[–] friendsend ago
Aw man. So I cleaned. Did some homeschooling with my kid. Looked for jobs and applied to one.
I'm loving that ascension website you shared. The loosh thing - man the description was legit, but the story behind it was off the wall though. Our death energy is harvested for the overlords? I think the guy who channeled that was lied to by a shadow entity. I remember about 7 years ago I had a lot of syncing with the band Thirty Seconds to Mars, specifically the song Up In The Air. At the time I was pregnant, and still not in control of myself at all. The posters on my walls with faces on them, when I would look at them, the eyes would move around. Every time I'd look at a picture of that band, the same thing would happen. I would pull up a picture of them and do psychic communication, and their faces would change and I could read their emotions. Fucking bizarre. At the time I was getting visions of these master creators that would create universes in their cauldrons, and birth stars, and control time... and that I was wanted to be the overseer of new souls. I remember getting a vision of looking into an illuminated pond. I thought they were telling me that singer of that band was my sun. (Insane thought) When you're kind of lucid, you put things together that don't go together. But the ideas of loosh, with those experiences specifically, have led me to believe that this realm is a test. The lords of creation -I think- don't harvest us for the purpose of living forever, in some dystopian black pill view of our purpose. I saw them create. In my view our creator(s) went through torture to create this reality, like Jesus did to save us, and pain is expected and unforgiving because that's the name of this game. But, I have the view that this dense reality hasn't always been like this, and that we slowly came into this from being light beings.... just as I believe that there are areas of the planet that are in a lighter, less dense, more aetherial state. Like the Isles of Avalon.
There was a funny book that came out about women masturbating, and how it opened holes in reality that allowed demons in. I believe you can control that energy and where it goes though. Like with the sigils. LOL. All this unbridled sexual energy floating around with people fucking incoherently, my god, who ever is feeding on that is having a shmorgishborg. Watching scary movies, zoning out by watching tv... even the energy you emit after eating toxic food. Loosh. It is harvestable. But we're made to harvest for ultimate suffering? No, I can't subscribe to that.
Actually, when my daughter was 1 and I lost my shit (having to go into the psychward) - I was HIGH on making these incredibly hilarious stories for the 'space army' that was talking to me. I was all over the place playing pretend, like a 6 year old, telling these stories and acting them out. I was having a blast. It was so incredibly fun, and I dreamed and saw all of these incredible things. It was so amazing, but I couldn't control it. I felt something under my skin moving around (I think I told you about that already!). I fully believe there is something in my body. Fucking insane right? As a 34 woman, a mother, a (now) sane and feeling individual who operates well in public and whom has held a respectable job - fully, fully believes that there is something inside of my body. Haha. Christ. But things have led me to believe that there is a lot of light, a lot of love, and a lot of fun out there. Is there a fight? Yes, there is. An epic battle of holy and evil energies and beings. But, the good? The good is fun, and it's hysterically funny and enjoyable. Bliss is real. <3<3 The reality of living in bliss is surreal, too. A real and tangible way of being that helps those around you who feel your energy.
I remember during that period I went nuts, I saw a city fall under a volcano. The people of the city were profoundly evil, hence the eruption, and I remember seeing those creators I spoke about take me to this long endless hall. In the hall there were large picture frames on the walls, and we took the souls of those evil people and put their heads in the pictures, with their bodies sticking out... and the point was to completely wipe their souls clean. To bleach everything in them, completely ripping out and deprogramming everything they were. When they were done they were like babies, fresh new souls to go back out into the universe. It was pretty cool. It could have been anyone's dream, but I was seeing visions of it during my waking moments, and I was acting it out alone in my room. Being insane can be a blast, sometimes.
Anywho. It was another rough day. Thanks for being an outlet for me. I can really write about things I can't tell anyone. It's really wonderful, thank you so much.
Blessings.
[–] blumen4alles [S] ago
How are things going with you?
I am doing better without kratom. Sleeping OK, appetite OK. I think I may even have more energy now. I have also noticed my pain is better. We had a beautiful full moon. Coyotes have been going nuts every night as soon as the moon comes up over the mountain.
How is everyone doing after the death of your step-grandpa? I always feel a sense of relief after someone slowly dying passes.
Hope you are doing well and you had a good week :)
[–] friendsend ago
I know there is an hour difference between us two, which means you’re further west.... near the ‘wild’ fires, perhaps? You guys okay?
[–] friendsend ago
Oh my friend. I’ve lived a lifetime of experiences since speaking with you last.
I’m glad to hear you’re doing better. And beautiful photo by the way. That artist always transcends.
I don’t have internet at my house anymore. I don’t think I’ll be getting it, against my grandmother’s and daughter’s wishes. We can escape too easily into it. I’ve been writing and reading, I’ve been listening to hypnotist tracks and stretching really well, I’ve been doing deep cleaning. We’ve been spending more time outdoors. It’s been GOOD. We can afford internet, but I’m not sure it’s healthy. We’ve been developing real lives, although I’m completely out of the loop on worldly happenings. We’re at the library right now. :)
I’ve experienced a lot with Hyper reality experiences. I was chatting with my best friend and the conversation got intense, so I imagined a water energy coming towards her and focused on it. Lo and behold her face started changing into other faces. Then one night, having been without sleep the night before (that’s been happening TOO often), I was lying down next to my daughter and grandmother. I thought they started chatting and playing and their energy was too much for me to handle, so I felt myself turn around to tell them to be calm (in a harsh way I’m ashamed to say), then they quieted down and looked at me... then I realized I had never moved to reprimand them, and that none of that had actually happened. It was sleep deprivation for sure... but for days I wondered about the reality I’m in, and if beyond the veil, if I was awake, if we’d be living in a different way. Very mind bending. The sparks of light I see have been more pronounced. They’re bigger, stay longer, and are more abundant. Last night I saw something flying around my living room, and it wasn’t a bug. I have this set of hypnotism cds called Hypnobabies, to help with childbirth.. my god, I’ve been getting into states of bliss when I listen to them. (I’m not pregnant - ha!) It’s been so needed. The other night I saw a large orange light above my neighbors house. And, my hallucinations got heavy at one point - I saw all these cartoons at a playground, then they would fade away and I’d see a white girl getting raped by Muslims, and it went back and forth for a few minutes. Allllllllmost full color, but still faded enough to feel like a dream.
Things have been difficult lately. Dealing with a lot of family drama. My grandmother is still raw from her partner passing. It’s been two weeks. My daughter was a wreck, but is doing better now.
I’ve just starting reading a book called The Warriors Meditation. I think I’m going to work with it and see how it goes. God knows I need to develop a spiritual practice.
I got a moon phase calendar for my daughter’s homeschooling area. It’s so cool. We will always now know the phase of the moon :)
I’m going to turn my grandfather’s room into mine or put my grandmother out of what used to be my room into his old room. My grandmother moved into it when I got pregnant. When the baby was born my daughter went in between us and it’s been the same ever since. I’m ready to have my own space, though. I’m going to let our grandfather’s energy get out of the house first, and when everything is ready for change I’ll be moving a lot around to see where every wants to be. There are three bedrooms. Enough for each of us to have our own space.... but frankly my daughter is a little puppy and I have no real will to break her of her mammalian need to be hugged through the night.
Both of the next links have seductive imagery. I want to take this or this class when I have my own space. If you didn’t click on the links, they are online classes that explore the cervix. “Cervical awakening” it could be called I guess. Lol :). When I get hypnotized by those audio files I have I get blissed out, and lately I’ve been having blissed out full body awareness states after using my crystal wands. I need more space, I need my own space. And if everything goes well I will in a few weeks or a month or so. If so, I am going to take one of those classes. Last year, I had a cervical exam, and all the poking and prodding lead me into a state of bliss. I mean, I was riding HIGH the entire drive home, just feeling waves and waves coming from my cervix. It was amazing.
I have been focusing a lot on my heart, and having my awareness come from my heart instead of behind my eyes. It’s so difficult.
My god, I wanted to share something else with you. I haven’t been wearing my mask into businesses. Or I didn’t last week, twice. And the way I moved around people was so new. I felt someone’s energy and I felt like I knew how to move around them to prevent them from saying anything to me about it. And several times, when I approach someone of authority, I would move in a way where it would make it seem awkward to say anything - and they didn’t. They’d look at me and move on. Three times I had people remove their mask or take it down so it wasn’t covering all their lower face holes after seeing me. Lol ;). I went into a bank without it on, and when I was walking up I felt in my body that I would find resistance there, so I navigating in my head what I would say. I decided that I would talk about herd immunity and go from there. So I went in, sat down, and two ladies started talking in front of me. They talked about herd immunity, to my shock, and then when they we’re done with their conversation they said their goodbyes and one of them had my name! (My last name can be a first name as well.). It was SYNCHRONICITY like a mother f***. I was just blown away. The woman that helped us saw me and took her mask off while she was with us. It was beautiful.
Some days I feel my life is so hopeless, but then when things like that happen I feel like I’m important to the world. It’s been a hard lesson to not seek attention, or wish for fame or admiration. When I was younger I was ridiculously attractive, and it was easy for people to give me what I thought I wanted. After being on zyprexa and gaining weight, I lost that attention, and that lust men had after me. And it has taken me to places in my life and mind that I’m so beyond grateful for. To be okay with being ‘no one’. To relish it. To not base my identity and worth by men that wanted me. But then, getting lost in being no one, getting depressed because of it, only then to be reawakened into importance by having synchronicities happen. The things I personally see and feel as a kind of mystic/schizo, make me feel I’m paid attention to - in the spirit world - but in interacting with normal humans? I’m no one. It’s a blessing and a curse. I’m so thankful I know all the differences.
I’ll write you again when I can.
Goodbye fren. Hope you’ve been good. :)