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[–] DorothyMantooth 0 points 31 points (+31|-0) ago 

Yes, everyone knows that the ability to do the splits is the single most important indicator of health. Why, I've seen people sent to the hospital because their doctor says, "All your test results came back perfect this time, just as they did six months ago. Your blood pressure and cholesterol are perfect, all your organs are functioning perfectly, your skin glows. But...you were unable to do the splits last time you were here, and the nurse tells me you are still unable to do so...I'm afraid that means something is seriously wrong with your body, so we need to admit you to the hospital immediately. You could drop dead at any second from that, as you know. Without being able to do the splits, all other tests and health indicators mean nothing."

Happens all the time. You see it on autopsy reports, in obituaries: "Cause of Death: Inability to do the Splits." It's a plague. And yet our medical professionals still insist on teaching children about diet and exercise instead of focusing solely on how stretchy the thigh muscles and tendons are. Shame!

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[–] Runner4lyfe87 0 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago 

That amount of sarcasm in that post is off the charts.

Also, fat people look like they can do the splits because the fat touches the ground leaving their pelvis higher and at a smaller angle. Raging chestpain had a picture of its blob self doing the and someone drew a human skeleton over it to prove the point. Hilarious indeed.

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[–] DorothyMantooth 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Hahahaha! I never thought of that! But you're right, I bet it's just resting comfortably on the huge pillows of fat that are the backs of its thighs, with its legs ar 45-degree angles.

It even cheats on the splits.

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[–] man_with_titties 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Her immense weight allowed her to do the splits.

I bet she couldn't get back up without assistance.

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[–] Shieldmaden 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

She’s still there.

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[–] Shieldmaden 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

TIL: Drowning in your own fat is not a health issue.

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[–] AlanTuringsGhost 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

Looks like Whitney Whale Thore in 2 years.

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[–] waucka 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Some people have no discernable neck and are perfectly healthy. These people also tend to look like they could bend an I-beam with their bare hands.

She, on the other hand, looks like she could bend an I-beam by sitting on it.

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[–] anoncastillo 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

I'll laugh when she's dead by 40.

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[–] dellip_der_ 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Imagine that sat on your face.

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[–] suscribednowhere 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

I bet her booty would smell like McDonald's farts

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[–] AlanTuringsGhost 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Fats should never be allowed to use the flexing emoji. You literally can't see a single muscle on this eatbeast.

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[–] PerplexedPheasant 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

I'm feeling unhealthy just by looking at it

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[–] Skinny_Barbie 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Perfectly healthy compared to what? A dead person?

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