[–] friendsend ago
Ah.
I just did an experiment. I put her big full body collar on with a leash and took her into the front yard. I let go of the leash and let her walk around. She came when called 3/5 times. I think I bored her. But she did really well. If she didn’t listen when I called and walked away to do her own thing, I just grabbed the leash and she fell in line. I think she was very happy. After 10 minutes she just walked back to the front door. Lol.
Little steps. My grandmother is a nervous wreck and probably would have yelled at me. Ha! I’ll try again tomorrow, with some treats. Thank you!!
No, you can tell me your dreams. I can’t believe anyone would be that candid, because the wrong person reading that could take it WAY out of context. I just know that I’ve had similar dreams and it’s nothing I can say unless it’s face to face with no smart phones around. These dreams have happened to me about three times. You know, when you’re weak minded you can believe that it’s you thinking those things, not something influencing you or cursing you.
I grew up with the idea that most men were terrible. Not my Papaw (my mothers father). But my dad was absent, and his father was absent, and his mother married a young man 20 years her senior who molested me. Ugh. I remember it clearly. Everyone - tv, family, school - said boys were interested in sex. And this is going to sound odd, but I don’t think my mother even knows how to show affection without the touch getting weird. Like, every time she would hold my hand, or the hand of my siblings, it would last 4 seconds before we all would pull away. And with my daughter, I’ve had to develop a very strong and innocent way of handling her and showing her affection. I don’t let any sexual feeling flow her way - but I do let life force flow through her, my life force, which comes from all of me. And in that there is will that lets her energy just shine directly from me to her. But, man, yeah. I was taught all men were potential molesters. My mothers boyfriend, he accused me of thinking it towards him.... and I did. I had never met him before and he was in a room with her alone downstairs, and I just had to go and get her quickly because he was a stranger. Those are my rights and I don’t know him. My daughter isn’t a social experiment on how to develop trust with strangers. (Even if it was a woman I would have felt the same.). But there are men that I’ve grown up with, who I knew well, that if I felt comfortable enough to have them over to help and hang out - I think I would feel comfortable to have them be around the kids (boys or girls). Growing up a lot of my young girl friends were molested as well. I don’t wear it as a chip on my shoulder... because I’m not going to victimize myself in that way. I’m sorry my vagina doesn’t hold the bane of my existence. If it happened to my daughter I would have her ritualistically and physiologically process through it and move on. It IS a terrible way to think though, because the reality is that 10% of the men do 90% of the crimes. And without men to raise daughters, the daughters have distortions of what men are. My mother took me to dinner when I was 25 with a man she met through so and so, and I ended up leaving because I said he seemed like a creep.... a couple months later she told me he was caught with child porn. God. I would LOVE to be in a community where women were trusted not to be trifling hoes, men were bound by their word, and children were left to grow wild.
A good man that I’ve had in my life, although not in a profound way, just a good way (although he’s SUCH an asshole a lot of the times - ha!) - is my Mamaw’s common law husband of 30 years. Today we had a real sense of community - it was so wonderful - because a chaplain came to our house to talk about our family’s spiritual and emotional needs. My Mamaw’s husband is dying. She and I are taking care of him around the clock, and have been for a week since he’s been out of the hospital system. It felt so, so, so good to sit and talk about how we were really doing, what we believed, and if we need any type of support, to just give him a call. Filled my soul. I’ve never done anything like that. I could cry at our isolation and our disconnection. Don’t know what you’re missing if you’ve never had it, right?
Reminds me of this Covid shit. They are separating biped mammals from touching or being in proximity. Tell me they aren’t trying to change the way the human organism as one living body and the way we/it operates on a macro level. Separation. Isolation. Only touch who you want to fuck.
Damn shame, reminds me of what I learned about men before FAGGOTRY became the norm - men used to be affectionate with one another. Taking an arm, sitting on each other’s laps, leaning against each other, slapping each other on the rear. And now if a man has a propensity for dressing with flair he ...”must be gay”. Tell that to Casanova. Pisses me off. Would love to see some high fashion dude dressed to the nines flirting with the pretty girls. Like it used to be in high society. I’d LOVE to wear all those dresses everyday!
I’ve looked into Lilith... oh my, I have this great Catholic book about evil goddess and their hold on modern women. Forgot what it was called. I put all my books up because I was tired of looking at them. I remember in my youth Lilith was celebrated as the woman who refused to lie under Adam, and mated the demons into existence, and oh my, she’s so powerful!!!!$#!#!!! I think my mother is OWNED by some dark goddess. Couldn’t imagine any other reason she brought the type of drama into our lives if she wasn’t being controlled by SOMETHING nefarious.
Your statement of the dark matriarchs? I’ve never heard this theory. Sauce, by chance? Or a personal transmission?
Ok, I’m off to do yoga. I spent almost two hours today do yard work with the kiddo. Felt SO GOOD.
And no, I have gone down in my dosage. It’s my 2nd month on 5 mg. I’ll be on it for 3 more months. :)
Night fren!
[–] blumen4alles [S] ago
Barely slept at all last night. Insomnia really sucks. Most of the time I was just trying to rest my body, my mind was going nuts though. I didn't drink my kratom tea yesterday because I don't feel like it is helping my pain much. This is a side-effect I knew was going to happen. Argh I hope I can get some sleep tonight. No kratom again today either. It used to give me a good 4-6 hours of pain relief and energy. I don't know if it is just the quality I have now or my body chemistry has changed. I am just sick of doing the same thing every day. Maybe I will get to where all I drink is water or fruit juice for a few days. Fasting is a trip all its own.
Glad your dog did well! If you can get to where she is distracted and still comes when called that is ideal. Treats definitely help with that. If you have a yummy dry dog food you could probably use that for treats as well.
I might write more later. My mind is goofy right now though, and I don't want to go down any rabbit holes thinking about unbalanced sexual energy & kids getting abused.
Thought about you last night in between considering pacing around outside trying to tire myself out.
[–] friendsend ago (edited ago)
Holy yads, I just spent an 45 minutes typing a response only to click a button and make it all disappear. facepalm Staring over.
Go to Etsy, and look up a tea called “In A Dream Awake”. It has plants in it that are psychoactive and that could help with insomnia. It would take a week to get to you, if you could wait that long. Instead of making it into a tea, you can smoke it. It might be good just to have on hand. The blue lotus in it is a very mild pain reliever. Another good plant is wild opium lettuce. It’s almost on par with kratom for pain. You can find resin from the plant on Etsy as well. Otherwise you make a tea out of the leaves. And don’t psych yourself out when you’re fighting to get to sleep. Embrace the suck of insomnia and just hold onto hope that you’ll be ok during the day. You’ll probably get through the worst of it and around 6-9 AM get your second wind and not feel a thing. I bet you’ll sleep extra well tonight. But, dont be worried about it! Allow your mind to rest. Meditate or put some headphones on with some white noise. Or listen to a heart beating noise. There is a technique where you can use pressure on your vagus nerve. Squeeze your qlutes together and push down, as if going to the bathroom, but keep holding for 8-10 seconds (and don’t go to the bathroom! ;)) and then release, then pay attention to your peripheral vision. That should calm your mind down a lot and get you out of some anxiety about your insomnia.
We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about. If you have something else on your mind, then type about that. I’m around voat all the time. I really need to find new news sources, but the humor here is something I’m addicted to. I wonder what the guys here would be like irl. If there was a meet up, I would go, but I’d be the single mom everyone would love to hate.... but I’m sure I’d be accepted eventually because my power of will towards the cause. Hahah.
Rest easy! Peace fren.