[–] ledbetter 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
Thanks so much for this post. No, you did NOT fail! Teens rebel against everything because they are wholly idealistic and don't have a clue how the world works. Did you consider what she was escaping from when she came to visit you? She had a view of life. You provided a completely different view, which she can not now or ever forget. What she does with it will enhance her development to maturity.
I have a similar situation with a granddaughter who fell off a horse and suffered a brain injury - 7 or 8 years ago. She then compounded her problem by taking a dare to jump off a roof (you see, I had these friends) and her foot/ankle will never fully recover. As a teen, we tend to take chances. I know I did some 60+ years ago. Those that don't kill us, make us stronger, most of the time. My granddaughter has tossed away friends faster than she makes them because she remains in her "know-it-all" state and cannot resist the desire to "help" others with her wisdom and inexperience. Most people resent it.
Now, back to 'you did NOT fail!' (I wanted to let that simmer.) Everyone enjoys what we call successes or wins. Unfortunately, we don't learn much from them, other than sometimes luck happens. Real Learning comes only with PAIN. When you feel emotional pain, the greater it is, the bigger the learning opportunity. Think about those times in your life when you were despondent. What had happened, and what did you do about it? First, you grieved, but later you wondered how you could escape that pain in the future. That is REAL learning. It cuts to the soul, and it's powerful. You never forget those lessons. View emotional pain as a growth opportunity.
SO, you didn't fail, because you LEARNED. You grew. You are bigger than you were. They say you don't quit playing because you grow older, you grow older because you quit playing. I like it, but even better, I prefer -: You get old when you quit learning. You can never stop learning while everyone around you is still learning because then you're effectively going backward.
You have shared some of your learning with us. God Bless you for that and for the experience that brought you to this new level. As you further examine the outcomes, I hope you will continue to share your learnings, although most will not learn as much as you did because learning from the shortcomings of others involves no personal pain. Stand taller. You have reached another rung on the ladder of life. Congratulations!
[–] Saltyhymen 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
You did well. Its certainly a lot simpler to drop truth bombs online than it is IRL. As a man who has had reality rocked more than once, denial is an unavoidable initial symptom. I'm really glad to hear that the parents are making her pay for the flight, as from what I gathered the mother was rather meek in regards to her offspring. Here's hoping for a round two.
[–] capnflummox 3 points -1 points 2 points (+2|-3) ago
...
And then at the end of the day the "advice" is to 'walk softly' and 'act like a fucking moron'.
Go fuck yourself, "Empress". Your stories suck. And not in the good way.
If you actually have a niece, she's probably sucking nigger dick right now.
[–] Demonsweat2 ago
If you managed to change her direction in life over that short period of time, I applaud you.
[–] baneofretail 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
You made mistakes and learned from them. You also bonded with her and she respects you more for it. Have her out for easter, christmas, and any other school break.
[–] facepaint 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Don't think of them so much as red pills as red seeds. It takes a while for people to come around to completely oppositional ideas to what they have been taught. So you plant the seed so that they can see it going forward & convince themselves. Because the self is the only person who can convince them of anything.