[–] DietCokehead1 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
"I moved around for 10 minutes, therefore I'm an athlete! tee hee!"
[–] [deleted] 0 points 9 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago
[–] shdwghst457 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
No, if you're walking up the same set of stairs as a fathlete and skipping steps, then they walked up twice as many stairs.
Just kidding, they took the elevator.
[–] MuensterMonster 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
they found the joy in moving their body and being physically active, per the HAES principles. theyre challenging scientific and cultural assumptions about what it means to be an athlete. can't you see that they are fierce warriors whose health isnt determined by their ability to look and act like healthy individuals? /s
[–] Phillyshitlord 0 points 14 points 14 points (+14|-0) ago (edited ago)
I love fathletes!!! Especially crushing their idea of what being an athlete entails.
I love sending their shot into the stands.
I love dunking on then like it's a lay up line.
I love outrunning an easy dribbler to first because they can't huff their fat ass off the bag and get back.
I love giving them a pre school juke move and watch them fall flat on their face when they try and tackle me.
I love making catch after catch and scoring TD after TD like I'm playing Madden on rookie.
There's very few things I love more than seeing a FAThlete wearing the opposing teams color and talking shit because of that one time they played 15 years ago.
[–] Duune24 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
The worst is playing soccer and having the fatties fight over who is going to be the goalie. It doesn't matter they can't dive or jump after the ball when it comes to them or they can't bend down to reach the ball. They are too fat or lazy to put enough effort into playing the game.
Putting them on the back defensive line is even worst, because they can't get back in a resonable pace to stop a scoring chance. So you are stuck with a 3 on 2 break, but our best athletes at forward can bust their ass all game long.
Watching fats play soccer is painful.
[–] Phillyshitlord 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I forgot all about that!!! Probably because I'm the goalie for my team so I don't interact with the other goalie that much. Whenever I see a fat goalie I know that we essentially only have to play good defense because we'll get several by him.
The only thing better is when the left or right back is the fathlete. Then every stop I get is a coffin corner punt because they always come up too far and our mids out run then for a 1 v 1 versus the goalie.
[–] Hstains 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
This was wonderfully written. I could feel the rage as I read on. Sounds like you might have some good material for /v/FatPeopleStories
[–] antiplebbitor 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
And for motivation, when they run, they can be followed by aggressive Belgian Malinois who have been trained to attack fatties: run or else, hams!
Lava pit for the first five feet of the standing longjump.
Spikes beneath the pole vaulting ramp-up.
I'm sure we could turn this into a "sport" worth the watching...
XD
DEATH to HAMS!
[–] lava 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
God it's like them just sitting at the treadmill and then taking a picture of the results an hour later. And you know that this is all that these hams are going to talk about for the rest of their lives. "I run faster than fit people. I could run 4 marathons in a row, even with my beetus feet!"
[–] LazarusLong 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Reminds me of that ham that posted a route on that run tracking app that showed they were running 3 minute miles.
They got super pissed when people called them out.
[–] Swole_is_life 1 point 77 points 78 points (+78|-1) ago
I need to save this for the next time someone gives me crap about making fun of hams working out. I'm an avid fat hater, but you know what, if I see a ham actually working out I'll give them a pass. You know why this isn't fat sympathy? Because IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS. I have never in my life seen an actual ham seriously working out. The closest I remember was back in HS cross country, but those guys weren't really hams, they were 14-year-olds who had some belly fat for growing (they did finish growing a few years later and lost the weight).
So yeah, Imma say even here where I can get banned for it, if you're a ham and actually working out, I'll give you a big pat on the back. I can say this without fear of the banhammer because I know it will never happen.
[–] Phillyshitlord 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I don't think hands are ABLE to legitimately work hard on a workout. I mean work hard for an obese individual actually trying sure, but not legitimately work hard.
[–] Swole_is_life 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Not even that, I've never seen one actually exert itself. They get done with their "workout" and they aren't any sweatier than they normally are from just being hams. They sit there on the bike at the lowest level without breathing hard, and these are HAMS. They breathe hard just getting out of bed.
Then you have the smaller hams who think they're strong and do everything wrong, like the idiot who was doing (not even) quarter curls with 100 pound dumbbells the other day in my gym.
So maybe I should be a little more clear, but what I never see is a ham working out in a way that will actually be helpful for them. They either do stupid shit in an attempt to seem fit or they do pretty much nothing. Either way, you get no partial credit from me.
[–] Snibbin 0 points 34 points 34 points (+34|-0) ago
I've seen a lot of hams at my gym... There is one that I've seen there a lot over the last 3 months and he appears to be taking it seriously, putting in effort, doesn't act like a shithead while there, and has lost noticeable weight over the time I've seen him. Maybe some day he will rejoin the human race. He is the only fatass I've ever seen at the gym that I have any real hope for at all.
[–] VegetarianZombie1 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
For lards like that one, I'll cut down on the hate. At least they're making an effort. But they still get hate because they let themselves get fat in the first place.
Respect comes when you reach a 24.9 BMI, not before.
[–] LazarusLong 0 points 32 points 32 points (+32|-0) ago
I think there are so few because any that do put in effort don't stay fat.
You have to catch them in transition, everyone else is just spinning their wheels.
[–] darthbrodin [S] 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
That's because hams who seriously work out regularly reverse their condishuns and change their juhneticks and become normal people again. Being fat and regularly "seriously working out" are mutually exclusive lifestyles.
Anyone who tells you "I work out so hard but I also eat a lot!" (e.g., stereotypical dadbod fatlogic when they claim the fat on their upper arms is actually muscle) isn't actually serious about their sport, because anyone who takes a sport seriously realizes how much of an advantage a low body weight is. Fuck, even powerlifters try to cut to the point where they are at exactly the cutoff on their weight class.