[–] MaFishTacosDaBombBro 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Your mother in law sounds crazy. A baby needs to be held. Once the baby gets older and learns to communicate, that's when spoiling can happen, but not as a baby.
[–] blumen4alles 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I did not know wraps existed until fairly recently (within the last 8 years or so). I was amazed how comfortable it looked for both the mother and baby. Also amazed how skillfully she used the wrap being a first time mother, I was curious but did not want to intrude too much (where did she learn it from, did she practice a lot - were some questions that popped in my head).
Be careful telling other people your plans, those will ill-intent will try to mind-fuck you. Don't give them "ins".
I doubt you can spoil a baby. Use your instincts, feel it out. Please don't mutilate them or give your power away to someone wearing a white lab coat. Control your own.
Congratulations, I hope the birth goes smoothly :)
[–] NoTrueScotsman 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I guarantee she practiced a lot. It takes a while to get the hang of tightening them right.There are a bunch of tutorial videos and channels on YouTube to learn techniques, as well as social media groups.
[–] blumen4alles 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I figured she did. It was amazing how she would just take the wrap and get it so perfect. It was quick too, I would have taken forever.
[–] messdnys [S] 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Thank you! Yeah I am learning to let a lot of what my MIL says just bounce off me. She is the only mother-figure in my life (my own mother is a radical feminist and we are estranged), so I want to learn from her as much as is appropriate - after all, she helped raised my husband who is an incredible man. But I'm having to learn to recognize when she's just giving me bad advice.
[–] TheAntiZealot 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
Mothers can only "raise" weak men (assuming they are a guide, mentor, or otherwise persistent figure). Your husband made himself incredible; she didn't. He's internally driven. Give proper credit where it is due.
He likely found a man (or many men) as a mentor or as a role model and learned that way.
I have a poor relationship with my mother and everything good to me came when I distanced myself from her emotionally. When a girl finds me attractive and says something like "thank your mother for raising you because you're awesome" it leaves a bad taste. My mother is why I'm traumatized. Escaping her is why I'm strong.
[–] Ashra 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I have 2 children. Firstly, every baby is different. Not only gender-wise, but temprementally. My daughter was walking at 11.5 months, my son is 14 months and still usually holding on to something with 1 hand while standing. I LOVE my baby Tula carrier, I got the Expplore because it can be used so many different ways. For my first baby I had an old Britax I believe, which was impossible to use with my heavy son.
He gets so calm being connected to me, I can go grocery shopping for an hour and he just quietly observes the world. I will say that my son likes to be held a lot, maybe if he was on the ground more he would be closer to walking (though I do hear boys are slower to walk, and he is heavy so he will have to be a lot stronger to walk than my tiny girl was).
I love holding him, cuddling with him, co-sleeping, and breastfeeding. I believe that his full knowledge that I love and tend to his needs has led him to be so confident, I can leave him with his aunt or grandma and he is very secure and unafraid.
Obviously I love talking about my children so I will stop here but feel free to contact me if you have any other questions. Also, congrats on the baby girl! They are great big sisters (mine is 5 years older than her brother), and if you have a boy keep him intact!!
Sincerely,
the mama of 2 beautiful, home/water-birthed, homeschooled children
[–] messdnys [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Yay thank you for the input! I'm also planning on waterbirthing and homeschooling, and definitely no circumcision for my boys. Part of what worried me is that my MIL said that she held her first child all the time, and then that child would get really fussy with other family members who wouldn't hold her as much. So it's good to hear a different side of that. My MIL also circumcised all her boys and when I told her I was having a waterbirth, she said that was gross. We don't always see eye-to-eye but I trust her judgment on some things so it's just hard to discern what I should listen to her about.
[–] Ashra 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
Having a home birth with my first and a home/water birth with my second were incredible, powerful, sacred experiences. There were definitely times where I joked "whose idea was this? Get me to the hospital and get me meds!" There were times with my first where I felt things were not progressing fast enough (what do you mean I'm only 2cm!?!), and I felt tired (32 hour from first contraction to baby with 1st child, 8 hours from start to finish with 2nd baby), there were times I slept the 2 minutes between contractions and somehow that was enough, there were times I just went through hours of contractions sitting on a toilet (which is why I didn't poop during labor, yay), and there were times I yelled like a banshee. But I did my research, I knew this was the path I wanted, I was the one making my own informed decisions every step of the way, and I was confident in my midwives who were constantly reassuring, monitoring, and helping me when I needed it.
With my first, I felt the tub was relaxing and nice, but I felt the relaxation slowed my labor too much. With my second I was so happy to have something relax and slow my labor (I was already 10cm and feeling the need to push when the midwives got there)! Everyone is different, and I hope you have your own perfect experience.
Also, watch "The Business of Being Born" by Ricky Lake, you can even find it free on jootube.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago (edited ago)
[–] AmoebaGrin ago
Always baby-wore, never did tummy time. Baby developed properly and hit every milestone in time nonetheless. It might have more to do with the type of carrier. My pediatrician said tummy time is unnecessary if you do lots of baby-wearing because it will still strengthen their necks and I've found that to be true. I suspect the type of carrier, say a sling versus something where the baby can eventually hold their heads upright, might make a difference though.
[–] NoTrueScotsman 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Interesting, I've never heard of being worn delaying head control before. I usually hear the opposite.
[–] messdnys [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I totally agree. I wasn't planning on holding her 24/7, I want to give her space to have tummy time, move around, etc. I was thinking I'd carry her mostly when she's sleeping, and when we're out of the house. And the purpose for wearing her wasn't really for my own convenience, but because it's what I thought would be best for her and for our bonding. And good thinking about the temperature, she will be a summer baby so I'll keep that in mind.
[–] SquishedSpam 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Carry your baby when she wants to be carried. Sometime babies are having a bad day, they can't tell you about it but they will very much need to be held all day. Other days they will have nothing to do with you and will flail and fight if you dare hold them for more than a few minutes. As you get to know your baby, you'll come to understand how she is feeling and what she needs.
[–] Shieldmaden 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Short version: Can’t spoil a baby. Hold them as much as possible. You can screw up attachment by not responding appropriately to baby’s needs (look up “attachment disorder” and learn how to avoid it) or you risk ending up with a “f u mom/dad” teenager and adult.
[–] NoTrueScotsman 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
That's advice I've heard before, but it doesn't make any sense to me. It's not just comfort or habit that makes babies fall asleep after nursing, it's the fact that the milk contains hormones that make them sleepy, and, with very young babies, the physical effort of nursing is exhausting.
[–] AmoebaGrin 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Babies can't self-soothe. They just learn that no one will come rescue them or help them so they shut up and stop crying. It's sad. Self-soothing happens much much later.
[–] TheAntiZealot 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
Sounds like a narcissist/sociopath trying to spread the memetics.
[–] Alreadygone 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Look up secure versus insecure attachments. You are working on making a secure attachment with your baby for their lifelong emotional health. This will be the first of many tidbits you’ll probably need to ignore from your mother in law. You cannot cannot cannot spoil an infant. Hearing your baby cry will physically hurt too in those early months. Your mama instincts will kick in hard every moment your baby is crying.
[–] KILLtheRATS 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
You can not spoil a baby