0
0

[–] blumen4alles [S] ago 

I thought about adding don't take it personally and you are not to blame to my reply. It isn't your fault, you were just being friendly. It is a pretty crazy coincidence though to have something happen with my dinner, and my thoughts before it. It isn't your fault even, unless you intended to mess with my meal, which I seriously doubt. If you did, then well played, witch :)

It happens to me with talking too! I hate talking about myself and I never tell people my plans. I only tell people about something I did after I did it.

During my mystical experience I learned the basis of all energy is sexual energy. I appreciate learning about it! There is a dark side of course, which is why Crowley was into the sex magick and sodomy.

It doesn't help that I watched a movie recently about a musician with schizophrenia I Met a Girl 2020 - these things remind me of when I was like that. I don't know how exactly this place works, but I have some ideas, and I just knew when I gave out information like that something was going to happen. And it did! So let us call that a scientific experiment, OK? You know what this means right? People with schizophrenia probably have a better sense of the truth. That is how I feel anyway. There is a reason why tribes took care of their schizophrenic shamans, because they could see the world in a way to help the people that could not.

Again, I just broke my own rule, it is not your fault. I feel like the universe is playing with me anyway with these things. Else I would get bored. Pretty crazy though. I am glad I can talk about these things with you, I don't have anyone else to share these things with.

Glad to hear your daughters results came back normal. I remember kids in school wearing eye patches, and they didn't seem to need them forever. Have they give you any time frames how long it will take for her vision to be corrected? If that was my child I'd be super tempted to micro-dose them with psilocybin, it helps the brain make new pathways.

I don't think you are talking about anything for attention. Glad we can share these things. Gonna go do some chores, maybe write later.

How about that timing of RBG's death announcement, yesterday was the first day of Rosh Hashanah. The Autumnal equinox is in three days.

0
0

[–] friendsend ago 

I’ve been watching a channel on YouTube called Living Well With Schizophrenia. The girl that runs the channel, who is schizophrenic, will never reach peak spiritual states or altered states of consciousness to the point where she becomes hyper aware of reality. And that’s the problem. She will be medicated, she will be expected to act like everyone else. She will not be allowed to live in her hallucinations, she will not be able to act out the dramas in her mind until she finds herself and comes out of it with new knowledge for herself and all those she loves. She will never. Most don’t. My daughter’s father was the only reason I made it out. We were hanging out, being hella schizo, living out the insanity in our heads, and I became ok. I wish for a truly human experience - and I don’t think I ever truly have experienced that. I have to do this, do that, have this, have that. Today I decided that there is a way into space without Elon Musk, and that I could get there. It was a sane thought. I made the decision I was going to believe that. And when I did the fucking little dots started sparking in my vision, as if in celebration that I made that belief for myself.

Jesus, fren. The other day I sat in my front yard and looked into the sky. As usual, the little dots of light came into my vision - BUT THEN - I started seeing little black things fly everywhere. I saw them five times. It didn’t look like a vision, it was as physically there as a bird, but it didn’t move like a bird, it moved like... something else. As real as car I drive in or the people I see. My god - I’m just, floored. I’ve never seen anything like it. If I see a bird, it’s obvious it’s a bird. When I look that high into the sky it’s usually a hawk, which seem to call to me. These little black things left trails behind them and darted about quickly. Not a UFO or space ship. It just reminded me of a person being able to just fly around, like I was seeing their energy output while they jetted around the clouds. I could only see it for about two seconds before it would fly out of my vision.

My daughter, I allowed her to have some slightly hallucinogenic tea. Since she drank it she’s had a voice in her head. It’s a male, she says it’s an ancestor, but I might have put that idea in her head when I questioned her to find out more. She said - ha! - that the voice said I shouldn’t tell anyone what I see or experience, because when I’m off my meds that we will be able to do really smart things. That voice tells her a lot of wise stuff, I get super shaken sometimes. In a good way. Ideally, I respond well without meds, right? Ideally, I do smart things. I wouldn’t micro-dose her without a hella healthy person around to be buffer and support. I’m kind of intelligent in certain ways, for sure, but not in all ways, and that’s an area outside my expertise. Damn it! Not sure how a kid with two schizo parents would react to mushrooms, even a micro dose. Sounds like something a real human would do. We’re kind of cogs right now. Sad.

Ha. Just looked at the sky and saw another black thing flying around. New phenomenon. I’m in my front yard - it’s so pretty. And the weather here is so nice right now.

I have just started paying special attention to moon cycles... I have NOT yet found it in me to look at Jewish holidays - lest (((they))) need more attention - I swear. Yeah, I’m sure it was no accident, and the B has been dead for a while. I have no faith in the media system, and there is no one deep into real happenings that the info they’d bring would be believed by the masses. I believe it, because I believe a lot of crazy shit, because that seems to be the realest stuff to me. What an insane time to be alive. I have spiritual insight, according to MY alien overlords to whom I send my prayers to, that the coming years are the last fight the dark has before we reach the unveiling of a higher reality. So I’m not too stressed about the matters at hand, my mind is elsewhere. Which could be incredibly insane, as it goes, you know. I’m at the bottom of the totem pole, and RBG’s death could have taken a long time to get to me from the top where all the knowings of humanity are immediately known. Like when a voice in my head said “She doesn’t know Robin Williams died.” Then three months later he supposedly did. I told you about that. It could be that he just escaped into outer space, like Micheal Jackson. It’s not a prison planet for all, I think. It’s all a game, though. All of it.

Alright fren, write me when you can. No rush. I’m around.

Blessings.

0
0

[–] blumen4alles [S] ago 

Gave the dog another bath. He was not happy about it. More chores probably won't write again till tomorrow morning.

She said - ha! - that the voice said I shouldn’t tell anyone what I see or experience, because when I’m off my meds that we will be able to do really smart things.

That is very wise. The part where "I’m off my meds" your daughter is talking about you or herself? I took it as you when I read that.

It was so hard not to try to tell people what about what I saw, heard, thought, or experienced during my mystical experience. All I wanted to do was share. I just kept telling myself "those who know do not speak, those who speak do not know" over and over. I tired to focus on remembering what was flowing through my head, so I created all these imaginary things I would/could do. Lay out patterns. Be at certain places. Be with certain people. Relive moments with my new knowledge and do things differently.

It is lonely. I think you are very lucky to be able to be in that space with your daughters father. I only get that in my dreams. It is nice, but it also makes me miss having someone that I feel like "gets it". The dreams are sweet though, I had a pleasant one this morning.

Better get to work before I lose an hour. Have a good night fren.

0
0

[–] friendsend ago  (edited ago)

To be honest though, when I’d read about your dinner (because I read your responses several times before commenting back), I thought it’d be gross. Every time I read it, I just remember thinking it’d be gross. LMAO. EDIT - It wasn’t funny, what happened. I’m sorry fren.