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[–] blumen4alles 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

I did not know wraps existed until fairly recently (within the last 8 years or so). I was amazed how comfortable it looked for both the mother and baby. Also amazed how skillfully she used the wrap being a first time mother, I was curious but did not want to intrude too much (where did she learn it from, did she practice a lot - were some questions that popped in my head).

Be careful telling other people your plans, those will ill-intent will try to mind-fuck you. Don't give them "ins".

I doubt you can spoil a baby. Use your instincts, feel it out. Please don't mutilate them or give your power away to someone wearing a white lab coat. Control your own.

Congratulations, I hope the birth goes smoothly :)

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[–] messdnys [S] 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Thank you! Yeah I am learning to let a lot of what my MIL says just bounce off me. She is the only mother-figure in my life (my own mother is a radical feminist and we are estranged), so I want to learn from her as much as is appropriate - after all, she helped raised my husband who is an incredible man. But I'm having to learn to recognize when she's just giving me bad advice.

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[–] TheAntiZealot 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Mothers can only "raise" weak men (assuming they are a guide, mentor, or otherwise persistent figure). Your husband made himself incredible; she didn't. He's internally driven. Give proper credit where it is due.

He likely found a man (or many men) as a mentor or as a role model and learned that way.

I have a poor relationship with my mother and everything good to me came when I distanced myself from her emotionally. When a girl finds me attractive and says something like "thank your mother for raising you because you're awesome" it leaves a bad taste. My mother is why I'm traumatized. Escaping her is why I'm strong.

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[–] NoTrueScotsman 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

I guarantee she practiced a lot. It takes a while to get the hang of tightening them right.There are a bunch of tutorial videos and channels on YouTube to learn techniques, as well as social media groups.

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[–] blumen4alles 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

I figured she did. It was amazing how she would just take the wrap and get it so perfect. It was quick too, I would have taken forever.

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[–] callthehambulance 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

I would say, go with whatever feels right and natural for you and your Baby :) I was a very fussy, cranky infant and apparently didn't like to be held a lot. my Sister had the same with her youngest. Her eldest though loved being in a wrap or a sling.

Another commenter below mentioned the best thing you can do is to instil a sense of independence in them from a young age, as soon as they can walk, and this is an excellent point too.

You'll find wht works for you, and it's so good you're already thinking ahead on this issue. The very best of luck to you <3

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[–] SOULESS 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

A lot also say to leave your child to cry alone at night to teach it to sleep alone.

Trust your motherly instinct more than what people tell you. A lot of the neglect techniques lead to kids who trust less and are emotionally unbalanced later in life.

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[–] Rellik88 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

But my Mother-in-Law said not to do that, that I shouldn't hold her too much because it will spoil her.

She's a cunt. You cannot spoil a baby. Hold that baby and love it. I bet she thinks a baby can cry itself to sleep too.

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[–] messdnys [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Yes she's said that. She also told me to wake my baby up after breastfeeding so she doesn't become dependent on it to fall asleep and can "self-soothe" herself back to sleep. That sounded really weird to me.

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[–] TheAntiZealot 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Sounds like a narcissist/sociopath trying to spread the memetics.

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[–] NoTrueScotsman 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

That's advice I've heard before, but it doesn't make any sense to me. It's not just comfort or habit that makes babies fall asleep after nursing, it's the fact that the milk contains hormones that make them sleepy, and, with very young babies, the physical effort of nursing is exhausting.

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[–] AmoebaGrin 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Babies can't self-soothe. They just learn that no one will come rescue them or help them so they shut up and stop crying. It's sad. Self-soothing happens much much later.

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[–] Alreadygone 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Look up secure versus insecure attachments. You are working on making a secure attachment with your baby for their lifelong emotional health. This will be the first of many tidbits you’ll probably need to ignore from your mother in law. You cannot cannot cannot spoil an infant. Hearing your baby cry will physically hurt too in those early months. Your mama instincts will kick in hard every moment your baby is crying.

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[–] Shieldmaden 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Short version: Can’t spoil a baby. Hold them as much as possible. You can screw up attachment by not responding appropriately to baby’s needs (look up “attachment disorder” and learn how to avoid it) or you risk ending up with a “f u mom/dad” teenager and adult.

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[–] MaFishTacosDaBombBro 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Your mother in law sounds crazy. A baby needs to be held. Once the baby gets older and learns to communicate, that's when spoiling can happen, but not as a baby.

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[–] KILLtheRATS 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

You can not spoil a baby

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