[–] MinorLeakage 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
So I feel like the standard response you're going to get is "leave her because you're clearly more invested than she is". I don't entirely disagree with that line of thinking, but I think it's a little too simplistic.
My opinion is really this:
You need to figure out exactly how much you want her, regardless of her feelings for you. If you really love her, then do your best to help her find that spark again. Be prepared for the possibility she may not find it, but at least you tried, and you can move on.
If you think about it really hard, and you're really not sure how you feel, and she isn't either, then after 6 years it's definitely time to move on. I don't believe taking a step back ever works out long-term for a relationship, so I personally wouldn't even try that route. Since this would be an amicable split, she could still take a few months to save the required money to move out. But I wouldn't hold any illusions. That would be the end of the relationship.
So I guess to paraphrase, you need make up your mind about what you want, and then try and get it. Let the cards fall where they may. Don't let your relationship die a slow death.
[–] needingsomeadvice [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Thanks for the response, I appreciate it.
I've done a lot of thinking about exactly that - trying to figure out if I really do want to be with her this badly or if I'm just afraid of being alone. The conclusion I've come to is that I love her with everything I am, and I genuinely want to be with her. I don't want to be alone, but that's not why I am fighting so hard for this. I'm fighting for it because I feel that it's worth it, and that these feeling she's having are temporary.
I really feel like she's genuinely confused about what she wants, and because of that, I feel there's still a chance. If she wasn't confused, she'd be gone already. She's had lots of opportunities to do just that.
[–] MinorLeakage 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Well just make sure she knows how you feel. Keep doing your best, and I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.
[–] ooli 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Still look like a soft dump from the outside. Use your time alone to better yourself. Be your own individual, not a simple part of a couple. You have one great thing going for you, that your gf does not have: You know exactly what you want in a relationship. And you know it is not living apart from the person you love. That's great. See all this as an opportunity for YOU to be alone, get friend, spend time with them, do the stuff you enjoy alone, or with people you want to reconnect with. You're in for good times. Try not to see your gf too often, because it will only make her feel more "controlled". Let her call you. And do not wait for those calls.
Best case scenario: your own independence will seduce/convince her back. Best case scenario 2: You'll discover new hobbies, friends and you'll meet someone who'd love to live with you.
What will NEVER happen: she dump you because you're TOO distant. She made it clear It will NEVER happen. So anyway put some distance.
[–] BigFatDaddy 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
Dude, don't play games with her. You know what you want and how you plan to get it. It sounds like she doesn't. You have been very honest and forthright about everything, it sounds like she hasn't. Best thing is to force her to choose, right now, whether she wants to be with you or not. None of this conflicted feelings lets work on it stuff. If you feel that the relationship could use some rekindling, that's one thing, but her moving out and "needing some space" is a different thing altogether. That's the separation before the divorce. Don't play games dude, and don't let her play them either.
[–] needingsomeadvice [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Thanks, I appreciate the response. The logical side of me knows that you're probably right, but I mean, it's been almost 7 years. It's like just deciding not to see a family member anymore. It's a hard decision to make, especially when we both feel very conflicted. It would be a lot easier if she just didn't love me anymore.
[–] BigFatDaddy 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I get that, I really do. But here's the thing, she's "conflicted" right? She will stay that way until absolutely forced to choose. Thats just how it works. I understand it can be scary because, what if she doesn't choose you? 7 years down the drain, right? But that's STILL better than dragging it all out. That will only maximize the pain for everyone involved. Just like taking off a bandaid, it's ALWAYS better to just get it over with.
She needs to make a choice. Does she want to be with you, or be a "strong independent women" although I don't see how your supporting her and caring for her is preventing that. Either way, she's the one who has to choose, and dragging things out does no one any favors.
[–] 7im 0 points 14 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago
I was engaged to someone for about 2 1/2 years back in the day (2009) and we lived together the whole time. At one point she wanted to move out and ended up using the same examples that your gf gave you. She said stuff about wanting to be independent and since she moved straight from her parents to my house she thought she'd grow up more to have her own responsibilities. Within a month of her being moved out I found out she was cheating on me with her boss from work. She used moving out as a way to cheat on me. I was sad for a while but I am fine now and in a much healthier relationship where the spark has never gone out.
[–] chronicdiscord 1 point 17 points 18 points (+18|-1) ago
She is still sounding crazy, and you are sounding like you want her far more than she wants you. Let her go and do her thing, find another girl who isn't going to be playing with you. You'll be better for it.
[–] [deleted] 1 point 7 points 8 points (+8|-1) ago
[–] needingsomeadvice [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Isn't the point to try to beat those odds, though? 50% of marriages end in divorce anyway, but rather than just assume it's going to fail, isn't the intelligent thing to do to try and figure out what the problems are, rather than saying "Well, chalk it up to your age!" and leaving it at that?
[–] needingsomeadvice [S] 1 point 0 points 1 point (+1|-1) ago
Honestly, I wish it was that simple. It would be easy for me to cut ties and move on if that was the case, but I know that it's not.
[–] insomniabob 1 point 6 points 7 points (+7|-1) ago
It is that simple. She may not even be annoying it to herself, but that's what this is. You guys were young when you meet, and now she's feeling trapped because she's getting old, and some part of her thinks she can do better.
She's probably wrong, but there's nothing you can do about that. Do yourself the favor and garden yourself emotionally, because this relationship is as good as over.
[–] 4200743? ago
GF for 6.5 years means that you started around your 17-18.
It means that she had never had a chance to explore, to know if there are others that are better... Just let her go and let her explore. You can't keep someone into a relationship especially not at your age when you need to explore.
Loving someone also means setting them free if they ask for it.