[–] friendsend ago
Oh my friend. I’ve lived a lifetime of experiences since speaking with you last.
I’m glad to hear you’re doing better. And beautiful photo by the way. That artist always transcends.
I don’t have internet at my house anymore. I don’t think I’ll be getting it, against my grandmother’s and daughter’s wishes. We can escape too easily into it. I’ve been writing and reading, I’ve been listening to hypnotist tracks and stretching really well, I’ve been doing deep cleaning. We’ve been spending more time outdoors. It’s been GOOD. We can afford internet, but I’m not sure it’s healthy. We’ve been developing real lives, although I’m completely out of the loop on worldly happenings. We’re at the library right now. :)
I’ve experienced a lot with Hyper reality experiences. I was chatting with my best friend and the conversation got intense, so I imagined a water energy coming towards her and focused on it. Lo and behold her face started changing into other faces. Then one night, having been without sleep the night before (that’s been happening TOO often), I was lying down next to my daughter and grandmother. I thought they started chatting and playing and their energy was too much for me to handle, so I felt myself turn around to tell them to be calm (in a harsh way I’m ashamed to say), then they quieted down and looked at me... then I realized I had never moved to reprimand them, and that none of that had actually happened. It was sleep deprivation for sure... but for days I wondered about the reality I’m in, and if beyond the veil, if I was awake, if we’d be living in a different way. Very mind bending. The sparks of light I see have been more pronounced. They’re bigger, stay longer, and are more abundant. Last night I saw something flying around my living room, and it wasn’t a bug. I have this set of hypnotism cds called Hypnobabies, to help with childbirth.. my god, I’ve been getting into states of bliss when I listen to them. (I’m not pregnant - ha!) It’s been so needed. The other night I saw a large orange light above my neighbors house. And, my hallucinations got heavy at one point - I saw all these cartoons at a playground, then they would fade away and I’d see a white girl getting raped by Muslims, and it went back and forth for a few minutes. Allllllllmost full color, but still faded enough to feel like a dream.
Things have been difficult lately. Dealing with a lot of family drama. My grandmother is still raw from her partner passing. It’s been two weeks. My daughter was a wreck, but is doing better now.
I’ve just starting reading a book called The Warriors Meditation. I think I’m going to work with it and see how it goes. God knows I need to develop a spiritual practice.
I got a moon phase calendar for my daughter’s homeschooling area. It’s so cool. We will always now know the phase of the moon :)
I’m going to turn my grandfather’s room into mine or put my grandmother out of what used to be my room into his old room. My grandmother moved into it when I got pregnant. When the baby was born my daughter went in between us and it’s been the same ever since. I’m ready to have my own space, though. I’m going to let our grandfather’s energy get out of the house first, and when everything is ready for change I’ll be moving a lot around to see where every wants to be. There are three bedrooms. Enough for each of us to have our own space.... but frankly my daughter is a little puppy and I have no real will to break her of her mammalian need to be hugged through the night.
Both of the next links have seductive imagery. I want to take this or this class when I have my own space. If you didn’t click on the links, they are online classes that explore the cervix. “Cervical awakening” it could be called I guess. Lol :). When I get hypnotized by those audio files I have I get blissed out, and lately I’ve been having blissed out full body awareness states after using my crystal wands. I need more space, I need my own space. And if everything goes well I will in a few weeks or a month or so. If so, I am going to take one of those classes. Last year, I had a cervical exam, and all the poking and prodding lead me into a state of bliss. I mean, I was riding HIGH the entire drive home, just feeling waves and waves coming from my cervix. It was amazing.
I have been focusing a lot on my heart, and having my awareness come from my heart instead of behind my eyes. It’s so difficult.
My god, I wanted to share something else with you. I haven’t been wearing my mask into businesses. Or I didn’t last week, twice. And the way I moved around people was so new. I felt someone’s energy and I felt like I knew how to move around them to prevent them from saying anything to me about it. And several times, when I approach someone of authority, I would move in a way where it would make it seem awkward to say anything - and they didn’t. They’d look at me and move on. Three times I had people remove their mask or take it down so it wasn’t covering all their lower face holes after seeing me. Lol ;). I went into a bank without it on, and when I was walking up I felt in my body that I would find resistance there, so I navigating in my head what I would say. I decided that I would talk about herd immunity and go from there. So I went in, sat down, and two ladies started talking in front of me. They talked about herd immunity, to my shock, and then when they we’re done with their conversation they said their goodbyes and one of them had my name! (My last name can be a first name as well.). It was SYNCHRONICITY like a mother f***. I was just blown away. The woman that helped us saw me and took her mask off while she was with us. It was beautiful.
Some days I feel my life is so hopeless, but then when things like that happen I feel like I’m important to the world. It’s been a hard lesson to not seek attention, or wish for fame or admiration. When I was younger I was ridiculously attractive, and it was easy for people to give me what I thought I wanted. After being on zyprexa and gaining weight, I lost that attention, and that lust men had after me. And it has taken me to places in my life and mind that I’m so beyond grateful for. To be okay with being ‘no one’. To relish it. To not base my identity and worth by men that wanted me. But then, getting lost in being no one, getting depressed because of it, only then to be reawakened into importance by having synchronicities happen. The things I personally see and feel as a kind of mystic/schizo, make me feel I’m paid attention to - in the spirit world - but in interacting with normal humans? I’m no one. It’s a blessing and a curse. I’m so thankful I know all the differences.
I’ll write you again when I can.
Goodbye fren. Hope you’ve been good. :)
[–] friendsend ago
I know there is an hour difference between us two, which means you’re further west.... near the ‘wild’ fires, perhaps? You guys okay?
[–] blumen4alles [S] ago
Yeah there is smoke in the valley but no fires real close by, a few years ago we almost got evacuated though, from lightning caused fires. The smoke was really bad then even the deer had irritated noses. My cats noses were red too.
If I see anyone around here starting a fire it is not going to go well for them. Luckily there is some distance between me and the Pacific coast. Only saw protestors a few months ago when we went to the city. I am not very far from where Ben Garrison lives :)
[–] friendsend ago
Yes, beat them severely. I’m in Texas so we’re not really dealing with those issues.
What are you having for dinner tonight? I’ve been on a Cream-of-Wheat craze that I can’t kick. It’s serious comfort food for me. For the longest time it was sweet potatoes with Irish butter - I forgot the name of the butter, but it’s the best. In the green foil. Drinking Gatorade Zero really keeps me stable, so I got a ton of that yesterday. I know it’s kind of unhealthy, but it really makes a difference. I don’t know what it is, maybe just being a woman, I have no idea, but certain foods keep me from getting hysterical. They ground me so I can function. If I’m feeling really unstable, then eating a big serving of meat is in order. I’m so sick of coffee these days, so I’ve replaced it with sweet tea sweetened with stevia.
Anywho. I’m staying in Dallas for a couple days so my daughter can see a world class optometrist and get an MRI. I’m anxious.
Peace, fren.