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[–] Sosacms 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Two concepts i use.

It is what it is. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be.

I am who i am, if i wasn't me I'd be someone else. If i want to be someone else, i should change me. If i don't want to be someone else, then I'm the me i choose to be.

If someone calls me something that is true, then that's no more insulting than looking in the mirror. If it's something I can change, then it's my fault it's true not theirs. If it's something i can't change, then i can't change it so why worry.

If what they say isn't true, than it's no more insulting than calling me a purple pregnant unicorn.

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[–] 3217196? 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I'd suggest a few options, I'd go with one which suits your personality fundamentals to make the transition easier.

1) Fuel your ego and build an arrogant but strong sense of self confidence as armour. (Do more activities and incorporate it into your sense of self. You only get hurt if you believe the criticisms are true.)

2) Let go of your ego and your attachment to your sense of self and there is nothing left for others to hit. (i.e. Meditate etc, Buddhism style.)

3) Grow a strong sense of humour and enjoy the banter. (i.e. Hang out with some Australians for a few years.)

Ultimately all solutions require you gaining more experience in the world. So maybe just start there and see where you end up. (Such a question strongly suggests to me you are young so just keep putting yourself out there and grow from the experience.)

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[–] pokeytatsu7 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

You probably have low self-esteem so you value other people's opinions more then your own. Fix what you don't like and you'll feel better and won't get so mad.

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[–] TheDude2 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Sit back and think about it. It most cases it doesn't really matter what people think. Think back of the times you got upset and how many of those people aren't no longer in your life.

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[–] SecularPenguinist 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

I used to be that way too. I'm not exactly sure what the catalyst was but at some point I came to the realization that I'm confident with who I am and the only other person that has any say whatsoever is my wife.

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[–] Acerebral 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

This is not an easy thing to deal with, but there are a few things you can do to mitigate it. Myself, I find that I tend to assign too much importance to casual comments and spend too much time trying to "read the tea leaves" to divine what a person is really thinking. Here are a few things that have helped me:

  1. Look for patterns rather than individual instances. If a person says something negative, file it away for context. If lots of people say something negative, maybe you are doing something wrong. If the same person says lots of negative things, they are probably just an asshole.
  2. Take things at face value. If somebody cancels on you, forgets to invite you to an event, or otherwise slights you in some subtle way, assume they are dense and either didn't consider that meaning or meant exactly what they said. They really did forget to invite you for no good reason, or they really to have an appointment that evening. You would be surprised how many people just say what they mean with no subtext.
  3. As a correlation to the one above, if they don't say it, they didn't think it. You can't read minds, you can't know what people are really thinking beyond what they say. If they don't explicitly say they hate you or think you are incompetent, don't fall into the trap of assigning those opinions to them.
  4. Change your axioms. This one takes work. If you are like me, you are waiting for people to figure out that you suck, that you are no good, that they really shouldn't like you. Instead (and this takes work) start with the assumption that "I am awesome." Then your thought process goes something like this: "I am awesome. He said that I didn't do such a good job on such-and-such project. But I know I'm awesome, so there are only two possibilities. Either he's an incompetent asshole, or I have some room to improve my awesomeness." (notice that neither option involves you sucking).

These are easy to write, but hard to put into action, and even harder to start believing. But it is important to focus on trying. At the beginning, just cover up the pain and smile through it like a glutton for punishment. It will get easier eventually, and given enough time, you will start to notice the self-talk you are doing to yourself that reinforces your inferiority complex. As you start to catch yourself agreeing with the negativity or even running with it, you can call bullshit on your brain and start to choose your emotional responses.

This is a hard one to deal with, and you will experience setbacks, but you are capable of overcoming this and improving your outlook on life. I wish you the best of luck, and know that you have the unconditional support of at least one stranger who believes in you.

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[–] physicscat 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

  1. Stop caring what other people think. People are idiots. Insecure idiots.

  2. Remember that all over the world there are people struggling with malnutrition, lack of clean water, war, torture...etc. perspective can do wonders.

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[–] NeedMoarGuitars 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Practice learning to care less about other people's opinions, especially when they are negative. People who put you down feel bad about themselves and need to knock someone down to feel a tiny bit better. Don't give them the power.

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