[–] BatmansTesticles 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I was a lazy kid. My grandma would always say my motto should be, "Why run when you can walk? Why walk when you can stand? Why stand when you can sit? Why sit when you can lie down? And why lie down and not go to sleep?"
She said it to try and shame me, but it amused the hell out of me so I adopted it as my official motto.
[–] MartinTimothy 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
"Damp Jews!"
>Grandmother was a Jew and when 80 yo Winston Churchill abdicated as British PM April 4, 1955, allegedly after arriving in the House of Commons so drunk he sh*t his pants, so at age four were the upper echelons of Brit politics in the news.
>Every time one was mentioned WC no less than numerous other British dignitaries, she would decry each in their turn thusly as "Damp Jews!"
>I found out yrs later, and well after having renounced the Jewish faith which I had briefly adopted similarly at Grandmother's discretion, that Damp Jews were Jews who had similarly publicly in any case, renounced Judah and had been baptized as Christians.
[–] SovereignSnake ago (edited ago)
Grandpa:
Poor people have lots of dogs.
Work smart, not hard.
Grandma:
I'll bet you a nickel... [insert bet]
Don't ever mention Ronald Reagan's name in my presence again.
Don't let him/her jew you on the price.