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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 62 points (+62|-0) ago 

This is my first go at this. Be nice.

Dear Tumblr,

I went to Burger King today. I rarely go there because I normally eat so healthily. But I was having a good day; I just done a PR 10km in 15mins followed by a new PR of 350kg squat x 5. I was feeling pretty good about myself because I barely even broke a sweat while I watch all these skinny anorexics pound away on the treadmills looking like hell. There was probably a malnourishment thing going on there too. Some super ripped guy even gave me his number ... well, begged me to take it is probably more accurate. I tried to hold him back, but he was relentless in insisting I have it. He said "he couldn't bare not to get to know me" and that he "was hypnotised by my curves." Pretty standard stuff, right? But moving on.

So, I was at Burger King and there they were, the scum that would proceed to try to ruin my day. I was minding my own business taking in the strange scenery that is Burger King, because as I say, I almost never go there. Both of us happened to order at the same time and that's where it started. I got two sandwiches, large fries, and large drink, which might be a lot to some people, but I needed to replenish my sugars after my workout. I never eat this much, but it was a special occasion. As coincidence would have it, this skinny moron happened to order the exact same thing. I pointed this out to them because I've been saying for years that I don't eat any more than skinny people, I'm just bigger because that's the way some of us are built.

Then, out of nowhere, they unleash on me a barrage of typical fatphobic abuse for absolutely no reason. I was told that I must eat like this every meal, every day and that my food somehow was more than theirs even though we ordered EXACTLY the same thing. So much was their disdain at another human being that they barely even looked up from their phone. Rude much? I didn't push the issue because I'm the bigger person (tee hee). No doubt it was all just petty jealously, which I'm sure about because they went on to make up all this crap about how half of it wasn't even for them or some shit. I mean, how insecure about food and obsessed with weight must you be that you can't even own up to eating what someone bigger does? Total BS, obviously. Definitely eating disorder, like all of them.

However, the day wasn't over. I said I dropped the issue, and I did, but everyone overheard. The looks on their faces starring at this shitlord were of disgust, as I would expect. The whole place was silent and I saw the fear spread across their face as they realised they had shortsightedly backed themselves into a corner. Everyone started pointing out that they should apologise for being so unnecessarily rude for NO REASON. Needless to say, being the coward that they were, they ran out leaving their food behind they were so ashamed. This was followed by cheers from everyone in the restaurant at being rid of such dirt. When everyone calmed down, the manager took me aside and said my meal was free and that the shitlord was banned forever. They wanted to call the local representatives for my bravery to be acknowledged, but I declined. I mostly feel sorry for them and I don't need accolades.

Anyway, that's the story of how a would be bully got their just desserts. And I might have had a dessert too (tee hee).

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[–] AnoInc [S] 0 points 18 points (+18|-0) ago 

And that managers name? Albert Einstein. Very good prose.

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[–] ShaddamCorrino 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

This is great, but I don't think it'd fly. It's way too coherently written for a hambeast. I truly enjoyed it, while with typical tubblrina posts I have to force myself to read more than 4 sentences.

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[–] AnoInc [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I'm really hoping some one spins the yarn in the same epic-tale style I used.

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[–] Mitchhhhhh 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

The part where the entire restaurant started clapping was missing, besides that good attempt!

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[–] delusions 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Wow, this was fantastic! I was actually growing more angry as I read along lol, great job

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[–] KJkrunch 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I see your request for a spin from the fat's perspective, OP. I'll give it a whirl. I'm probably gonna make it tl;dr though as it's my first fatfiction.

Dear Tumblr,

Today was just the worst day ever! Had to waffle stomp before I could even head out the door today and what's worse mom wasn't around to cook me any breakfast! I didn't want starvation mode to kick in. :( Had to think of something fast...there's a Burger King about 5 minutes away, so naturally I ran to my car and drove over, desperate for a meal. I've had so many starvation mode incidents in the past I happen to be 400 pounds, I gotta eat on time if I want this to go away!

Just my luck, the drive thru happened to be out of order that day, but I managed to get inside the establishment.

There was the most horrible shitlord in front of me in the line though. I thought he looked kind of cute and he even held his gaze at me for more than 2 seconds, he was probably interested in me, but society's standards said it would be taboo. I noticed the shitlord had ordered two burgers with a large soda and fries, incredible! We were a perfect match, destined to meet here, it's why the drive thru was out of order I'm sure!!! I quickly made the exact same order as him but since I had missed breakfast, added some bacon and cheese to my burgers, now.

Feeling a bit more stunning and brave, I approach the skinny man and explain my condishuns, hoping he'd understand and we could find some common ground.

But just then my heart sunk (and my bowels) as the shitlord contested that we didn't order the same thing. The fucking nerve of that asshole!! He mentioned having a sick wife. Well maybe she wouldn't be so sick if she wasn't an anorexic slut and throwing up every meal, Jesus! He proceeded to shut me down but just then my meal was rung up and ready. I desperately dashed to my food and clutched it close, just as I was about to gallantly stride out the door and bravely told him off. I'm sure someone applauded.

It's been an hour since then and I've been triggered into staying in my room. I'm hungry again but afraid to go outside, I cannot stand these awful shitlords. :(

Please donate to my tip jar so I can order a pizza. Much luv, XXOOXXOO

This was disgusting to write, I'm going to shower

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[–] AnoInc [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Thank you. Quite well done. For a second I thought I was reading an actual tumblr post. Be sure to poo BEFORE getting in the shower. Don't want to ruin the plumbing.

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[–] KJkrunch 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Well as long as you're happy with it then so am I.

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[–] legendaryshitlord 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Ham's version.

REEEE *squeal *snort REEEEE REEEEEE!

tl:dr REEEEEEE!!

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[–] meunster 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

Ham edition.

Just a friendly reminder to my fellow friends, fatshionistas, and tumblrites:

Fatshaming knows no bounds. Ignorance and hypocrisy can find you anywhere…even in a burger king (my personal safe space).

As many of you know, today I went to go get my blood work done to prove that you can definitely be healthy even if you’re 150lbs overweight (proof below!). The doctor told me not to eat before the test and I was running late, so I skipped lunch and just had two glasses of orange juice before squeezing out the door to make it in time.

By late afternoon I was obviously starving and udderly stressed from the doctor bringing up my weight, so I decided to stop at my favorite burger king. And let me tell you, this place is nice. I usually feel so calm in the yellow fluorescent glow…like I’m on the beach wearing my #fatkini, listening to the waves and the sound of a nearby ice cream cart. But today was different. Today there was a skinny person in My Burger King.

I tried to be nice and to give him a chance, I really did. Usually I think skinnies looked like poor, starved animals, but this one was starved in a way that almost made me forget his thin privilege and feel bad for someone other than myself. When I heard him order the same exact meal as me, I reached out. I was so excited that we could eat the same exact thing and look so different. Plus it was like…blood work proof and proof of my super slow metabolism, all in one day. Anyway, he bit the hand that was trying to feed him right off. The misogynistic, “fitness” obsessed twat told me that we couldn’t eat the same thing because I put cheese and bacon on my sandwiches!! I didn’t even bother trying to tell him about the orange juiced lunch, because he was busy SCREAMING that he wasn’t going to eat all this food by himself. At this point my blood sugar was so low that everything was buzzing around me. I’m pretty sure he said something about being sick and eating a lot and throwing it up. Tbh I can’t feel bad for him even if he does puke after eating because 1. thin privilege overshadows all and 2. wasting BK is just fucking unethical.

I couldn’t even enjoy every last bite of my sandwiches and fries and drink. Or the refill of my drink. The fries were extra salty though from my tears... so there’s the one single good thing a skinny person has done for me.

p.s. does anyone know how I can contact my local news about this??

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[–] neveragainfatty 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

so I skipped lunch and just had two glasses of orange juice before squeezing out the door to make it in time.

What a beautiful sentence. Orange juice: cause sugar water with vitamin C is healthy at that level... Straight up fucking up any blood glucose test done. The fiber in the fruit is SUPER important for controlling how quickly your body releases insulin.

Squeezing out the door :) It obviously meant it was squeezing the fresh oranges for juice while it was comfortably exiting out of the HAES approved doors it had to install on its butter golem cave.

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[–] gaylord1111 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Laughing at the fact that it thought normal people order two burgers, large fries AND a large drink. The most I've ever ordered from a fast food places is two full sized burgers...and that's it. I'd be sick if I ate more than that (from a fast food place, considering the calorie/fat bomb the meals are).

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[–] AnoInc [S] 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

"Never underestimate the power of denial."

-American Beauty

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[–] Ben77 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

HG: you didn't have to be an asshole about it.

Actually we do. Not being an asshole about it is what has lead to the USA and UK being overrun with entitled fatties. More assholery is desperately needed.

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[–] Shemadethis ago 

You are a hero to many

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[–] neveragainfatty ago  (edited ago)

I love this. Was almost in a similar scenario but I just laughed at it when it tried to hit on me.

Except I was feeding myself, my wife, and my toddler. We just get 3 happy meals cause toys and it actually contains a reasonable caloric amount for an adult meal! They usually last my toddler 2 meals.

Now I feel like a bad parent after reading what I have written. Even though I was driving my family of four 3000 miles across country in a tiny car with no room for all the Ham and Cheese sandwiches my wife had prepped for us. However, giving those to Grandma Ham and having her talk about how enough sandwiches for 3 (Infant eats mom) people for 5 days of driving lasted her 2 days was quite funny. She wonders why I tell her that she is flabby and fat. So delusional. Also she overcooks and forces grandpa (Who literally can not make a decision for himself due to the syphilis) to eat as much, if not more, than her. Also who the heck eats cookies, cake, and candies for breakfast everyday?

If you are ever in this situation throw together some homemade trail mix. It keeps for quite a while. Can be stashed anywhere there is room and is a smash hit for toddlers. Probably saved us from stopping for beetusmeals at least once a day.

I fucking hate fat people. On the way here I stopped to see my mother. She must have put on 90lbs since the last time I saw her 4 years ago, because she is doing Keto and has 'lost' 40lbs but looks like she is up 50... My stepdad is also a lot bigger around the midsection and now has flabby man tits. It's saddening to watch people you are related to kill themselves and their brains with the typical American diet of eating out/cooking horribly excessive meals.

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[–] ScottRockview ago 

Olympic level swimmers probably need to eat a meal like this for the amount of calories they burn in a day, but that is the one thing the fats never acknowledge, thin people burn off at least as many calories as they take in, some how that is just too hard to get into a fat's head, probably because an idea can't enter through their mouths.