[–] [deleted] 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago  (edited ago)

[Deleted]

0
5

[–] SurgicalShitlord 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Might retort with: "You were never funny, and you're still fucking fat."

[–] [deleted] 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

0
1

[–] FPHrefugee 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

doesn't it though? I love some sounds and words etc, like the word frazzled. The collarbone tapping is definitely going on comfort sounds.

0
5

[–] ChineseCaptcha 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

I now have visions of an experimental shitlord collar tapping orchestra.

0
2

[–] FickleFlame107 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Lol, I did the same thing. Gonna develope this nervous tick to annoy fats at Starbucks while waiting for my Americano.

0
10

[–] SoylentGreenday 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

Entertaining AND informative.

Applause

0
6

[–] Ruston [S] 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Thank you!

0
2

[–] Achtung_Shitlord 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Absolutely love this post. I wish I could upvote it more. This is the kind of stuff we need more on here: Well-written, informative and entertaining.

If you ever need pictures of examples of fatties, feel free to use anything from my albums.

0
10

[–] SoylentGreenday 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

You're welcome! :)

It amazes me the time they will spend on painting on cheekbones, collarbones, hiding their quadruple chins, etc... that shit takes hours! They can't hit the treadmill for an hour instead?

How about not eating all the cookies for starters, that takes 0 time and effort.

0
12

[–] ShitArchon 0 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago 

For context, JoeysWorldTour is a Foodie Type 2. Notice that, whenever he eats [insert random beetus crap here], he only says "mmf!", "good!' etc. He never actually describes it. It's the polar opposite of a food critic. Actual foodies are capable of using descriptive adjectives like "nutty."

0
3

[–] swohio 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Foodie Type 2

Lol.

1
12

[–] Kerchak 1 point 12 points (+13|-1) ago 

Upvoated for visibility. This is so important

0
15

[–] beetusgeuse 0 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago 

VERY distant profile photo

Also check if the the image is watermarked by NASA JPL.

0
16

[–] FatsWhatSheSaid 0 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago 

Love the collarbone tapping tip - definitely going to use that one

0
3

[–] shuzolite 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

This is one of my sort of mindless fidgeting habits. It's great for triggering fatties; I won't even realize I'm doing it, and then someone will aggressively clear their throat... And when I look up it's always a jelly ham glaring at me. Effortless triggering is the best kind.

0
3

[–] WeedLord 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Me too! Started doing it after reading this article :p much better than my usual nervous or bored moves anyway :p

0
27

[–] hams_have_diabeetus 0 points 27 points (+27|-0) ago 

Under "Has fat friends/spouse", I would recommend adding "has fat parents" for the younger crowd. Chances are if the parents are fat, that their children will be fat as well, since they probably get their eating habits from their parents

0
3

[–] Ruston [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Good point. I have added this along with fat pets.

as /u/crashtestgenius says though, some glorious shitlords come from a hamily. one thing i have noticed, many of the best shitlords at one time experienced life as a fatty. either by being fat themselves, or by having fat family.

0
10

[–] crashtestgenius 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

I've known quite a few people that decided not to follow in their parents footsteps and where pretty shitlordy due to fat parents, so that one can go both ways.

1
15

[–] Grave_Mercy 1 point 15 points (+16|-1) ago 

Just to add on, fat pets. People that think it's cute that their dog/cat is "chubby/chunky" are not good people regardless of their own health at the present time. I'd almost say fat isn't just a physical condition, but a mindset.

0
1

[–] shannibearstar 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Yep. Exactly with the fat pets thing. My cats were pretty huge when we got them, shelter rescue cats, now they look pretty normal. Maybe a little on the high side of normal, but taking weight loss too fast cant be good on their bodies.