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[–] Agitprop 0 points 20 points (+20|-0) ago 

No shit, he didn't stuff himself in a suitcase. I suspect foul play as well.

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[–] torky 0 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago 

Well there was that MI5 agent who was found stuffed inside a suitcase in a bathtub and the metro police ruled it as suicide. I doubt it was

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[–] Agitprop 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

No that was "unnatural and likely to have been criminally mediated." Let's not point fingers /s.

Holy shit that was a weird article. Also, I'm going to try and lock myself into a bag next chance I get.

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[–] Argumentative ago 

Aww i came here to post this lol beat me to it, well done xD

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[–] MedicalMountainGoat 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

First he chopped himself up though. Don't forget.

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[–] Paranoidroid [S] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

This is why police detectives get paid the big bucks. In other news, the SFPD nabbed some people sneaking into a concert last weekend.

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[–] spacedanspliff 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

they must all be Mensa members with that sterling intellect!

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[–] PM_NICE_BREASTS 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I was going to reassemble him later....

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[–] miistahmojo 0 points 51 points (+51|-0) ago 

I think it's safe to say that this suitcase...

•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

...just became a murder case.

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[–] coldacid 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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[–] bisaya 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Alright, alright! Here's your up-vote you wise-ass!

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[–] Donbuster 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

"Suspect" murder...
Yes, in the same way that one might suspect the dog if a trashcan is knocked over whilst no one is home, and various bits are chewed on....

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[–] Paranoidroid [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

"By jove, Holmes! How did you know?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson!"

[–] [deleted] 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago  (edited ago)

[Deleted]

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[–] leweb 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

It's a case of suicide by Rube Goldberg machine.

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[–] Paranoidroid [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago  (edited ago)

The poor guy could still be alive if they'd just not opened the suitcase.

Oh no, that's the cat one.

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[–] 0iamlordeyayaya0 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Wait, is this The Onion or not?

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[–] 1747190? 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

I thought the same thing at first...

But Onion articles are not as poorly written as this one.

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[–] Paranoidroid [S] 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Not even. I saw a click-batey link on twitter for the TV station that posted this story. It was supposed to be a bizarre update to the story, but the only thing that's bizarre is that the SFPD took so many months to determine the victim was murdered.

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[–] curtygriff 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

I don't know... I think it could be suicide.

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