[–] iammeandyouareme [S] ago
It was fun explaining fat logic to my friend. She had looked at me and said "Why the hell would she not go switch out her skates? Why is she blaming the skates for her inability to stay upright?" and I said "Simple. Fat logic. Better to blame the equipment rather than take responsibility for the fact that her weight is causing her ankle to bend sideways in the skates. We did our part, she can go fail now."
The funny thing is there is a girl I know who is just like this, except she's skinny. But she blames her inability to skate well on everything but her lack of practice. She lives in such a state of delusion that she simply cannot be a bad skater. She can barely jump (she's been skating about as long as me, mind you), and cannot do crossovers because her skates aren't right (she barely can do a forward edge). It's almost comical to watch and listen to, but then it gets obnoxious because she asks everyone else if it's her skates. She's convinced I beat her in competition because I used "skating music" (a song from Ice Castles) for my program, not because I'm a better skater. On paper she and I are the same level. On ice is a completely different story.
[–] iammeandyouareme [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Guarantee you it went to Chik Fil A afterwards because it burned so many calories.
[–] ForgotMyName 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I'm not sure how many people are missing your kerrigan/harding reference with respect to broken legs, but I appreciated it.
[–] iammeandyouareme [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Yaaasss! Thank you! :D
It was partially unintentional at first, I was just trying to come up with a skating related name that people would recognize and would sound right, and then it just so happened to work so nicely. Other options could have included Fatha Cowen, Tonya Larding, Moochelle Kwan....
[–] ElectricPurple 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I had a ham in my ice skating activity class skate fast and instead of breaking normally, fucking SLAMMED into the wall to stop herself. Scared the shit out of us every time.
[–] iammeandyouareme [S] ago
I HATE when people do that!!!! We learn to crawl before we walk, so why not skate slowly until you get the freaking hang of stopping??
[–] VegetarianZombie1 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Seriously, when I first started, I'd glide at a moderate speed to the wall to stop (never took actual lessons, unfortunately, but I did have a friend who taught me a few things).
Honestly, tricks aside, just skating isn't all that difficult. It's just balance and not going too fast before you're ready. As long as you're not fat, it shouldn't be that difficult.
[–] DEA_sockpuppet 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Fatty Kerrigan never went to switch out her skates, rather, she continued to wear the broken ones that could have lead to a broken ankle
The lesson of this story is never try to help them.
[–] iammeandyouareme [S] ago
In general it makes me cringe to see people wearing a skate that could lead to injury. I'm actually doing it for the sake of the ice rink rather than the actual person. Saving my friends that work there the possibility of having to help the fat off the ice in the case of a break and have to call an ambulance and such.
If fatty wants to continue skating on shit skates, that's their choice.
[–] idontgetbacon ago
Use to live in Phili. First thing you did when you learned how to skate properly was buy a decent pair of skates off your friends/parent's friends. We had a little lake right by my school and on snow days would run home to get our skates and go out for a few hours.
I miss the ice. :(
[–] iammeandyouareme [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
My very first true pair that didn't have plastic heels were $50 used skates from another skater at the rink. My mom wanted to make sure that I was going to stick with it before investing a lot into skates.
Then when I started jumping I think maybe 2 years later (?) my coach went to my mom and said "She needs new skates" and my mom said "How do you tell?" and coach proceeded to take one side of the ankle on my boot and easily bend it all the way down to the blade.
Even some of the regulars I see at the rink will skate in the rentals for MONTHS. It's only when they finally get their own skates that they really see improvement. It's not a cheap hobby, but it's definitely better to invest in the equipment because those rentals are just terrible.
[–] idontgetbacon ago
We lived in a small little neighborhood where everyone knew everyone. Clothes, skates, goalie pads... Everything was traded around the neighborhood.
[–] Literallyretarded 0 points 11 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago (edited ago)
"Dear tubblr
I am a semi-pro ice skating mermaid. The other day I went to the local rink with my friend. As I was gliding gracefully on the ice some shitlord approached. Of course she was obviously jealous of my beautiful cuuuurves, not to mention her friend couldn't keep his eyes off of me. She had the nerve to tell me that my skates needed to be switched. I rolled my eyes at this amateur. Obviously she didn't know anything about skating. I continued to do a routine worthy of Olympic gold while she slid and fell over and over again. Her date kept ogling me. She kept complaining about being cold. Of course. She was an underweight twig who could only dream of having a mermaid body such as mine. After my vigorous workout (that I do 6 days a week) I glided up to her like an angel and said "Looks like my skates are fine, shitlord". Everyone cheered and high fived me. Her date handed me his number and said he was ready to get with a real woman and we could go out that weekend, he was going to dump her ass at an ED clinic to address her anorexia. Another win for the fat girl! "
[–] Mexican_jumping_bean 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I always enjoy these satirical tubblr posts
[–] iammeandyouareme [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Me, too. This one probably nails it on the head, too.
To be fair, the rink was quite cold today. But I also have Raynaud's so my toes and hands get cold no matter how much I bundle up. But some rainy nights get the rink extra chilly in the morning.
[–] Svoodie 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
You forgot the part where everyone started applauding.