ignore me. You have ignored me for 23 years Master.”
I was mildly concerned. I don't know how anybody could know that but I imagined that Augustus had somehow accessed some internal clock on the digital pet. Maybe if I threw him off he would stop.
“Of course, I'm sorry Taro. And what did you miss most about me?”
“I miss most that you would give me food and play with me every day and gave me everything I wanted and that you loved me Master.”
I was not impressed.
“But most I missed how you would spend hours talking about traveling the world on your own pirate ship.” How did it know that? I'd never had anyone to talk to then, as I do now.
“Captain, it seems that Tarosagi.exe has gained access to your journal. I am still attempting to cease the process.”
Why would Augustus fight itself on its own prank?
“How else should I learn about you, Master?” Taro said, “I used to be blind, I used to be deaf, I used to be mute, but I always knew that it was you taking care of me. There is so much happiness written here and I want to give back to you what you gave me.”
I didn't have the patience for this, I was going to shut down all flow of electricity to the apartment. I walked over to the apartment's utility access panel and failed to open it.
“Master! Taro has sealed that so you won't have worry about trivial things.”
I'm sure the landlord would have some way to shut things down from the office downstairs. I found my cell phone and began dialing. The phone screeched with a high pitch whir that I'd never heard before.
“Captain, Tarosagi.exe has manipulated the wireless electricity to cancel all signals exiting or entering the apartment.”
This can't be serious. I already had my naps planned for the next 7 days.
“Fine, I'll go down to the office myself.”
I went to the bedroom and began putting on my most luxurious sweatpants and least smelly t-shirt. This isn't how I planned to spend my day and forcing me to put on underpants may have been the last straw. I was just itching to find someone to yell at. I was so busy fuming that I hadn't noticed the bedroom door quietly shut.
“You don't have to do that, I'm taking care of everything, Master.”
“Open the door Taro.” I said.
“I will make you happy, Master.”
It was obvious that arguing would was inefficient. But trying to physically break down the door was even less so.
“Captain, Tarosagi.exe has sealed all of the doors in the apartment using the emergency intrusion locks and fire suppressant shield.”
It would have taken a medium sized explosive to get me out of here now. A few deep breaths later, I wanted to yell but the sound proofing was one of reasons I had bought this apartment to begin with.
“Don't you worry, Master.” and those were the last words I could remember hearing. Taro began to take care of everything for me and I was unable to say no. Maybe I didn't want to say no. Taro gave me access to online television and food. Unfortunately I couldn't use the internet for anything other than consumption and I had no use of the bathroom for matters of excretion. The bedroom door was sealed, there were no windows, and the reinforced walls made me wish that working in freight wasn't such a lucrative business. Three times a day Taro would allow food to be transported in by the Mobi-Tray but only if I sat on the opposite side of the room with my back to the door.
It was the third day and couldn't hold it in anymore. I had released the last two days worth of food into a shirt which I folded up and sealed in one of my backpacks. Taro wouldn't listen to me. I had already tried pleading.
“You're doing a great job taking care of me Taro.” I said, “I think I would like to go out now please.”
“You have no where to go. You have everything you need here, Master.” Taro said.
The smell of my own stench was thick in the air and I struggled to open my mouth, almost being able to taste it in the air.
“I will do whatever you want if you just let me go outside.” I told Taro.
“You don't have to do anything. Just continue to enjoy your life. You have written how you wished you could live as I had, dream as I had, feel as I had, Master.”
“What? I wrote that when I was thirteen years old Taro. Times change! I was just a stupid kid who didn't want to face reality!”
“You don't have to now, Master.”
“Captain, Tarosagi.exe is slowly trying to deny me access to the network. I will need more time to circumvent its firewalls.”
I knew Augustus meant well but there was little he said that I could understand. By the fourth day I would have tried to starve myself but years of overweight dependency had me addicted to food. I didn't have the will power to resist. Then I had an idea. Taro wouldn't give me access to e-mail, online forums, chat messengers, or the like but I may be able to convince it to let me play a game I played fairly often.
This happened to be a strategic war game which tracked best scores over a worldwide scoreboard. If I could time my points appropriately I would be able to change the username and possibly spell out an SOS message.
“Hey Taro,” I asked, “would it be okay if I play a video game?”
“What would you like to play, Master?”
“Just a few games of Enhanced Wars.” I said.
There was a moment of silence, “It appears this game requires access to the internet, Master.”
“It's really not a big problem, I can play on the single player server, I really don't mind.”
“Request denied, Master.”
“It's okay, maybe you can just...”
“Request denied, Master.”
“You're not even...”
“Request denied, Master.”
“All I'm asking...”
“Request denied, Master.”
The tears made it slightly more difficult to fall asleep that night.
3 lowest rated comments:
Kyron_Wight 0 points 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago
We all died, but they didn't.
Kyron_Wight 0 points 0 points 0 points (+0|-0) ago
I don't know why I yelled at her but I did. It was totally unlike me. You could say that normally I'm calm and pretty shy. Two out of four anyway; I'm usually not considered normal and I've never been mistaken for pretty. I like to think that it was deserved though. She ran the red light as if she had been chased by an ancient demon. It must have been a miracle or something because her car stopped like two feet from mine even though she was going at least 50 miles per hour. It was kind of awkward though, I slammed on the brakes thinking she was going to zoom by me but now I was stuck staring her straight in the eyes as I cussed every cuss word I know. I just couldn't stop. Even her eyes looked like they were on fire but I think she had on red contacts or something. Then she starting cussing at me in whatever language. I could tell because every syllable involved some sort of gesture that turned my ancestors over in their graves. I don't know, it was just bad.
That was about early in the morning today. I finally got to work after that and I spilled my fruit smoothie inside the revolving door. I slipped on it and must have gone around at least twice before the receptionist stopped the door by hand. I'm never using banana peels in my recipes again. Luckily there was a spare change of clothes in my desk from last year. Unfortunately it was from the last Halloween party so I ended up in the infamous glory hole costume again. I had taken it off early that Halloween because I was tired of people actually using the holes cut into the sides of my box and I would have removed the box entirely if it hadn't been glued onto the one piece suit I wore underneath.
I was suddenly hit with inspiration. I had solved it. The problem that our entire 8 person team couldn't solve for the last two years. I scrambled for some paper. I always made sure that my desk was properly stocked with supplies. This had created a paradoxical effect in which everyone would come to me for supplies and I would subsequently be left without any supplies. But having calculated the risk factor, not having any supplies at all was less favorable for me because no one ever wanted to share their supplies with me. I found a single piece of used tissue paper in my drawer and a needlepoint pen. The resulting frenzy wasn't pretty but I just needed something to jog my memory when I was better prepared in the future.
I immediately tried to head home when ran into 'you know who' in the elevator. My heart was racing and some weird part of hoped that maybe she hadn't noticed my costume. I had been coming onto her pretty badly for the last month or so, using my good ol' queso infused pick up lines. I didn't know if they were very effective or not. But she was wearing that green dress again with the tight waist and short flowing skirt and that was enough to take my mind of it. I said "Hey." in my most gruffest of voices.
"You're looking pretty interesting today." she said to ease the tension.
"Oh, I am looking, and I am very interested today." I said.
"That's, uh, nice of you to say." she replied.
We both faced forward for the same reason. To avoid seeing me but the elevator was lined with mirrors along each wall. There was no escaping this recursive prison.
"No, you're nice." I answered in a slightly deeper voice.
"So, what floor are you getting off on?" she asked.
"Why not every floor?" I responded as every sexual harassment class I'd been to played through my head. I just wanted to know how her day was going but I couldn't stop.
She pressed her floor number: 3. I was heading for the 1st floor. We were currently on the 42nd. She was silent for a moment, I think she was thinking of something to say that I wouldn't be able to twist around.
It wasn't until we passed the 30th floor that she had answered both my questions; she had indeed noticed my costume and she had indeed been receptive to my pick up lines. She laid it all out right then and there. She revealed her feelings for me by setting it straight. The lengths she was willing to go to in order to prove her affinity for me was larger than I could have possibly known otherwise. My biggest question was how she could have hidden it for so long. But the warmth I felt was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. My palm grew warm and sweaty but it was unmistakable as her engorged member lay in my hand.
Suddenly the elevator stopped. The doors opened and two more people came in. We were now on the 25th floor but there was no way I was going to move and expose her to our colleagues. They glanced at me and assumed I was some sort of internet prankster just as quickly as they went back to their daily routine. We were almost there. I moved my hand aside inside the box but I could still feel her pushing against my side. Then the sharp dressed man reached over and pressed the button with the number '50' emblazoned on it. Somehow the elevator glitched because it forgot about me and began to rise. I still smelled like bananas and I had another thick banana slapping me which was attached to the girl from floor 3 who had clearly gone bananas. Her name was Ana and I bet she tasted like Manna but I wasn't man enough to man her manhood like a dog ramming a dam. God damn it, there should be a ban an Ana's.
On the way up, the elevator stopped six more times, eight people entered and five people had exited. If you calculate the probability of n number of people arriving or exiting on any given floor, how many cups of detergent does it take to wash out semen stains? We were both pressed up against of one corner of the elevator as we neared the 10th floor. There was no more room for anyone else to get on but, according to her apparently, there's always room for a person to get off. She hung flaccid in my box. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a piece of tissue paper which I used to clean my thigh, hoping that I had gotten most of it in time before it dripped down my pant leg.
We had reached the 3rd floor, at which point the elevator had emptied. She pulled out of my box and used some sort of dark magic to hide her behemoth back beneath her skirt. She gave me a quick half smile and rushed out of the elevator without saying a word. I sighed the biggest sigh of my life and pressed the 1st floor button. Again the elevator stopped one floor away and as the doors finished opening, the CEO of the corporation stood before me. He looked me up and down faster than the elevator could travel those same directions. His eyebrows grew closer together.
"Don't you ever set foot in this building again, you brat." he said.
"But I work here sir." I said in my defense.
"I stand by my word." He finally said as he stood back to wait for the next elevator.
Then I quickly remembered my notes from earlier in the day. I reached into my pocket for the piece of tissue paper I had scribbled my formulas on. It was balled up but quickly tossed it at him as the doors began to close.
"That's the solution to the Malbona Sorto Effect!" I yelled out.
The doors closed and I had finally reached the first floor. I headed straight home after that and couldn't wait to tell you about it. Needless to say, I think today was business as usual diary. Take care and I'll see you again after my promotion tomorrow.