[–] friendsend ago (edited ago)
K. So.
Lots of uncomfortable stuff that I’m surprised you told me. I TOO have had some very f-in uncomfortable dreams that make me wake up feeling disgusted and horrified. I’m even too embarrassed to say it - because my god - you just don’t talk about these things. At the beginning of my horrendous and nightmarish break from reality, that thought I shared about women steering the planet was an obsessive thought - and I was envisioning planets colliding, and going into a demonic place in the universe, and DOOM AND GLOOM, and it was all my fault - and the only male around me was my brother. I ASKED HIM TO HAVE SEX WITH ME. I was out of it - completely gone - hysterical. And it happened two more times because the voices in my head said he was just pretending to be my brother and he was really adopted and he was the Lizard King of the Internet™. When I became sane again it took me years to look him in the face or talk to him without being beyond horrified. We’re over it now, there isn’t a thought of it. He knows where I was, and he still loves me. :)
Other dreams, just shit I can’t talk about in a public forum, or thoughts while I was crazy that leave me in a state of mourning that those images/ideas were ever in my head. Yes. Even still, disturbing thoughts come... and I have learned recently to disassociate from them. I imagine that there is a hooked nose Jew behind me saying it and pretending that it was me. I’ll imagine myself stabbing him or violently annihilating him. It works. .-KNOWING-. these thoughts aren’t mine has been freedom. I think only a shaman/mystic/schizophrenic/occultist/hermeticist can say that with sincere conviction. Hard lesson to learn. I’m not completely shielded. Maybe as I grow more wise I’ll learn how to catch intrusive thoughts quickly. Ha, instead of being horrified and embarrassed, asking for forgiveness. Self empowerment, man!
I don’t know. I’ve had dreams where I can feel everything that was going on. Aliens probing my butt, waking up with it still feeling like something was there. Or having a man go down on me and almost climaxing, waking up right before I hit a peak. It doesn’t happen often, and I’m glad. I sleep in the same bed with my elderly Grandmother with my 7 year old in between us. It makes me feel safe that we’re all there sharing our heart energy. The elderly who live around their grand babies live the longest, and my daughter snuggles up with one of us every night - as she should!!
There are times though when I feel like a man is presenting himself to me energetically. And as an adult, ‘worldly’ woman, it is only expected that I act my part in the exchange of energies. And it gets intense, where I feel myself giving sexual energy out and can feel myself feel his responses, and just play it out until everything builds up and then releases. Happened with clouds, mirrors... Where I felt like that man was inside of those. I’m alone when in this situation. Can’t really play out that kind of stuff consciously around others.
I may be inspired by your words and take a break off of media. Even music. That’s hard.
Ha - so a couple years ago there was a Super Bowl. It was the whitest team against the blackest team (...I think?). I don’t give any, any fucks about sports. But when I heard it was the whitest team, I wanted to put my psychic energy to give them a push towards victory, right? So I sit down, and play some heavy hitting music, and imagine myself fighting in the ethereal realm. I did it for the entire second half of the game, and they won. I felt super proud, like it was all me, it was so funny. Reading the salt about how ‘white supremacy won’ was beautiful. Lmao. But the music pushed me into the visions, I couldn’t cast without it. And another time, I was feeling rage.. something about a little white girl that was murdered... and I was on my way home and I listened to my favorite artist.. and I felt my emotions morph into a type of subdued feeling. And I couldn’t get back to the rage. I had to find some death metal, and then I worked my way into it again.
Yeah, I think I’m going to do a sabbatical of sorts. I have been thinking about it for a while, but I think you mentioning these things are just giving me the push I need. I’ll approach it seriously tomorrow.
And that movie you mentioned in your post - the one about synchronicity and high vibes... yes, I’ve seen it. A very long time ago. I wasn’t as awake back then, I was still going through a lot of mental illness and chaos. It reminds me a bit of my journey now - trying to not over think, and doing activities that align with the flow of the living and awake world around me. Some people may just ...have it... We’re programmed to be out of sync though. I’m trying so hard to tap into my body. The zyprexa made me gain weight, and I can’t ‘feel’ myself. I feel like I’m just a talking head with a newly awakened weak heart, desperately trying to be human so I can have a couple friends and learn how to take care of myself. So much damage was done, being mentally ill, and the fear - the fear that something else bad will happen... I’m trying to embrace acceptance, and gratitude, and hope... not over analyzing and making it hard for the universe to give me what I need. Being gracious and trusting. I made it out of terrible circumstances - a wreck, mind you - but finding that alignment. That’s when the coincidences happen. And when those start happening back to back my anxiety goes through the roof and I get schizo because those types of alignments mean something big.. and am I ready for it? Ugh. Chicken shit.
It’s almost 3:30 pm my time. Gotta take my daughter out for a walk, get some fresh air. It’s overcast here so it’s not too hot. The mosquitos though. My German Shepard tends to lose her shit if approached by unleashed dogs. She thinks they’re a threat, and gets very territorial over us. It gets scary. She’s so well behaved at home, the most polite and well mannered dog. But, my god, if we’re outside away from the house, what are we going to do?! Witness a dog fight!? No joke. We don’t take her on walks anymore because of it and it breaks our hearts. We can’t afford more training to try and fix the issue. Would you have any advice?
I have more to write. I’ll write when I’m free.
Peas and chicken grease.
[–] blumen4alles [S] ago
You are one hour ahead of me :)
With my dogs I would unleash my dog and let them sort it out. Dogs that are leashed around other dogs can get anxious, as it is not an even playing field. However you'd have to be comfortable having them off leash. Do you think she would run away? If she usually does well with verbal commands (especially coming when called) it should be OK. She'd probably want to stay close to you too.
The same thing would happen in a dog park, which is why you never take a dog in leashed. There is usually a buffer zone where you can secure a gate behind you, remove the leash, then let the dog into the larger area.
I rarely put my dogs on leash. Usually only if we walk to the road to get the mail, or out in public when it is required. Even then I remove the leash until I see another person or dog.
Hope its OK sharing my dreams, they really are fucked up and when I have them it almost feels like I am being psychically attacked. Have you ever looked into Lilith?
I am not surprised you asked your brother to have sex with you. That fits in with how this fallen world operates. I'd totally forgive you for that if you were my sister.
I think that NFL team was the New England Patriots, I remember them being known as the Whitest team in the NFL. I am not into sports either but I pick things up if a friend is or I read news about it.
Don't think it is all music, but it could be in a way, like how they changed A from 432 Hz to 440 Hz, and you can see the difference using cymatics. Classical music would certainly be OK, but I don't listen to that much. I'd stay away from anything popular. In the movie Josie and the Pussycats 2001 they find the subliminal messages are being piped through channel # 27. That movie Frequencies, the first number spoken in the movie is the girls test score, 127.
Hell even the electricity in my house is probably influencing me in some way. I put a magnet on the transformer that feeds our house during my mystical experience (I did many things that probably have no real effect in the physical world like that, it was more of a symbol to remind me and to signal to them that I know). I know they are using everything they have to disrupt our natural state.
[–] friendsend ago
Ah.
I just did an experiment. I put her big full body collar on with a leash and took her into the front yard. I let go of the leash and let her walk around. She came when called 3/5 times. I think I bored her. But she did really well. If she didn’t listen when I called and walked away to do her own thing, I just grabbed the leash and she fell in line. I think she was very happy. After 10 minutes she just walked back to the front door. Lol.
Little steps. My grandmother is a nervous wreck and probably would have yelled at me. Ha! I’ll try again tomorrow, with some treats. Thank you!!
No, you can tell me your dreams. I can’t believe anyone would be that candid, because the wrong person reading that could take it WAY out of context. I just know that I’ve had similar dreams and it’s nothing I can say unless it’s face to face with no smart phones around. These dreams have happened to me about three times. You know, when you’re weak minded you can believe that it’s you thinking those things, not something influencing you or cursing you.
I grew up with the idea that most men were terrible. Not my Papaw (my mothers father). But my dad was absent, and his father was absent, and his mother married a young man 20 years her senior who molested me. Ugh. I remember it clearly. Everyone - tv, family, school - said boys were interested in sex. And this is going to sound odd, but I don’t think my mother even knows how to show affection without the touch getting weird. Like, every time she would hold my hand, or the hand of my siblings, it would last 4 seconds before we all would pull away. And with my daughter, I’ve had to develop a very strong and innocent way of handling her and showing her affection. I don’t let any sexual feeling flow her way - but I do let life force flow through her, my life force, which comes from all of me. And in that there is will that lets her energy just shine directly from me to her. But, man, yeah. I was taught all men were potential molesters. My mothers boyfriend, he accused me of thinking it towards him.... and I did. I had never met him before and he was in a room with her alone downstairs, and I just had to go and get her quickly because he was a stranger. Those are my rights and I don’t know him. My daughter isn’t a social experiment on how to develop trust with strangers. (Even if it was a woman I would have felt the same.). But there are men that I’ve grown up with, who I knew well, that if I felt comfortable enough to have them over to help and hang out - I think I would feel comfortable to have them be around the kids (boys or girls). Growing up a lot of my young girl friends were molested as well. I don’t wear it as a chip on my shoulder... because I’m not going to victimize myself in that way. I’m sorry my vagina doesn’t hold the bane of my existence. If it happened to my daughter I would have her ritualistically and physiologically process through it and move on. It IS a terrible way to think though, because the reality is that 10% of the men do 90% of the crimes. And without men to raise daughters, the daughters have distortions of what men are. My mother took me to dinner when I was 25 with a man she met through so and so, and I ended up leaving because I said he seemed like a creep.... a couple months later she told me he was caught with child porn. God. I would LOVE to be in a community where women were trusted not to be trifling hoes, men were bound by their word, and children were left to grow wild.
A good man that I’ve had in my life, although not in a profound way, just a good way (although he’s SUCH an asshole a lot of the times - ha!) - is my Mamaw’s common law husband of 30 years. Today we had a real sense of community - it was so wonderful - because a chaplain came to our house to talk about our family’s spiritual and emotional needs. My Mamaw’s husband is dying. She and I are taking care of him around the clock, and have been for a week since he’s been out of the hospital system. It felt so, so, so good to sit and talk about how we were really doing, what we believed, and if we need any type of support, to just give him a call. Filled my soul. I’ve never done anything like that. I could cry at our isolation and our disconnection. Don’t know what you’re missing if you’ve never had it, right?
Reminds me of this Covid shit. They are separating biped mammals from touching or being in proximity. Tell me they aren’t trying to change the way the human organism as one living body and the way we/it operates on a macro level. Separation. Isolation. Only touch who you want to fuck.
Damn shame, reminds me of what I learned about men before FAGGOTRY became the norm - men used to be affectionate with one another. Taking an arm, sitting on each other’s laps, leaning against each other, slapping each other on the rear. And now if a man has a propensity for dressing with flair he ...”must be gay”. Tell that to Casanova. Pisses me off. Would love to see some high fashion dude dressed to the nines flirting with the pretty girls. Like it used to be in high society. I’d LOVE to wear all those dresses everyday!
I’ve looked into Lilith... oh my, I have this great Catholic book about evil goddess and their hold on modern women. Forgot what it was called. I put all my books up because I was tired of looking at them. I remember in my youth Lilith was celebrated as the woman who refused to lie under Adam, and mated the demons into existence, and oh my, she’s so powerful!!!!$#!#!!! I think my mother is OWNED by some dark goddess. Couldn’t imagine any other reason she brought the type of drama into our lives if she wasn’t being controlled by SOMETHING nefarious.
Your statement of the dark matriarchs? I’ve never heard this theory. Sauce, by chance? Or a personal transmission?
Ok, I’m off to do yoga. I spent almost two hours today do yard work with the kiddo. Felt SO GOOD.
And no, I have gone down in my dosage. It’s my 2nd month on 5 mg. I’ll be on it for 3 more months. :)
Night fren!