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[–] fupatronic 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Here's what you do:

Go rent a track hoe immediately. Start digging around your house. Try to get as deep as you possibly can. You have a couple options:

  1. Build a moat with a suspension bridge over it that has a weight limit. If fatty sets foot on it, it snaps.
  2. Dig deep enough that you can construct a staircase to your front door. Minimum two flights (once in awhile a fatty can huff and puff up one, but never two).

You're just in the middle of some civil work on your property (new septic system or sewer or something). They just decided to come at a very inopportune time. And the fictional contractor who's doing the work is out of town until January. Don't do major home improvements via Groupon, amirite?

You can probably do this in three weeks.

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[–] ilovepussy 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Why would you not just refuse to host? Surely you can come up with a host of reasons.

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[–] round_isnt_curvy [S] 2 points -2 points (+0|-2) ago 

I wish. There is no reason that would be plausible or acceptable to my MIL. It would start a war.

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[–] DireParasite 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

You did it to yourself then

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[–] ShortWarrior 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Lock the doors.

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[–] Nofatpeople 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Replace all you furniture with exercise equipment. You don't want them to get comfortable on your couch, or binge watch your TV. Make sure to get rid of all food, and food like items. Do not feed them under any circumstance. Safely store all valuables at a friends and lock all doors, and cabinets.

After they leave, dispose of all used towels, and bedding. The mattress will be flattened and destroyed. You will need a plumber to de-waffle the bath tub drain. An ozone generator will help get rid of the lingering smells.

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[–] Harry_Areola 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Just rent the hotel room for them. It's easier that way. It's probably cheaper than the damage they are going to do to your home and you don't have to worry about any waffle stomping.

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[–] FuckLikeACardioBunny 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

It may not be hospitable, but seeing as you didn't invite them to stay with you don't let them touch any of your food.

Consider getting a miniature lockable fridge to keep what you need while they're there, and put a lock on cupboards containing your food.

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[–] sh1tl0rd_of_ac1d 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Fats are more difficult to disinfect your house from than bedbugs.

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[–] Demons 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Lock up/hide/put into storage ALL your perishable foods and snacks, as well as drinks. They will eat them all if you don't.

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