[–] [deleted] ago
[–] Pantsuit 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Who's the clown who was tasked with putting together these "swag" bags? 90% of this list is awful, I would be going through my bag and dumping shit directly on the floor so I wouldn't be taxed on it.
Antiperspirant: $5.49
Useless, I can buy my own antiperspirant anywhere.
Lip gloss: $36
Useless to me as a man.
Lollipops: $68
This six-pack of herbal tea-based lollipops from Dosha Pops incorporates 24 karat edible gold leaf.
$10 a piece "herbal tea-based" lollipops with 24 karat gold leaf? That is the most pretentious bullshit ever, I'd throw those out just to make a point.
Travel pillow: $69
Useless, if I wanted/needed one I would have bought one.
Ambrosia Apples: $75
This new variety of apple is known for its low acid content and sweet flavor.
$75 apples? Are you fucking kidding me? I'd dump those out immediately. I guarantee you the difference in taste between this and any other fucking apple is not worth the extra taxes it would bring with it.
Condiments: $280
Rouge Maple is providing an assortment of organic maple syrup, salad dressings, jellies and mustard, as well as an apron to keep all that sticky stuff off those gowns and tuxedos.
Dumped out immediately. If I'm rich enough to go to the Oscars, I'm rich enough to buy my own condiments. The included apron and its justification for being included is just utterly retarded. It's like they're implying that their attendees are going to be sucking maple syrup and salad dressings down while still in their seats.
Accessories: $300
Female nominees will receive a trio of bracelets from Jan Lewis Designs, and the men will receive silk ties.
Silk ties? That's the first thing on this list that is even mildly appealing.
Personal Training: $900
Again, anyone rich enough to attend the Oscars is going to already have their own personal trainer or doesn't need one in the first place. Useless.
Skincare: $1,200
Gift bag recipients can stay forever young with a host of products from Wellness 360, including a hair stimulant and skin serum.
Ugh, spare me. Half of these are bound to be some useless, homeopathic snake-oil that use some vaguely-scientific words to describe how they are rejuvenating your skin/hair. No way I'm paying tax on that.
Liposuction Wearable: $4,068
The stars can avoid going under the knife with a non-invasive liposuction wearable device from Ventura Lipo-Light.
What the fuck? Again I have to say that anyone with the money to attend is going to have the money to either eat right and exercise, or spring for liposuction from an actual doctor. The inclusion of a device so useless to everyone but the morbidly obese is just ridiculous.
Home spa system: $5,060
Steamist is providing a home spa system that delivers the ultimate steam bathing experience.
That is actually appealing to me, free home spa? Hell yes.
Italian luxury hotel package: $11,500 The Nominees and host can enjoy a three-night stay at the Grand Hotel Excelsior Vittoria, the Villa Armena in Tuscany and the Grand Hotel Tremezzo in Lake Como. Maybe George Clooney will have them over for cocktails.
Not that shabby, but I have to plan a trip to Italy and pay for my own airfare to even get to use this. For all the other retarded shit they purchased, they could have included all travel expenses in this package.
Glamping: $12,500
This luxury camping trip from TerraVelo Tours includes surfing, hot air balloon rides and horseback riding.
Meh.
Lifestyle makeover: $14,239
Reset Yourself is offering the recipients supplements, hair mineral analysis, a kitchen/pantry detox, expert meditation consultation and more to help them maintain a healthy lifestyle.
More expensive horseshit snake-oil that is utterly fucking useless.
Luxury rail trip: $14,594 The Oscar swag bag recipients can enjoy a luxury rail trip through the Canadian Rockies from Rocky Mountaineer.
Again, now I have to go out of my way to set up a trip for this.
Horoscope reading: $20,000
The founder of Enigma Life, Olessia Kantor, will fly out to meet each Oscar nominee and host to deliver their 2015 horoscopes. Kantor will also teach mind control techniques and conduct dream analysis.
JESUS CHRIST. Now I would have to pay taxes on $20,000 worth of income because some stupid bitch thinks that the stars have anything to say about my future? I swear whoever put this "swag" bag together has got to be getting kick-backs from all the new-age bullshit-spewing companies/people that have been included on this list. That's the only way I can see this getting approved.
[–] Pantsuit 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Thanks! I had to vent that somewhere after reading that list haha.
It's knowing this sort of shit that makes me lose my faith in humanity. There is so much work and research out there that could benefit the world but will never be funded because the money just isn't there. That money is in the pockets of retards who willingly pay 20 grand for superstitious bunk you find for free in the newspaper.
[–] Porphyrogennetos 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
Wow what a crock of shit.
a 20k Horoscope reading? How did that woman swing that x21? Jesus Christ. The nepotism is ridiculous. Anyone who believes in palm readers and psychics needs help.
I happened to catch a part of some show while flipping channels where this gay guy was channeling a dead Robin Williams to Margaret Cho. It was the most gay and pathetic thing I've ever seen. This is on television, and it made me angry.
Fuck all this channeling the dead activity. It's bullshit and it's EXTREMELY disrespectful.
[–] 4285151? 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Fuck all this channeling the dead activity. It's bullshit and it's EXTREMELY disrespectful.
But it's also hilarious when you get them to flummox themselves publicly. My favorite is pretending my Grandfathers name was Zachariah and he died of getting struck by lightning and just waiting to see how long it takes them to guess either of those.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
[–] 4280743? [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Hahahahahahaaaaahahaha, wow, the horoscope reading blinded me to this even better service.
[–] Aboresh 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
With my bullshit comparative religion degree I've often thought of heading out West and trying to become a spiritual guru to some rich morons.