[–] Speshul_Sn0wflake 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Ah yes, lurking fatties? You read that? Tell me again how hot, exciting, and adventurous your sex life is. Don't worry, we never believed you anyway. You seem to forget - we see you waddling at 5ks, talking selfies while sitting down at the gym, turning red from the exertion of walking up a few stairs - nobody that outta shape can possibly be good in bed, let alone adventurous. If you can't even jog in place for a few minutes without a respirator, you're certainly not having hot, exciting, passionate sex. No, instead your phoning your mother in law telling her that if she wants grandkids anytime soon, she better get the green broom and hurry over because you and Mr. Toofattofuck want to have penetrative sex for once and it's virtually impossible without backup.
Here's a rule to live by, if you know what it's like to fupa-dupe somebody, stfu when the topic of sex is brought up. Nobody wants your input and anybody that says otherwise is just trying to coddle your fat fee-fees. Everyone in the room, with the exception of yourself, knows that the most passionate part of sex for Obeasts is planning and eating the feast "sandwich" that inevitably comes after. That's about the only thing that's guaranteed to come, actually.
[–] recon_johnny 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Not as hot as it sounds.
Understatement of the year.
[–] mystic_chihuahua 1 point 2 points 3 points (+3|-1) ago
So, fatty sex is a lot like having to move a lot of heavy furniture and finding a dead cat under the piano.
A lot of effort, a risk to your spine, putrid things you don't want to touch but kinda have to, and sadness. Sounds fucken awesome! crying softly in a corner
[–] ModerateBacon 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I've known a few guys that had such low self esteem they'd resort to pig fucking. I don't understand how that's any better than just fapping.
The one guy said it would hurt his back. He was a smallfat. He said he didn't so much as lay on her but around her so his back was in a weird position. Also would not let her on top for fear of having his dick broken.
This other guy was quite thin, the sort of fellow that would whine that he couldn't gain weight. He had this pseudo girlfriend. I say pseudo because it was too fat to look like a girl, and also he would not admit it was his girlfriend even though it behaved like one. It attached to him like a parasite such that he claimed he could not get rid of it or else it might die (i.e. he was afraid it would kill itself if he left.) He said that they could only do it in one position (legs up.) Most positions were physically impossible, but any others that weren't it would not do because it was embarrassed of its body and felt too exposed.
[–] GrammarStalinist 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
he was afraid it would kill itself if he left
That's what you call a win-win scenario.
[–] Grave_Mercy 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Wow. That was so much worse than anything I could have imagined.
[–] Lynx 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago (edited ago)
Two words that should not be in the same sentence.
[–] mcbutterball 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Exceptions: "The fat people ate the food that was meant for the whole fucking office." "Let's throw all the fucking fat people off a cliff." "People who are fucking fat need to have their fucking jaws wired fucking shut."
[–] Sops ago (edited ago)
They would just live off of pepsi and ranch dressing.
[–] hulkingmanbeast 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I imagine the sound of hambeasts fucking is a lot like chewing with your mouth open.